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MSBKyle
Deinonychus
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Joined: 12 Aug 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 339
Location: Kent, Ohio

01 Jun 2018, 9:21 pm

How easy or hard is it to come out when you are on the autistic spectrum? I realized I was attracted to guys in middle school. When I hit puberty, I found boys attractive. I have never been in a relationship with a guy nor have I come out to my friends and family. I am not ashamed of who I am, I just don't feel comfortable talking about my sexual preferences to other people. I'm not skilled in the social department so I would not know how to be in a relationship. It is very awkward for me when people ask me if I like anyone or if I have any girlfriends. People assume that I am either assexual or straight. I don't know how to come out to anyone or if I ever will get the courage to do so.



infinitenull
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Joined: 31 Dec 2011
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02 Jun 2018, 5:44 am

Well first, coming out is something you continue to do for the rest of your life really. It starts with the first groups of people you tell, but then later as you meet new people who ask "are you married?" you come out again... If you decide to get married some day then you'll have to come out to the service providers... When you are RSVPing to an event and registering your +1 with someone that maybe didn't already know you end up coming out again... it goes on and on...

The first time... I had a full on panic attack. Later, I did it very clumsily as I spread the news... oh well if they didn't like my clumsy approach :p at the time I didn't know about autism and was undiagnosed but when I look back all of the things that I may have been less than perfect at with doing it were all related to that. Because I wasn't good at smoothing it over I know that I've told people at awkward times before. Oh well for them :p

I can say... it's a lot of work keeping up with pretending to be NT, and being out. When I started doing my best to pretend to be NT, and to exist in adult middle-class life... it was too much to do that and deal with the conversations about sexuality so I ended up going back into the closet. This is a little easier for me because I am asexual so it's not like someone is going to catch me holding no-one's hand in the park... but still... it did happen, and I do attribute it to ASD, even though it started before I discovered that I was an aspie.

All in all... I'd say... it's hard without being on the spectrum.... being on the spectrum just means it might be a little more work to do it smoothly but otherwise you should be fine... Just be willing to blurt it out once you get on a roll :) that's my advice.

Good luck! ♥♥♥


_________________
Very high systematizing, low empathy, but moderate to high sympathy.
I do not experience cognitive dissonance reduction the way that other people do.
Professionally diagnosed in March 2018


Spooky_Mulder
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Joined: 12 May 2018
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Location: NY

05 Jun 2018, 12:31 am

Everyone has their own pace in coming out. I know NTs who are in their 30s and still not out. All I can say is when it's time - you'll know. It's easiest doing the classic "coming out" stages: friends, siblings, then parents. I find it's easier telling your mom first if you're a guy, my mom told my dad that I'm bisexual for me.