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Marknis
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03 Jun 2018, 2:26 am

I sometimes attend a meet up group in my area. They mostly do game nights, movie nights, and monthly dinner outings. Unfortunately, I still struggle talking to the people in the group. They don't make damning judgements to me like the rednecks, hip hoppers, and general Bible Belters do but they tend to drink a lot and I feel left out when that happens because I don't drink myself. My tongue is hypersensitive to alcohol and I don't feel any enjoyment drinking it, especially beer and that is the preferred drink among the people in my area. Some of the people are also in relationships and it's another soul wound to hear of their successes while I can't even get a f*****g reply on a dating site let alone a date. Even when a subject I have some knowledge about comes up, I can barely get a few sentences of conversation before it fizzles out.

I wish I was born an NT instead of an aspie.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jun 2018, 2:32 am

I would stay in the group if I were you.

Drink apple juice.



Fnord
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03 Jun 2018, 4:40 pm

You have two options:

1) Stay in the group.

2) Leave the group.

If you stay in the group, and keep going to their meet-ups, you are likely to continue to feel bad about THEIR drinking, THEIR conversational abilities, THEIR ‘Coupling’, and THEIR general popularity.

If you quit and stop going, you won’t have to put up with anything except YOUR loneliness and YOUR unwillingness to learn more sociable behavior.

You seem to be focusing too much on other people’s behavior. Focus on your own instead, and you may soon find yourself better able to carry on conversations. You may even find yourself becoming a better listener, which counts a lot toward becoming more popular.

Oh, and the advice regarding apple juice does work. If apple juice is to sweet, try ginger ale instead. You don’t have to drink it, just point at it and say “No, thank you” whenever someone offers to buy you a drink.


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BeaArthur
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06 Jun 2018, 11:12 pm

Stick with the group until you find one you like more. The reason is you will become more socially withdrawn if you just stop going.

It's effortful and painful for you to attend sometimes, but you do need some social connections. But it's okay to look around for something better if you like.


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Summer_Twilight
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07 Jun 2018, 9:20 am

A few things I have learned Marnkis:
1. The people who make you feel like an outsider aren't for you to begin with. The best thing to do is focus on the people who like and appreciate you. With these other people, don't waste your time because they aren't going to change your mind.
2. Find a drink that looks alcoholic but is virgin - for example: I love to mix a lime and club soda or go for a smoothie and do some fun things with like like adding a whipped cream, cherry and small umbrella.

Yes, I would keep going to the group and focus sole on your interest while maybe focusing on your own body language and facial expressions because that can open new doors.