How common are female aspies who haven't dated yet?

Page 7 of 8 [ 107 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next

fifasy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,264
Location: England

17 Aug 2018, 5:21 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Well, I just got rejected again. So I'm still very much in this never been in a relationship category.

I'm heartbroken. It gets worse every time because I always think, "a ha, this is the one I've been waiting for. This person makes all those lonely years worth it." But it always turns out they weren't really interested in me at all.

I feel like an idiot.


Sorry. I'm mad about a Canadian actress at the moment who I probably have no chance of ever being with. I sent her a couple of Twitter messages and never got a response. I kind of feel your pain. Unrequited love is a real b***h.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,813
Location: Sweden

18 Aug 2018, 8:50 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
The problem is NT against ASD. I seen other post about ND vs ND struggle in connecting each others. This goes back to point 1 - everybody is different! That we mean general population is different. Autistic people are incredibly diverse, even more diverse than NTs. So in relation to this, lack of empathy from NTs towards Autistic people is incredibly exposed. There so many research studies saying why and how NTs struggle to understand Autism and what ways to approach them.


You cannot expect to understand NTs or NDs as a phenotype. Also, ASD is a collection of traits that psychiatry has decided are part of a disorder, and such a basis cannot be used to understand NDs. So, first, you need to define something that has not been biased as a disorder by psychiatry (which is what I've done, and what I call ND). Still, even such concept would not be a phenotype, but a spectrum. Both NT and ND people are on a spectrum and not a phenotype. So, the primary reason why autistic people are so diverse is that the ASD diagnosis is not a useful concept, rather the label can be set on both people that have many NT-traits, and that have many ND-traits.

Ecomatt91 wrote:
When Autistic people are still learning about communication and social skills due to delayed process from young age - NTs also a same too. They lack of empathy skills and dealing with change. Hell I met quite few Aspie females struggling in relationships with NT males but they still together. So why stigmatise Aspie males for being single because he is different than females?


ND females have other problems in the relationship area than ND males. It's easier for them to find a date and getting sex, but I doubt it is easier for them to get into a good relationship.



Babi dwr
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 23 Jun 2016
Age: 1940
Gender: Female
Posts: 95
Location: UK

18 Aug 2018, 9:58 am

Yes theres a lot of inherent problems for ND women in relationships and I think that there should be some serious education for asd females about relationships provided early on in the school system. Specifically about all the things they probably wont realise, and all the pitfalls that come with being neurodiverse. Its not enough to let people find this out through trial and error.



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,500
Location: Lancashire, UK

18 Aug 2018, 10:41 am

fifasy wrote:
Sorry. I'm mad about a Canadian actress at the moment who I probably have no chance of ever being with. I sent her a couple of Twitter messages and never got a response. I kind of feel your pain. Unrequited love is a real b***h.


It's harassment. You harassed an actress on Twitter.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 817

18 Aug 2018, 5:20 pm

Babi dwr wrote:
Yes theres a lot of inherent problems for ND women in relationships and I think that there should be some serious education for asd females about relationships provided early on in the school system. Specifically about all the things they probably wont realise, and all the pitfalls that come with being neurodiverse. Its not enough to let people find this out through trial and error.


I agreed with rdos and you. I seen all ASD and/or ND females in my met who I already told you all who are in relationships or lesbians (lack of singles) they have weird relationships with their boyfriends. I tried to make friends with them first, and they kept pressuring me like how a NT toxic people treats me.

I just wish there is a reset button for my life because it so hard for me to find right people. New people are also toxic too! Couldnt escape this toxic society.



Casstranquility
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 Apr 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 172
Location: Vermont

18 Aug 2018, 6:29 pm

I haven't been diagnosed with Aspergers, but I didn't date until I was 20 years old. And that was only online. When I was 23, I stopped having romantic relationships with men online and was not interested again until the age of 29. I still do not feel like an average adult. I feel younger and much much older in some respects. I began talking with a man on these forums in 2012 who said he had Aspergers and seemed to understand my many difficulties with the adult world. I fell in love with him for mostly that reason, and we have remained together ever since then. I think our little relationship experience before each other was helpful in cementing our bond. If we had been "normal" with regards to dating and having a relationship, perhaps we would not have found the other so reachable, attainable, or attractive.


_________________
Let us comfort each other, and move tenderly when we are able. Let us hold hands and walk bravely, or fearfully together; for as long as there is Love, there is Hope, that everything will be okay, including the things we say are not.


fifasy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,264
Location: England

18 Aug 2018, 6:50 pm

Tequila wrote:
fifasy wrote:
Sorry. I'm mad about a Canadian actress at the moment who I probably have no chance of ever being with. I sent her a couple of Twitter messages and never got a response. I kind of feel your pain. Unrequited love is a real b***h.


It's harassment. You harassed an actress on Twitter.


You got anything better to do, Armchair Lawyer? :P



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,418
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

18 Aug 2018, 9:36 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I have the best pokemon related joke, and it fits this thread perfectly.

A WILD MISSINGNO APPEARS. GET IT? MISSING NUMBER? :o :o :o :o :D

Oh dear.. :hail:


I wonder if it bears any resemblance to Sgt Schultz. :lol:


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,418
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

18 Aug 2018, 9:58 pm

Tequila wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
fifasy wrote:

In my opinion men make more of an effort to find women... than women make an effort to find men. Throughout my life I have seen men drink more alcohol... and take more risks than women. Because they have to! Generally speaking. But maybe Aspie women have to take more risks too. That was my thinking.


