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Pillar
Snowy Owl
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03 Jun 2018, 7:19 am

Well, I don't like looking at myself as HF-ASD (one of my existential barriers), but it seems that I have some limitations. I tend to think it's because of nurture, but it may be because of nature ever since I got the diagnosis.
Well, it's not really black and white, it's surely a combination of both.
My current conflict is the following - if I don't do anything, I feel bad for not advancing in life
If I do things to advance myself in life, I ask myself - what's the point?

I want to live a life I want, not a life of how people tell me I should live - "get a job", "have a relationship already", "Why don't you want to have kids? You'll regret it later and it will deteriorate your health". Just some thoughts people tend to throw around

I really want a romantic relationship, but I don't just want to roulette-pick a lady. I want to be the one to pick. I found one and I got severely hurt in the process. That's how it is for someone who is ironically a potential romanticist



Arevelion
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03 Jun 2018, 7:44 am

Pillar wrote:
Well, I don't like looking at myself as HF-ASD (one of my existential barriers), but it seems that I have some limitations. I tend to think it's because of nurture, but it may be because of nature ever since I got the diagnosis.
Well, it's not really black and white, it's surely a combination of both.
My current conflict is the following - if I don't do anything, I feel bad for not advancing in life
If I do things to advance myself in life, I ask myself - what's the point?

I want to live a life I want, not a life of how people tell me I should live - "get a job", "have a relationship already", "Why don't you want to have kids? You'll regret it later and it will deteriorate your health". Just some thoughts people tend to throw around

I really want a romantic relationship, but I don't just want to roulette-pick a lady. I want to be the one to pick. I found one and I got severely hurt in the process. That's how it is for someone who is ironically a potential romanticist


I don't think that anyone can answer your question but you. When I first found out what my disability really was I asked myself the same thing. I thought of myself as the mutation that had to be selected out for the good of the human gene pool. Other people tired to cheer me up, but everything they said meant nothing to me, just like everything I may say will mean nothing to you.

But if you stay alive long enough, you may find your own answer.



shortfatbalduglyman
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03 Jun 2018, 8:02 am

You can't separate nature from nurture

Do a controlled experiment

Keep all variables constant except one

And if you could, then what?

Not everyone gets married or has a boyfriend/girlfriend

Half of marriages end in divorce

Not everyone has children

There is an overpopulation problem already

Not everyone has enough $$, time, energy, skill, patience, or resources to have children

:D


Anyways I am 35

No spouse or relationship

Long term unemployed

Only got minimum wage jobs

And got fired

No children

Pretty much I am a public nuisance

Every day just loitering and panhandling

Nothing to contribute to the solar system except carbon footprint

Just waiting for the next meal

Sometimes I want to know, what is the point of living?

Living, for me , does not come naturally

Driving a car, school, work, relationship, emotions, cooking. Thus far, there have been zero :skull: life skills :skull: and zero :jester: Multiple Intelligences :cry: that I am good at or like


However maybe precious lil "people" act like there is a point to living, when there is no point

It makes me feel inferior ashamed angry frustrated disappointed watching someone effortlessly do something I feel jealous of

Especially school, work, relationship, emotion, skinny

Effortlessly

Without even trying

But :skull: you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear :jester:


Not everyone has the same total amount of potential

Not everyone has the same situation

Granted I have not been doing the best I can, especially lately

But whatever

Sometimes my best is not good enough to get the goal anyways

It just makes me want to gorge



Fnord
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04 Jun 2018, 3:03 pm

Pillar wrote:
What's the point in living?
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.


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Since there is no singular, absolute definition of human nature,
nor any ultimate evaluation of human nature beyond that which we project onto others,
individuals should be judged or defined only by their actions and choices,
and not by what we only imagine their intentions and motivations to be.


SaveFerris
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04 Jun 2018, 3:07 pm

Fnord wrote:
Pillar wrote:
What's the point in living?
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.



Conan rocks


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Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Desmilliondetoiles
Blue Jay
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06 Jun 2018, 1:09 am

There is no point. We're supposed to either make one or find one. As long as you aren't hurting anyone for fun, people won't be actimg as obstacles (for the most part, some people are vindictive).


