Is this attitude pessimistic or realistic?

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Wanting to ask a girl out (being the end goal) but deciding that if she was interested she would be the one talking to you? I'm not sure if this is an excuse for not bothering to try or a way to avoid rejection.

Many girls/women don’t initiate first contact; they expect the boy/man to do so.

I would ask her out, if I were you.

it's possible the girl never considered you but is willing to give you a shot if you made a move.

It is my experience the only women who tended to initiate contact/ be aggressive had serious issues. That's not to say that any woman who asks you out is crazy but as a general rule most will sit back and wait for you to make the first move. At that point, if she is interested you will usually make plenty of effort to make contact to you.

I did this with the first two women I was interested in: I sat back waiting for them to ask me out or at least strongly hint they would be interested in me. Needless to say nothing ever came of it and she likely got tired of being 'ignored'. Ask her out and if she says no that just means that you have passed a milestone. Trust me each rejection gets easier and easier to the point you don't worry about it anymore.

If a woman ever initiates with the purpose of asking a man out in mind, it'll be a miracle worthy of every holy book ever written. Not worth waiting for that to happen - the chances of it happening are infinitesimal to begin with. If you come across a woman you find interesting, be the brave one.

Well, I have no desire to debate whether it is morally wrong or right, but actually it is even to this day still more common for guys to ask out women they are interested in. Basically her not having come to ask you out does not mean she'd say no...she could just have it somewhat ingrained like tons of other people that guys typically initiate that.

If you're interested and she has not asked you out, then I'd say you should try...worst that can happen is she would say no.

Perhaps someday women and men will ask each other out and it will be just as normal for men to ask women out as it is for women to ask men out...but I do not think that day is here yet.

Its not like it never happens...so don't know about it being a miracle, just isn't as common as the other way around.

I've only had it happen ONCE in my life. And I've lived a pretty long life.....

Pessimistic.

Despite feminism & equality movements, it's still much more common for males to ask out females & for females to wait for males to ask them out etc.

Could be an excuse for not bothering to try AND a way to avoid rejection.

But the thing is, in the end, whether she agrees to go out with you or not won't change. If you ask her, you'll find out yes or no. If you don't, then you guarantee 100% that she won't go out with you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained & you miss 100% of the shots you don't take and all that classic cliche stuff. If you ask her and she says yes, great. If you ask her and she says no, oh well, at least you know the answer vs. wonder and at least you asked and found out vs. guaranteed by not asking that she wouldn't go out with you.

My 1st & current girlfriend told me they liked me but we met on forums & were long-distance. Me & my 1st girlfriend were friends a while 1st before she told me she liked me & my current girlfriend sent me a message after reading lots of my posts about wanting a realtionship.

It happens rarely enough that I consider it one. With how the dating scene has changed in the past 50 years - heck, even the past decade - you'd think the "men asking women out" vs. "women asking men out" ratio would be fairly even at this point. But no, most women still leave the "hard" work of initiating to men. I can't help but wonder why. It seriously baffles me.

I like crazy women.



No, because if you ask a woman out, and she accepts, she likely is NT. Won't work in the long run.

Women don't need to ask guys out. Unless they're horrifically ugly, out of shape and have the personality of a rabid Tasmanian devil they probably get hit on multiple times a week. You're either going to have to initiate conversation or be Forever Alone. Very rare that a guy gets asked out unless he's some kind of Adonis, famous and/or wealthy.

So what do you do: ogle each other forever, without anything being consummated?

Neurotypical, or neurodiverse-----one has to make an effort to make a connection beyond merely "knowing glances."

Ogling is what creates the connection, and makes it possible to exchanging emotions and even thoughts over a distance. If you start with talking, you have forever sabotaged creating a natural connection.

You just have to make sure you see each other regularly, and that contact frequency increases over time. I estimate you need a year with at least one hour a day in each others proxmity to create a natural connection.

Most people don't have that sort of patience......