Want to help my 17 year old son with Asperger's depression

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One more quick note from the conversation I had with someone else recently:

Somehow no matter what we tell our kids, the message that they have to move forward at a certain pace and complete certain milestones at a certain level of achievement is so deeply ingrained in the culture for teenagers that I'm not sure they are capable of actually believing what we say. It can be like telling your child they are beautiful; they figure we're supposed to say it, but they believe they can look objectively in the mirror and see something different. Everything in their lives has them believing the world is hyper competitive and if you aren't in the game at full force, you'll never be anything. When you've backed off long enough, they can start to connect your actions to your words and start to believe you, but it takes time. I don't envy this generation.

Just thought I would update if anyone was following our challenges. Since my last post my son Conner has turned 18 and has decided to to take a year off to try and prepare himself for the next stage of his life whatever that may be. We don't care if it's school or work or just finding anything again that can make him feel some satisfaction in his life.

In short he is still struggling everyday to make peace with who he is and to basically find a small bit of contentment. His self esteem is very low and he just wants to be able to function again and not have so much anxiety about everything. Still having bigtime issue with eating if anything his diet has become even more restricted which is not helping much in terms of getting him feeling better. When you have a panic attack every time you get hungry and have to decide what to eat it doesn't leave a lot of time to grow as a person.

We gave zoloft one more try as he was functioning on it at one time but that did not go well at all and between the lack of sleep and stomach issues as well as inability for him to think we have decided to give the medicine a rest for a while and try other methods.

I was actually wondering if anyone has had any luck with medical marijuana as that was proposed to us as an option? Also I have heard learning to meditate can be very difficult for anybody on the spectrum so if there is a know method that works better for everyone please let me know as he has been trying but feels like it is just too hard for him to calm down his thoughts.

Also if anyone else experiences inability to make decisions about food to eat due to very selective diet please let me know if you have anything that helps alleviate the stress as right now it has been very draining.

Thank you again for everyone who has tried to help, I am going to help him in anyway I can and never give up, but being able to reach out this community has given a chance to learn a lot and I hope someday he will be able to also use this forum as a place to connect and feel better about who he is.

How about teaching him to cook?

I find that I can eat a lot of different foods now that I can cook. It is very easy to leave out ingredients you don't like.

I don't have any problem eating the same foods day after day, so I'll experiment with the same recipe a couple days in a row until I figure out a version that works for me.

Thank you, yes I am hoping we can teach him to cook more things that he likes. When he was doing well he had started to cook a few a small dishes for himself so we are hopeful we can do that with him again. Unfortunately we are in a bit more of a crisis state as he is having those panic attacks about making decisions but I think that will be one of the first things we do with him if we can get him over the panic attacks.

Thank your for your suggestions it is a good one.

Here are a few suggestions that may help your son.
1. Because you son is a picky eater, he may not be intaking the proper nutrition that his body needs. Therefore I would advise that he receive daily vitamin/mineral supplements such as a multivitamin.
2. I would also recommend that he take probiotics every now and then. This is especially true after being treated with antibiotics. Antibiotics kill not only bad bacteria but also the good bacteria that keep his gut functioning properly. Therefore it is important to reestablish these colonies of good gut bacteria to ensure his body is functioning properly.

Within an organism, let us say the human, specifically focusing on the human gut. There is a homeostasis, a relatively stable equilibrium between independent elements, the microbiota that includes the bacteria, archaea, protist, fungi and viruses. This microbiota is crucial for immunological stability. It is the synergy of these various elements that keep the organism viable and healthy. Depriving the body from absorbing part of this microbiota can produce within the gut an unhealthy state that can lead to gastrointestinal problems.

3. I would advise against you son experimenting with marijuana. Tony Attwood is one of the lead experts on the Asperger's Syndrome. His son was an Aspie (Asperger's Syndrome - now called Autism Spectrum Disorder). I think if he could ever do a do-over, it would be in this area. Marijuana is a gateway drug. After his son started using it, he progress to using more powerful drugs that really messed up his life. The brain of your son is different than that of normal individuals and the effects of drugs on Aspie brains can be quite overwhelming. So avoid turning your son into an addict.
4. Aspies undergo extreme stress in their lives and this stress can grow over time and result in some forms of mental illness, such as self harm. According to adult Aspies, some types of therapy are very beneficial. Therapy targeting fear and stress such as programs that treat PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) help. These include somatic experiencing, beam life coaching, Tipi emotional regulation therapy, and exposure therapy. These types of therapy teach individual effective tools for shedding stress. Learning these tools can provide you son some relief over his life.
5. After discovering that I was an Aspie, I wrote a short book about my experiences and perceptions. I am a pattern thinker Aspie. Your son is different, probably a visual thinker. But my insight may still be of benefit. Here is a link. The Aspie Code

Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. Luckily my son is open to taking vitamins and probiotics and he has taken them for a long time so even though his diet is very bad at least we are able to keep his base levels of vitamins and things in the normal range. He also takes EPA and a few other natural supplements but all are reviewed by his doctor so we are very confident that they are not causing any undesired reactions.

He also has an underactive thyroid so along with other things the medicine he takes include a medicine called synthroid to help with this. Always wonder if this medicine is the right dosage though considering how everyone talks about how medicine affects people on the spectrum differently.

I will watch out for the marijuana and your points on it are well taken.

I will look in to the different therapies you listed and see if there isn't something that can help him more. Right now he is just receiving basic therapy and see someone once every 2 weeks I feel like this is just inadequate to help someone in his current condition.

And Finally I read through some of your book it has some very thoughtful observations and I can see some similarities to your way of looking at things and my sons. Like I am sure you have heard everyone has something alike and some very different things but I am sure there are many things I can learn from what you have wrote. Thank you.

Hello, gee when I read your post about your son, I get emotional. My child is now 24 and has been through the same things. They refuse to take any medication at all due to how they feel it messes with your body. My child is very depressed at times and has tried very hard to start college but they just can’t do it for very long. Online college has helped but she really want to be able to go out and function with people but just can’t. This brings her down because she is fearful she is a hermit. She has talked about suicide quite a bit. She refuses to seek help from a professional because she has seen quite a few since she was 11 to about 17 and no one really “got” her. I feel if she can get to a good support group to go to maybe this could make a positive change for her. It’s great you and your spouse are still together. We divorced and this only made things worse for her.

Thank you for reaching out. I also feel for you and hope your situation can improve soon. I am really hoping we can find something to help him. I feel so badly for you too and hope you can find a way to help your daughter.

I am looking into more options for therapy and assistance so I will update this post if I get any help from anyone. Thank you.