Recently self diagnosed

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Hi Wolfboy,

As an adult diagnosed at the age 43 (two years ago) I offer you this. Use your new found understanding of yourself to build a better framework for yourself moving forward. "Knowing" will definitely help your relationships and you can start to identify what is Aspergers and what isn't. If you are concerned about your medical clearance ( and I can understand why you would be) you can accomplish the same things with or without a formal diagnosis. I would not risk rocking the boat so to speak. You never know what the "decision makers" points of reference are on the subject and even if his/hers are favorable someone else's might not be.

I can imagine coming to this conclusion brings about a great sense of relief, I know it did for me. Best of luck moving forward. I have found that just because I know, does not mean that my life is trouble free. I just know why now, which helps but there always seems to be some work to be done. Welcome to the WP. Shark

I was diagnosed when I was 41 years old. The diagnosis itself really hasn't had any tangible benefit for me. Unlike you story, I was diagnosed as a child with other things. General Anxiety, elective mutism and OCD all before the age of 10. Then PTSD in my 30s. So to me the AS diagnosis was like "throw it in the pile with the other things."

My parents sent me to psychologist's through my childhood. Not to sound pessimistic, but I have never gotten anything out of them. As an adult, my wife wanted me to go for a while. I went because marriage is based on compromising sometimes. Even as an adult, i don't feel like I ever got anything out of them. But if it made the wife happy, I went for a bit. Sometimes it pays to be like electricity and find the path of least resistance.

I just thought I would throw this additional information out there:

First of all, a bit ago, my wife encouraged me to see HER therapist. After my self diagnosis, my wife asked her therapist if he specialized in autism and he said he did.

On my own, I went to his office (tried calling) to inquire if he specialized in adult Asperger’s syndrome, thinking I would talk to his secretary.

Well, no, that’s not how it worked out. There was no secretary, just him. FWIW he was mean and not a good person. When I asked if he specialized in Asperger’s he said he had 30 experience with autism. I asked again about Asperger’s and he repeated that he had 30 years experience with autism.

Anyway, I spent about 2 minutes talking to him and then he kicked me out, telling me to make an appointment to inquire further.

So......

At my wife’s next appointment he tells her I’m not autistic. Hmm. I didn’t know he could diagnose someone so easily (sarcasm). He also said that in 30 years, he never had such an unusual situation as me going to see him. I explained that I fully expected to talk to a secretary. My wife thought that was odd that I went there, but it made perfect sense to me at the time.

So now my wife has completely changed her mind. She told me to stop thinking I have Asperger’s and that I shouldn’t see a therapist. She told me not to get a diagnosis because I might get a diagnosis for something else/worse. (I had already decided against getting an official diagnosis based on feedback from this thread and other threads on WP).

So now I’m a little bit more lost than before, when I was just starting to make sense of my life. Bummer

I think it makes sense to go to a psychologist if you have well defined goals.

I suspect that you want to improve/maintain your relationship with your wife. Therefore it would be good to know what she would like you to improve precisely. If you don't have a clear view, maybe you can ask her to tell you in a clear and factual manner.

You also say you have to struggle in life (we all do ), maybe you would like to get some personal well-being benefit out of it as well?

Choose a therapist you like and trust, it is important for the results. I wouldn't choose the same therapist as my partner's, it sounds weird.

In the US, I think they gathered "autism" and "asperger" under "autism". (if it may help you understand) And 2 minutes on the phone is clearly not sufficient to diagnose you as Asperger. It is possible that your wife would be playing a triangle relationship between herself, her psychologist and you. This is also a possible explanation for the psychologist's response and coldness