How common are female aspies who haven't dated yet?

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hurtloam
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08 Aug 2018, 5:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm... Can i just point out that 16 year olds should not be touching 10 year olds inappropriately. I don't want Kiriae to feel bad. That was in the past. I had other kids touch me inappropriately too. No one told these kids it was wrong and they should leave other kids privates alone. I told my Mum who told my teacher and it stopped.

I'm adding this for readers to know that there is a line. You can't go to school and touch other kids like that.

In the UK the are of consent is 16 so this would be a case of an adult touching a minor and would be a very serious issue.


Yes I was thinking the same, a 16 is sexually mature, while a 10 is just a child; he is a pedo.


Ok I was trying to be a bit more delicate than that. Remember Kiriae has opened up about her experience and I don't want her feeling like we are judging her. It's a delicate situation.

Kiriae we are uhappy with the 16 year old's behaviour, not yours. He should have known better. It's not your fault.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Aug 2018, 6:06 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm... Can i just point out that 16 year olds should not be touching 10 year olds inappropriately. I don't want Kiriae to feel bad. That was in the past. I had other kids touch me inappropriately too. No one told these kids it was wrong and they should leave other kids privates alone. I told my Mum who told my teacher and it stopped.

I'm adding this for readers to know that there is a line. You can't go to school and touch other kids like that.

In the UK the are of consent is 16 so this would be a case of an adult touching a minor and would be a very serious issue.


Yes I was thinking the same, a 16 is sexually mature, while a 10 is just a child; he is a pedo.


Ok I was trying to be a bit more delicate than that. Remember Kiriae has opened up about her experience and I don't want her feeling like we are judging her. It's a delicate situation.

Kiriae we are uhappy with the 16 year old's behaviour, not yours. He should have known better. It's not your fault.


Surely I was not faulting the 10 yo kid.



Spiderpig
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08 Aug 2018, 6:34 am

I suspect the odds are slightly less ridiculously against us trying to find a jaded woman who might appreciate our lack of jading experiences for a change than one nearly as inexperienced as us.


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hurtloam
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08 Aug 2018, 6:57 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm... Can i just point out that 16 year olds should not be touching 10 year olds inappropriately. I don't want Kiriae to feel bad. That was in the past. I had other kids touch me inappropriately too. No one told these kids it was wrong and they should leave other kids privates alone. I told my Mum who told my teacher and it stopped.

I'm adding this for readers to know that there is a line. You can't go to school and touch other kids like that.

In the UK the are of consent is 16 so this would be a case of an adult touching a minor and would be a very serious issue.


Yes I was thinking the same, a 16 is sexually mature, while a 10 is just a child; he is a pedo.


Ok I was trying to be a bit more delicate than that. Remember Kiriae has opened up about her experience and I don't want her feeling like we are judging her. It's a delicate situation.

Kiriae we are uhappy with the 16 year old's behaviour, not yours. He should have known better. It's not your fault.


Surely I was not faulting the 10 yo kid.


Yes I know you weren't. But people can internalize things. I just wanted to clarify.


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ShadowProphet
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10 Aug 2018, 9:52 am

Women generally speaking have it easier finding a dating partner and especially a sexual partner. This is true regardless of whether you are autistic or not.



Ecomatt91
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11 Aug 2018, 4:46 pm

ShadowProphet wrote:
Women generally speaking have it easier finding a dating partner and especially a sexual partner. This is true regardless of whether you are autistic or not.


Agreed here. It is true there are more females in their 20's no matter if they are AS or not they get dates easily. I understand the gender role of male to lead by asking females out but it not always the case. Men are usually looking matches to women who are looking. This is tricky question to answer because the factors are very broad. Depends on culture of country. India and Indonesia for instance have equal amount of females in their 20's haven't dated yet compared to the males in same country.



ShadowProphet
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11 Aug 2018, 10:11 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Agreed here. It is true there are more females in their 20's no matter if they are AS or not they get dates easily. I understand the gender role of male to lead by asking females out but it not always the case. Men are usually looking matches to women who are looking. This is tricky question to answer because the factors are very broad. Depends on culture of country. India and Indonesia for instance have equal amount of females in their 20's haven't dated yet compared to the males in same country.



If you're a young and pretty girl, dating is on easy mode. And that's a fact. If you're young and a decent looking woman, you're generally not going to have that much of an issue finding dating partners.

A couple months back, I checked out this girl's profile here on Wrong Planet. I read a lot of her threads, about how she broke up with her boyfriend, and all it took was a month for her to start seeing someone else.

I frequently browse Facebook and it seems like every time a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, she finds someone new within 6 months. And that doesn't even account for the amount of FWBs and booty calls they have.


So yeah, dating is super easy if you're a young woman.

And for guys, unless you're the top 20% of men looks wise, dating is going to be harder. You actually have to work for your success because it's rarely handed to you. Being an average guy is like being thrown into a lake, either you learn to swim to success or you fail and you sink.



hurtloam
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12 Aug 2018, 12:04 am

Ah, but the question was "how common is it for female aspies" not females in general.

If your social skills are lacking it's much more difficult. My friend asked me yesterday what kind of a vibe do I think I give off. Maybe I just look like I'm not actually interested in guys.

I think that can be a female Aspie issue. We don't present the expected emotions on our faces and men think we are not interested when we are. We are maybe more stand offish and less affectionate.