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fluffysaurus
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06 Jun 2018, 7:12 am

Wow! that bought back a some memories of my twenties, everyone saying 'do what you want with your life' and then telling me very specifically what their expectations of what I wanted were, with no adjustment to the person that I very obviously was.

It does lesson as you age, there's a marked improvement when you hit 30 (people feel you're a lost cause) It was a big relief to me as it's difficult to find a path you can follow when everyone's telling you where to go. When they do this remind yourself that they do not understand because they cannot understand rather than get upset with them (if you do this) because that will only cause you grief and it won't change them.

Concentrate on the life you do want and how you can get it or some form of it that will make you happy. Nobody gets exactly what they want but it feels a lot better to be heading towards our goals than away from them.

Roulette wheel describes it well. I don't feel I understand people very quickly, people I've known for a long time surprise me so how am I supposed to chose a life partner :?



EzraS
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06 Jun 2018, 7:45 am

Pillar wrote:
I want to live a life I want, not a life of how people tell me I should live - "get a job", "have a relationship already", "Why don't you want to have kids? You'll regret it later and it will deteriorate your health". Just some thoughts people tend to throw around


I heard on the radio the other day that they asked someone who had turned 106 what their secret for longevity was, and they said "stay out of relationships. They cause too much stress".



HistoryGal
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06 Jun 2018, 8:18 am

Hang in there, pal.



shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Jun 2018, 3:28 pm

If there is no point in living, how and why is that such a bad thing?



fluffysaurus
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08 Jun 2018, 1:56 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
If there is no point in living, how and why is that such a bad thing?
Good point. Do our expectations that life should have meaning leave us dissatisfied when we can't find any?. Also I feel there is a lot of pressure to be happy all the time.



Pillar
Snowy Owl
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08 Jun 2018, 2:53 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
If there is no point in living, how and why is that such a bad thing?


Because I want life to have a point



commentsgohere0101
Hummingbird
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09 Jun 2018, 4:53 am

Living has no point aside from the meaning you attach to it. People tend to be happiest when what they do matches what they value. A point of living could be to align what you do with what you value.

It's a hot topic right now where I work - finding meaning in work, in life. It's a particularly sad thing to contemplate this week with the suicides of two American icons who seemingly had it all. I would argue they created a tremendous amount of meaning in their lives. Very little of it had to do with their children.

As for people telling you you should have kids - they'll always want to justify their own decisions and most people are scared to death of irrelevance and death. But many children grow up to be awful adults who treat their parents badly and are sources of disappointment and pain. You can't rely on children for support, love or happiness. My parents are always saying how grateful they are that my brother and I are "good" and successful because so many people they know have bad situations with their adult children where they lie, steal, mistreat them. It's sad. And you could also have a disabled child (at birth or after) that needs life-long care.

Who says NOT having kids deteriorates your health? - quite the opposite. You'll get far healthier sleep and eat better without them in the house. It's immensely healthier for the planet if we stop having children too. We are killing off species and polluting the oceans so we can crowd the globe with BILLIONS of humans running around and consuming resources. It's a system out of whack.

If you do want kids, there are options. A geneticist could explain risks. Vitamins for male/females at the right times might improve odds of NT offspring.

This has me thinking...if it doesn't exist, there should be some big brother program but for autism where HF autistic adults could mentor kids with HF autism. I get the feeling autistic adults aren't trusted to do much though. :( I'm new to the community and noticed folks complaining that Autism Speaks didn't hire many autistic employees.



Pillar
Snowy Owl
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09 Jun 2018, 7:44 pm

EzraS wrote:
Pillar wrote:
I want to live a life I want, not a life of how people tell me I should live - "get a job", "have a relationship already", "Why don't you want to have kids? You'll regret it later and it will deteriorate your health". Just some thoughts people tend to throw around


I heard on the radio the other day that they asked someone who had turned 106 what their secret for longevity was, and they said "stay out of relationships. They cause too much stress".


Wow, that's the best advice I ever heard, thanks!