In my experience men don't make much effort. It's always me doing the asking and inviting. It really gets me down. No one seems to want to put themselves out there to get to know me. It's always down to me to try and organise the next meet up. I'm sick of it. I wish someone would like me enough to want to ask me out not always me asking them, putting myself forward and getting rejected in the long run. It's depressing.


In my case I don't actively ask out the women I'm interested in because I have low self esteem and know they'll reject me. Then I risk being seen as a creep and would have to abandon the entire social circle. Basically, asking a girl out could cost me everything, so I don't.



Generally, if you ever second guess whether a girl likes you or not then it’s 99% chance means she doesn’t.

Usually women are way less subtle in showing interest than us men, even when they think they are not being so obvious.

So yeah, you are doing it right.


Really? Generally, in the UK anyway, men have a reputation for not picking up on signals from women.


There's a culture in women's magazines of "Ooh, men are thick, aren't they?" - this culture can pose a problem I think.


Canada's b***h magazine is the perfect example. I read a copy one time and I can't be bothered to read another.


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


BacterialAutism
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2018
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

20 Aug 2018, 12:58 pm

I've literally only dated on Club Penguin.



IstominFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2016
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,890
Location: Santa Maria, CA.

24 Aug 2018, 9:32 am

I'm almost 54 and have never really dated, to speak of.



gushingwind
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 24 Aug 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
Location: Melbourne

24 Aug 2018, 3:07 pm

me, unless you count dating a kid i didn't even like for a few weeks when i was 14 and dumping him by text. since i've been 18 men have only ever wanted to sleep with me. or the ones who were into me just weren't my type. or like they were kinda into me but into another girl more and ultimately choose her because well, i'd choose a mentally stable woman over me too. and i've been pretty isolated these last two years because i've had to survive off benefits. i tried tinder and some men seemed promising but it ultimately fizzled out because i'm not studying or working and that's a turn off to people. i supposed i could broaden my options down to 18 (currently it's at 20, i'm 22) to find someone at my maturity level, problem is most 18 year olds around here blow all their money on drugs and clubbing and that's just eww to me.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 817

24 Aug 2018, 7:56 pm

gushingwind wrote:
me, unless you count dating a kid i didn't even like for a few weeks when i was 14 and dumping him by text. since i've been 18 men have only ever wanted to sleep with me. or the ones who were into me just weren't my type. or like they were kinda into me but into another girl more and ultimately choose her because well, i'd choose a mentally stable woman over me too. and i've been pretty isolated these last two years because i've had to survive off benefits. i tried tinder and some men seemed promising but it ultimately fizzled out because i'm not studying or working and that's a turn off to people. i supposed i could broaden my options down to 18 (currently it's at 20, i'm 22) to find someone at my maturity level, problem is most 18 year olds around here blow all their money on drugs and clubbing and that's just eww to me.


Same here when I was at your age and from 18 when move out of home to uni. I am 27 now and unfortunately I don't see much change for people from mid to late 20's. It apparent Gen Y problem these days. So much influence by media and technology feeding and breeding bad personalities.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,952
Location: US

25 Aug 2018, 12:46 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
gushingwind wrote:
me, unless you count dating a kid i didn't even like for a few weeks when i was 14 and dumping him by text. since i've been 18 men have only ever wanted to sleep with me. or the ones who were into me just weren't my type. or like they were kinda into me but into another girl more and ultimately choose her because well, i'd choose a mentally stable woman over me too. and i've been pretty isolated these last two years because i've had to survive off benefits. i tried tinder and some men seemed promising but it ultimately fizzled out because i'm not studying or working and that's a turn off to people. i supposed i could broaden my options down to 18 (currently it's at 20, i'm 22) to find someone at my maturity level, problem is most 18 year olds around here blow all their money on drugs and clubbing and that's just eww to me.


Same here when I was at your age and from 18 when move out of home to uni. I am 27 now and unfortunately I don't see much change for people from mid to late 20's. It apparent Gen Y problem these days. So much influence by media and technology feeding and breeding bad personalities.


True, most people my age 30 either have kids or their idea of fun is bars and clubs which means drinking, or just buying alcohol and drinking at home. I have nothing to say to them as I don’t believe in drinking alcohol. I’m lame they say.

Most the dates I got were 19-23 year olds. I’ve dated two women my age. I wish there were more women in benifits like like the her, maybe they’d date men in benefits but probably not. Most women here where I live seem to be highly successful, feminism work d very well on the west coast it seems.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 817

25 Aug 2018, 7:32 pm

Sly, it is definitely true. I think this is got something to do with culture of western countries. Earlier conversations about how empathetic of foreign women being with someone who are seen as weird, creepy and stereotypical by their domestic peers. Its definitely the Gen Y problem. There so many extroverted people expected us Aspies including myself to be smart like how they see good at communication and social skills to have big label of 'a girlfriend', 'big money job' and high expectations.

In other thread there mentioned about alcohol and party culture for people in their 20's. Of course this has never changed even our parents partied in their 20's but the culture is a lot more reality than stereotyped by media and technology. I think mid 1990's was a shift in Gen Y culture for people in their 20's.

I was at the wedding last night. There were two women around same age as me who are struggling to find their love. They are NTs and confident people. I am not sure what their lives are like but it made me think about expectations from media and stereotypes how and why people struggle to find while competitiveness of personality.