Who is a guy gonna go for? The obviously interested, flirting with him, affectionate one of course. Not the cold Aspie woman who is still trying to figure out if he actually likes her or not.


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12 Aug 2018, 5:11 am

hurtloam wrote:
If your social skills are lacking it's much more difficult. My friend asked me yesterday what kind of a vibe do I think I give off. Maybe I just look like I'm not actually interested in guys.


I guess you do. I’ve been told sometimes I look uninterested in getting to know anyone. The funny thing is, if I look like that, it’s because I’ve learned not to show any interest, as it gives away my desperation, makes any interaction with me even less desirable and invites abuse even more. However, I doubt I really fool everyone. To any moderately attractive and self-confident woman with her s**t together, as soon as her eyes meet mine, it must be deadly obvious that the real deal is, “There are very few things in life I’d like more than to get intimate with you in a number of ways, preferably all of them, but any by itself would still be much better than nothing. Meanwhile, you either are already satisfied with what you’re getting, or, at any rate, have much better options than doing it with me, so I’m not worth your time. We both know it. Now let’s move on, you to keep making the most of your rich and enviable life, and me to keep seeing mine go to waste.”

Ironically, however, if there’s any trend I’ve noticed among autistic women, it’s that it’s less obvious than with neurotypicals that they’d rather be left alone by the likes of me as soon as possible, thank you very much. Some look just plain nice and welcoming, but, of course, remembering my own upbringing, I know that’s probably the only expression they were allowed to show, so taking it at face—har, har—value would be unwise.

hurtloam wrote:
Who is a guy gonna go for? The obviously interested, flirting with him, affectionate one of course. Not the cold Aspie woman who is still trying to figure out if he actually likes her or not.


Maybe if the former ever exists.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Aug 2018, 5:20 am

The "obviously interested, flirting with him, affectionate one" always win.



Kinme
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12 Aug 2018, 5:37 pm

I'm still surprised I'm married, as I never thought I'd be in a successful relationship or any relationship, for that matter. I think if I wouldn't have been pursued, it'd never have happened.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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12 Aug 2018, 5:48 pm

More common then you think! Female aspies also struggle with communication, yes females are known to be more talkative compared to males but female aspies find it hard to interact and meet people as well as understand social cues too.

Some have more luck than others, aspies or neurotypicals



Mythos
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12 Aug 2018, 9:00 pm

For something like this, I think the easiest way to determine the facts is to look at the differences between male and female autism. There are some fairly key differences and, from what I have seen and heard, most women with autism are often far less obvious about it due to the fact that most of the tests and criteria were constructed with males in mind.

Besides this, I think women with autism are usually far more difficult to detect. I think most are overlooked as being timid or anxious when there is more behind it. On that basis alone, I would conclude that women may find it easier to engage in relationships, largely because timid women are often accepted far more than timid men (a poor side effect of gender stereotypes).

I don't have the numbers but that would be my guess, anyway. Besides this, I would suggest just trying to engage in relationships perhaps through mediums like Tinder or Match since you can at least distance yourself if the social aspect becomes too much, too soon. Your concerns about women being jaded are perfectly valid, as is the case with most neurotypical individuals. The one thing to remember is that this isn't a race, you're not meant to rush into it or compete. There'll be somebody out there for you eventually.

I wish you the best of luck.



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13 Aug 2018, 12:40 am

And then you get the combination of shy yet very opinionated like me. And that's jarring.

"Hmmm, she seemed sweet and shy, but she's actually quite challenging once you get to know her."


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Ecomatt91
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13 Aug 2018, 5:11 pm

99.9% of autistic women in their 20's in my city are mostly lesbians and taken. While less than 25% of autistic males are in same situation. Compared to female NTs in same age group there are more singles than aspie women.

I am not sure how this is a case, even if it similar in other parts of the country explaining why there always more aspie females are not single than NTs. Likewise said about communication challenges, I believe they become vulnerable in relationships with boyfriends for 'sex' or 'status'. It doesn't sound like love. I am not saying its aspie females' fault not understanding this. Majority of aspie females here are in very weird kind of relationships. When I hang out in groups and meetups meeting them seeing how they behave with their boyfriends it not similar to NTs' relationships. Communication is very minimal, being super clingy with him and dictate them around like "we going in there" etc.

In this sort of behaviour I feel bad for their boyfriends too because it like they love to have a girlfriend by 'status' (yes young people these days :roll: ). They could be extroverted aspie women with alpha male like attitude while their boyfriends are introverted and shy.

I only met very very few aspie women in relationships who are introverted and shy who have extroverted and alpha male boyfriends. Vulnerability is there.

Case for NT women in their 20's who are more single it because they understand their decisions that may impact their wellbeing and status. I get along with NT females a lot more better than aspie females because they are more consistent with their behaviour and communication. Many aspie females I try to interact like being friends, talk about life and the usual things where we meet like in Meetup groups etc, it so difficult to understand a conversation and empathy from them. This gets me wondered "how they have a boyfriend with that attitude?". I seen lot of extroverted NT males get scared of those aspie women while the introverted ones being taken advantage. One girl she did take advantage of me being so rash that ended up deleting me on Facebook, Meetup and blocked while recreated three new different accounts on Meetup in same group I represent. This is very inconsistent and immature aspie women ever met. I feel terrible for her boyfriend experiencing this. This may be a trap.

I apologise if this grammar isn't perfect. I am trying hard to express my concerns and expressions.