17 year old son with ASD who identifies as a Nazi

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GummyDinosaur
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17 Sep 2018, 12:40 am

Perhaps a group home or some sort of structured, therapeutic environment will help him. It sounds like being at home is not working for him and may not be safe for your daughter.

Sometimes environment makes all the difference. For me and some of my friends with autism, home is a difficult place to be because of the lack of structure. It is an easy place to fall into depression and codependency on parents.

Some of my friends with mental illness have gone to group homes temporarily because they couldn’t function well in school and we’re too anxious to leave the house. Being at a group home gave them inpedendence, confidence, and they were able to learn life skills.

Isolation also isn’t good for anyone and may have contributed to his hatred towards people and towards the world, leading to nazi beliefs. Isolation can lead to paranoia and radical beliefs. He really needs to get back into social settings.

Those are just my thoughts, thought not sure how helpful they are. I really hope things get better for you and your family.



CockneyRebel
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22 Sep 2018, 10:20 pm

I say, put the Nazi in a home where the staff can straighten him out. Don't let him live with the family. I also don't see how anyone who calls their disabled sister a ret*d is not a bad kid.


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SpacyTracy
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10 Oct 2018, 5:02 am

You do know that just because someone does something that's "bad", doesn't mean they're just overall a bad person, right? You don't know him, you don't know the reasons behind how he feels or what he's been through...if he were a "bad kid" he wouldn't sit with his other sister as she's having a meltdown and comfort her. The behavior is unacceptable and hurtful..but he's not a bad kid. Anyways, if that makes him a bad person...I'm a horrible person for the things that I've done and said in my lifetime...as are most of us.


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Prometheus18
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10 Oct 2018, 9:18 am

Personally, if my son turned out like that, he'd no longer have a house to come to. I suggest, personally, that you come down VERY hard on him.



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10 Oct 2018, 9:20 am

He has some serious emerging personality disorders; I'd get him checked out and/or even committed. If you don't, he'll end up at best a total failure - at worst he'll spend his life in prison or a locked mental mental hospital.



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10 Oct 2018, 9:25 am

Let us know how you get on. Good news that you could persuade him to get diagnosed, I hope the situation carries on improving for you all.



SpacyTracy
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10 Nov 2018, 2:47 am

Well,all of the professionals that we have spoken with...do not recommend "coming down on him very hard" or kicking him out. He isn't a sociopath and he's not psychotic..so he isn't going to be committed. I'm getting help for him, which he's willing to do and actually wants the help. I'm not going to give up on my kid.


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10 Nov 2018, 4:04 am

SpacyTracy wrote:
Well,all of the professionals that we have spoken with...do not recommend "coming down on him very hard" or kicking him out. He isn't a sociopath and he's not psychotic..so he isn't going to be committed. I'm getting help for him, which he's willing to do and actually wants the help. I'm not going to give up on my kid.


I am so glad to hear this. He's going to need a lot of patience from people, but perhaps not so much from his mom. Sometimes the people we love need other people too.

For the record, I don't agree with the posters who advocate being hard on him. He sounds genuinely desperate. Also, actions speak louder than words. I've met a lot of people who have horrendous political views, but are the kindest, most supportive people in a crisis, and I've met a lot of people who profess love and understanding but are cold and never help anyone unless somebody is watching. It speaks well of him that he comforts his sister. It's something to build on.

I'm sorry you got so much judgment. I hope things will be better for you from now on.


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10 Nov 2018, 4:24 am

It's good to hear he sits with the older if his sisters when she's having a meltdown. I think he is afraid of his "disabled" younger sister and that feR turned to hatred. It doesn't help that Nazism advocated doing away with the disabled, but I doubt he would actually harm her. He needs to know that if he ever dared to touch her with hurtful intent, the consequences would be severe indeed. She must be "off limits" until she is older and he may have learned to accept her.

I'm sorry you have such a tough time. Since you're on the spectrum too that makes it tougher to manage family conflict. I'm glad you haven't given up and are actively seeking treatment.

It's good that you now have an official diagnosis. In some cases that does lead to anger, but with sufficient long term therapy that can change and maybe he'll learn to love his baby sister. He must, however, not be allowed to call her "ret*d" and if he does, there should be a suitable punishment such as a privilege withheld.


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06 Jan 2019, 5:52 pm

Sounds like these politics are something he's been groomed into.

I'm not a parent so take with a grain of salt etc.

I'd make sure he was never alone with the little sister who's disabled, if there's any threat at all of physical violence. Depending on how aware the sister is of what he's saying, I'd also monitor what was said in front of her. You don't want her to end up hating herself.

I wouldn't openly discourage the Nazism. I'm very anti-Nazi but I remember when I was willing to be violent* for my more left wing, Republican beliefs. Mum tried to talk me out of it. It just made me resent her and run more towards my online groomers.

