OK if it so impossible, how did my boyfriend find me?

Page 1 of 8 [ 112 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 8  Next

Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 30,932
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

28 Jun 2018, 2:25 am

We would have never met if we didn't meet on okcupid, probably. So yes after failures I met someone on there and well its ended up in a lasting relationship. So IDK that is why it hard for me to believe that its 'impossible' for guys on the spectrum to ever get a relationship. Like my boyfriend is not some social guru, I mean he doesn't even have any friends though we are trying to make some.....yet he attracted me just fine. Just saying I am not the only woman out there who wants someone to fall in love with rather than a provider. The way it is now we will help each other survive..both putting in what we can.

I have even had second thoughts because I think I cannot put enough in.....like I am still working on getting work and such. But thing is he really loves me, so like he wants to be with me even as I work through that...If I broke up with him he would be devastated so I certainly am not staying with him for him to provide for me. I really love him and I think in the hypothetical situation that someone came to do us harm in our apartment....I'd defend him if need be, though logically he is bigger so he might do more defending. But that is the point if everything goes to s**t, which could happen in this country we both have each others backs.


_________________
Welcome to hell, this is the end.


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

28 Jun 2018, 2:36 am

It’s not impossible. Some people want to make little to no effort in life and blame everyone when they fail to tend to the seeds which produce a fruitful tree.

You can’t change other people. You can change how you choose to progress to work through things that may not be working for you in a positive way.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,085
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Jun 2018, 3:14 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
We would have never met if we didn't meet on okcupid, probably. So yes after failures I met someone on there and well its ended up in a lasting relationship. So IDK that is why it hard for me to believe that its 'impossible' for guys on the spectrum to ever get a relationship. Like my boyfriend is not some social guru, I mean he doesn't even have any friends though we are trying to make some.....yet he attracted me just fine. Just saying I am not the only woman out there who wants someone to fall in love with rather than a provider. The way it is now we will help each other survive..both putting in what we can.

I have even had second thoughts because I think I cannot put enough in.....like I am still working on getting work and such. But thing is he really loves me, so like he wants to be with me even as I work through that...If I broke up with him he would be devastated so I certainly am not staying with him for him to provide for me. I really love him and I think in the hypothetical situation that someone came to do us harm in our apartment....I'd defend him if need be, though logically he is bigger so he might do more defending. But that is the point if everything goes to s**t, which could happen in this country we both have each others backs.



With all honesty, do you think your male version (unemployed too, aspie, same non conventional looks, same shortcomings...etc) would be able to win the female version of your boyfriend?

As a start, the hypothetical 'female version of your boyfriend' would have faaaaar more options on okcupid than what your boyfriend had on okcupid - because that's a one reality of online dating: men outnumber women by far, and women receive tons more offers than men.

On the other hand, your hypothetical male version, would have faaaar less options on okcupid than what you really had there.



Booyakasha
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,898

28 Jun 2018, 3:50 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
We would have never met if we didn't meet on okcupid, probably. So yes after failures I met someone on there and well its ended up in a lasting relationship.


i have a friend who's the sweetest, kindest, nicest person, smart as hell, even handsome, tried everything, didn't get anyone

how do you explain that?

no wait, i have three such friends, or is it four



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 15,066
Location: US

28 Jun 2018, 4:49 am

hale_bopp wrote:
It’s not impossible. Some people want to make little to no effort in life and blame everyone when they fail to tend to the seeds which produce a fruitful tree.

You can’t change other people. You can change how you choose to progress to work through things that may not be working for you in a positive way.

From what i understand she did nothing either and did dating sites just lie me,but she had pleanty of matches, went few dates and found a bf. So where’s your logic other then she’s a woman and thus more men willing to date her then a male in similar situation has females willing to dat him?



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

28 Jun 2018, 5:29 am

I think the point was that her boyfriend has his faults and still managed to find someone.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Australia

28 Jun 2018, 5:49 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I think the point was that her boyfriend has his faults and still managed to find someone.

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what this thread is about. It's not about the OP, the female, it's about the male finding someone (her). So bringing up the "women have it easier" argument yet again has no place in this thread.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Australia

28 Jun 2018, 5:51 am

Booyakasha wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
We would have never met if we didn't meet on okcupid, probably. So yes after failures I met someone on there and well its ended up in a lasting relationship.


i have a friend who's the sweetest, kindest, nicest person, smart as hell, even handsome, tried everything, didn't get anyone

how do you explain that?

no wait, i have three such friends, or is it four

Yet.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,085
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Jun 2018, 9:59 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I think the point was that her boyfriend has his faults and still managed to find someone.

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what this thread is about. It's not about the OP, the female, it's about the male finding someone (her). So bringing up the "women have it easier" argument yet again has no place in this thread.



Yet in 2nd paragraph of her post, she was talking about herself and her situation. Which should be irrelevant if the thread is really only about her bf.

Her bf’s situation doesn’t sound too bad: he has a job, he is big sized, he is not aspie. He *is* actually the provider of sweetleaf.

It is really not comparable to guys like sly or shadow prophet.



amykitten
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 146

28 Jun 2018, 11:21 am

So what about my boyfriend then? He's an aspie, so social awkward etc, unemployed, has anxiety and depression, terrible sleep etc. He has me, and I'm pretty awesome if I say so myself.



Syd
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,083

28 Jun 2018, 11:44 am

There's a family member on my brother-in-law's side of the family who's never been in a relationship as far as I know. He's highly intelligent, attractive, a really nice guy, and earns a good living in D.C. as an accountant. He's very shy and I suspect he's on the autistic spectrum, but I've never asked. I'm sure he'd be a great husband and father, but he's just not social at all. It's just difficult for him.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

29 Jun 2018, 2:02 am

The face of boo just likes an opening to bash females. There was seriously nothing aggressive about the OPs post. It had no deeper meaning. It’s exactly what I said a few posts up.



314pe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Sep 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,013

29 Jun 2018, 6:14 am

They say that it's impossible to find a girlfriend for them, not in general.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

29 Jun 2018, 6:22 am

hale_bopp wrote:
The face of boo just likes an opening to bash females. There was seriously nothing aggressive about the OPs post. It had no deeper meaning. It’s exactly what I said a few posts up.

There was nothing aggressive in Boo's post too.



Booyakasha
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,898

29 Jun 2018, 7:09 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I think the point was that her boyfriend has his faults and still managed to find someone.

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what this thread is about. It's not about the OP, the female, it's about the male finding someone (her). So bringing up the "women have it easier" argument yet again has no place in this thread.



Yet in 2nd paragraph of her post, she was talking about herself and her situation. Which should be irrelevant if the thread is really only about her bf.

Her bf’s situation doesn’t sound too bad: he has a job, he is big sized, he is not aspie. He *is* actually the provider of sweetleaf.

It is really not comparable to guys like sly or shadow prophet.


yeah the whole premise of this thread is flawed - it's not like we're some higher species of humans which some flawed men can win over if they try better - like some of them aren't already trying too hard. and this shouldn't be middle ages when guys had to fight a tournament to win a girl's hand...and despite what some females say, no, we're not awesome any more than guys are, we're also flawed and we should be happy to find them too.