My mom still grounds/put restrictions on me.
TechnicallyCalm
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 24 Oct 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Location: Long Beach, CA
I'm 24 and my mom still grounds me and takes my things.
I don't do anything massive to deserve this most of the time and the punishments seem unfair.
Most of the issues are that I have problems communicating with her about getting my task done and doing all my task with little to no issue and done on time.
And there can't be any "excuses" for why something couldn't be done on time. And I can't get upset, angry or argue with her.
She took my xbox from me last year and allows me to use my devices only for things like wrong planet.
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Michael
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
TechnicallyCalm
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 24 Oct 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Location: Long Beach, CA
She's my POA. I have left most major decisions to her because I don't know and can't handle them.
She takes care of all my needs, materially and financially.
A lot of my task are mundane but take up my time.
But many of them and be difficult and stressful.
I need to take care of 3 cats, 1 dog and 1 lizard(my pet).
This alone entitles, cleaning there bedding, cleaning there bowls, making there food, giving the dog his inhaler, walking the dog, taking my lizard out for an hour, getting my lizard crickets.
I need to take care of the cats and dog everyday at 6 am and 6 pm. I need to walk the dog around 2 - 5 pm. He's old, sleeps a lot and has trouble breathing and walking, so he's not walked a lot (one of the big issues).
I'm able to clean the crates, and prepare all the animals food, it just takes almost an hour to do it each time, twice a day. The cats are in crates for most of the day.
I've got to shower twice a week and brush my teeth everyday. Which I struggle with.
I have to go pick up and drop off mail.
I have to go pick up crickets, which is 2.5 miles away! and takes almost 2 hours for me to go there an back. I walk and that's why it takes so long. I don't mind the walking because it gives me time to myself.
I need to sweep the backyard(which is small) about every other day.
I need to clean my sleeping area.
I need to take care of trash and recycling.
I have to do get food for us to eat, whether that be breakfast, lunch or dinner(another huge issue).
I usually go and do the shopping, unless my mom buys the stuff online. which is about half the time.
I have to go make payments on our mail box and storage, this is easy since I'm just dropping off payments.
The last of any major hurdles though is when she makes me go into storage.
It take anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hours depending on what I need to do.
And it's very stressful and leads to fighting usually.
These are tasks I can except to do. And it's very stressful for me and tiring.
Most of this I didn't have to do because we had a place of our own, but about 2 years ago we were forced to move in with my grandma, who isn't very nice.
Before this, I still had to brush my teeth, make the cat and dog there food, but I didn't have to clean there bedding or take them out.
The dog got his inhaler only when he needed it. He needs it twice a day now.
Getting crickets used to be easy, since the pet store used to be only half a mile away and a 20 minute walk around trip.
I still went and made payments and picked up mail, but the UPS was only a 15 minute trip roundtrip and around he corner.
And I still took care of trash and recycling.
I did a lot less shopping, we didn't have a storage unit, there were less responsibilities on me then and only a few of my tasks need to be done at a certain point.
My days used to be more relaxed and easy going.
I'm hoping when we move out of here that things will go back to then. Though they were still difficult, it's nothing like it is now.
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Michael
Well you just answered your own question it seems. As long as you have the type of parents that are controlling like that they will put restrictions and ground you no matter how old you get. Most parents would respect their adult kids once they get to be a certain age but many parents feel the way to earn respect is to get out on your own and work for a living. So if you're not doing that, then they will always look at you as a child. The bad thing about it is that you can be in a situation like yours where you're almost completely dependent on them and that's the way they will view you for the rest of their lives.
Even if someone has a POA over you, it is always your legal right to revoke that POA. But by your own description, she is handling things for you that you can't handle yourself.
I think this doesn't have to be a choice between "be downtrodden" or "move out." Ask your mom what you will need to do to get your games back, and point out you aren't enjoying life much lately which makes motivation low. It's also possible that you could get through your chores better if they are laid out for you each day. Like, put your "schedule" on a white board each day. This could be something she does, you do, or the two of you do together.
Grandma might not be "nice" because she really didn't anticipate hosting you and your mom at this stage in her life. It's obviously not an ideal solution for any of you.
The number of chores you mentioned does sound a little high, but not really excessive. I suspect your problem is just low motivation and poor time management, more than the absolute amount of time and effort involved.
Think of it this way, if you ever DO move out to independent living, these are the kinds of chores you would have to do in your own life. You can look at this as a developmental challenge that you have to pass, before you can really be fully adult. Maybe this perspective will be more palatable to you.
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A finger in every pie.
Sounds like your mother wants to control you.
I understand parents worrying about their grown-up children, because it's called caring, and I don't see why some people think that as soon as your children are 18 you are no longer their parent.
But grounding you and ruling you like that is a bit over the top. It's not helping you any.
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Female