It took mum taking an active interest from 'my' POV, learning about Irish history alongside me, to get me to change my politics to something less extremist.

It's hard to see how a Nazi interest of any level can be a good thing (since it's the ideology that's corrupt and hateful not just the violence) but maybe you can shift it so he becomes apolitical in his interests.

Engage with him about world war two, engage with him about Germany, try to get him interested in other eras of German history, try to get him to learn some German. Even to read Nietzche and listen to Wagner. Things which a regular person could be interested in as well as a Nazi. Treat it like he's on the edge and you're talking him down...

Anything but Storm Front etc and grooming.

Then hopefully he'll outgrow his Nazi phase. He's still only an autistic teenager, after all. It sounds to me like he's been groomed by 'white nationalists' online.

I had an aspie bf who went down that route. He was really cute when he was into moon landing conspiracy but I had to dump him when he turned Nazi/holocaust denier. It was about the same age (about 16 years ago). I've no idea how he turned out. I hope he isn't still a Nazi but somehow I thin it was just a phase.

*ETA in case MI5 is watching and just because I don't want people to get the wrong idea, I mean I was willing to throw punches and listen to the SAM song. I had neither access to weapons nor inclination to use them so I wouldn't have been a full blown terrorist but I was going down the sympathiser route and talking to people who were also similarly on the sympathiser route including several rebel bands etc.



jane.doe
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17 Mar 2019, 4:24 pm

I would like to know what happened with her son. I am a parent.

It sounds like he's being radicalized online as so many young vulnerable people are, mostly young white men. And why parents aren't taking it more seriously when their kids end up with extreme, historically bad ideas, when we have mass shootings in the USA so often by kids just like this. And come on- Nazis killed children with disabilities or used them in medical experiments, and this is fact. How can anyone be so dismissive of the things he's saying about his sister? I'm sick of parents saying, "This is going on, what do I do?" and then ignoring all the advice given. She needs to accept that somewhere along the line she screwed up enough to send him into the arms of white supremacist idealogy. And then she needs to get extreme in what she does to rectify it, because this is an extreme situation. We all make mistakes, don't keep making them when you can see where this is going.

He's being radicalized. Cut off his Internet and get him into therapy before yours is the next mass shooter making the W hand sign in a picture on the news.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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17 Mar 2019, 5:37 pm

jane.doe wrote:
I would like to know what happened with her son. I am a parent.

It sounds like he's being radicalized online as so many young vulnerable people are, mostly young white men. And why parents aren't taking it more seriously when their kids end up with extreme, historically bad ideas, when we have mass shootings in the USA so often by kids just like this. And come on- Nazis killed children with disabilities or used them in medical experiments, and this is fact. How can anyone be so dismissive of the things he's saying about his sister? I'm sick of parents saying, "This is going on, what do I do?" and then ignoring all the advice given. She needs to accept that somewhere along the line she screwed up enough to send him into the arms of white supremacist idealogy. And then she needs to get extreme in what she does to rectify it, because this is an extreme situation. We all make mistakes, don't keep making them when you can see where this is going.

He's being radicalized. Cut off his Internet and get him into therapy before yours is the next mass shooter making the W hand sign in a picture on the news.


Looks like the OP hasn't been here in months.



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12 Apr 2019, 9:08 am

I hope the OP comes back. I just read through all this.

#1 I personally earned my GED when I was 15. I live in VA. I now have an AAS, a BS, a BA, and a MS. And some various certifications. So yes you can, and not doing high school is not a game ender.

#2 An interest in WW2 nazis is not bad. Good lord, someone needs to keep up with history. He just needs to learn from actual books and not the dumbasses online. But there is only so much you can do there. I would just not come down on him about his special interest. He will dig in his heels and get into more negativity if you try to be too firm. I would NOT show him gross holocaust things. He may be already looking at that. You don’t want him interested in it.

#3 It’s normal for a young man to be horrified by his sisters, especially a toddler, especially if she is disabled. I would tell him privately how normal his feelings are and that he doesn’t have to spend time with them, just ask him not to say or do anything mean.

#4 Insulate his room so he can’t hear the toddler. That should be his refuge. Make sure he has headphones, maybe a lavender plug in if stinks get to him.

#5 Get him a big brother type who is into his interests and is not easily offended. Get this guy to spend time with him and slowly work him toward a job or activity.

#6 This pooping thing is common. I know men in their 40s who leave the office to go home and poop. It’s not a big deal. In fact, one of these men bought a house with a basement bathroom his wife isn’t allowed in that is only for him to poop in. This man isn’t even autistic.

OP, I know all this seems bad, because you deal with it every day. And because your son chose a poor interest. But keep in mind that in his deep heart, he probably chose it in order to be shocking. Don’t let yourself be shocked. He’s a good kid. He can see that you have a lot on your plate and he can’t be #1. Work on him gently and he will slowly come out of this.