OK if it so impossible, how did my boyfriend find me?

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Booyakasha
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01 Jul 2018, 2:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
isloth wrote:
Only one way to find out, Booyakasha go and sit at a big table in a cafe alone and see if it happens!
... i think i'd freak out ...
Aww, c'mon ... give it a try! Just once ... maybe ask some friends to sit at another table nearby as part of the 'experiment'. If things get too shaky for you, they would be right there to support you.

Whaddaya say? :D

This what would most likely happens:

1- She orders food
2- Eats her food alone, with no one bothering her.
3- Pays and leaves.

The other outcome can happen in pure coincidence; which is an unplanned bumping into friends scenario:

1-She orders food
2- A friend comes in there spots her and goes to her to say “Hiiiiii! you’re here!”; kissing her 2 or 3 times on cheek or hugging her, (that depends on culture and friend’s gender probably); on the way they may be introducing her to their friends if there are any.
3- Booya would invite them, out of being socially correct, to join her empty table and eat togother.
4- Pay and leave; or go shopping togother or something....etc

Now these 2 scenarios are things that happen every day in every city of the world on our planet Earth ; and not like the GoldFish-YellowMartin strange planet where compelete strangers would join the tables and interact with loner eaters.


I never had any other way, and I seriously doubt anyone else had it in the neighbouring area (and yeah, whole Balkan area and central Europe is pretty much the same).

if they did it it would cause weird looks and possibly humiliation so i doubt anyone with a bit of sense in their noggin' would consider it doing, unless they're kip/cberg kind of guys with a masochistic streak.

I ate pizza once by myself, nothing happened. I was in caffee waiting for someone a few times, nothing happened either. and it's not that i'm particularly ugly, having tentacles, overweight or especially bitchy attitude - i like to keep to myself and generally speaking i don't get bothered by anyone, unless it's some elderly people (of both genders) who feel particularly lonely and would strike a conversation even with a dog.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jul 2018, 2:36 am

Check my editted post for more humor flavor.



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01 Jul 2018, 3:21 am

Fnord wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
It bothers me because I know people who lead miserable lives solely because they believe that "dark forces" beyond their control are "out to get them", and it physically hurts to see them that way. No amount of reason, no amount of guidance, and no amount of pleading with them can convince them that they not only need to keep trying, but they need to keep trying the right things. If I can convince someone that it is not the universe that's at fault, that there is no female conspiracy to withhold love from them, and that they are not too ugly to even find love, then I'll have accomplished something worthwhile -- something with a higher purpose than mere platitudes and motivational quotes can provide.
And when we know the fault lies within us and don't blame the Universe or gods or w/e, what then? ...
'We' stop whining, get up off 'our' lazy butts, and keep trying the things that actually work.


Obvi there are treatments for ASD that raise functioning levels significantly, but there is no cure & nothing will change that, and knowing what I know about ASD and myself - I won't subject someone else to it. So, the thing that works that I can live with is flying solo.


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Booyakasha
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01 Jul 2018, 3:47 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Check my editted post for more humor flavor.


lol ok, i edited your quote.

no kissing 2 or 3 times :lol: not customary here

god forbid unless they're my daughter, no way!

hugging - usually from a distance, not overly cordially, reserved for close friends, but never too tight - kissing also, even among friends, from a distance

we're slavs, not italians :lol:



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01 Jul 2018, 8:23 am

Booyakasha wrote:
we're slavs, not italians :lol:


Well then it's easy, as a Russian, I can say this is how you adjust the plan to maximize success:

1. Stand in line in front of bar waiting for it to open.
2. Stranger approaches you and asks for a light for their cigarette (strangers do this constantly even if you look 16).
3. To be politically correct, Offer to share the cost of a bottle of vodka.
4. Repeat as many times as necessary to get a whole group.
5. Before long there will be plenty of hugs and kisses to go around :)


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Booyakasha
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01 Jul 2018, 1:27 pm

isloth wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
we're slavs, not italians :lol:


Well then it's easy, as a Russian, I can say this is how you adjust the plan to maximize success:

1. Stand in line in front of bar waiting for it to open.
2. Stranger approaches you and asks for a light for their cigarette (strangers do this constantly even if you look 16).
3. To be politically correct, Offer to share the cost of a bottle of vodka.
4. Repeat as many times as necessary to get a whole group.
5. Before long there will be plenty of hugs and kisses to go around :)


:lol:

ok now i know what NOT to do if ever i'll be in Russia lol



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01 Jul 2018, 1:46 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Sorry, I have no idea what a chav is. A bogan is someone who drives modified cars with huge exhausts, blows money on stuff with no capital value then has the balls to blame middle class people they don’t even know for the fact they have no money.

Generally speaking, bogans and the middle class don’t like each other or interrelate much.

My last flat had a bogan in it and her trashy brother ransacked my bedroom because he was jealous at the fact I’ve worked hard for 10 years, saved my money and bought a place. That guy was born a loser and will die a loser, never worked a day in his life. Lost over $1000 of my possessions. It was the absolute last time I’ll give bogans a chance.

Upper class people only relate to themselves as well.


So guess you wouldn’t like me

Middle class people steal too



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01 Jul 2018, 1:48 pm

Quote:
unless they're kip/cberg kind of guys with a masochistic streak.


what does this have to do with anything?


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01 Jul 2018, 2:13 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
so tend to completely avoid them nowdays.

Image



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01 Jul 2018, 5:16 pm

I find this hilarious. Someone finds a boyfriend and is so unemphatic that she just can't fathom why others can't do it :roll:

Met over 5 guys on the spectrum who have never had a girlfriend and are over 30 and tried so much to get one.

But good for you that you found a boyfriend. I'm happy for you. Please don't mirror your life on other people though. Thank you.


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02 Jul 2018, 4:56 am

Peacesells wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
so tend to completely avoid them nowdays.

Image


If you can’t see the logic in stereotyping people to protect yourself, clearly you haven’t been screwed over enough in life.

I’m wary of everyone, but 80% of the people who have made my life hell are bogans. Most of the remaining 20% are upper class, who I avoid as well.

Not to say the remaining 20% aren’t lurking around me and I don’t know it.



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02 Jul 2018, 5:10 am

sly279 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Sorry, I have no idea what a chav is. A bogan is someone who drives modified cars with huge exhausts, blows money on stuff with no capital value then has the balls to blame middle class people they don’t even know for the fact they have no money.

Generally speaking, bogans and the middle class don’t like each other or interrelate much.

My last flat had a bogan in it and her trashy brother ransacked my bedroom because he was jealous at the fact I’ve worked hard for 10 years, saved my money and bought a place. That guy was born a loser and will die a loser, never worked a day in his life. Lost over $1000 of my possessions. It was the absolute last time I’ll give bogans a chance.

Upper class people only relate to themselves as well.


So guess you wouldn’t like me

Middle class people steal too


You’re reasonably nice looking but we wouldn’t be compatible, and not because of a house, car or bank account.



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09 Jul 2018, 8:34 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
We would have never met if we didn't meet on okcupid, probably. So yes after failures I met someone on there and well its ended up in a lasting relationship. So IDK that is why it hard for me to believe that its 'impossible' for guys on the spectrum to ever get a relationship. Like my boyfriend is not some social guru, I mean he doesn't even have any friends though we are trying to make some.....yet he attracted me just fine. Just saying I am not the only woman out there who wants someone to fall in love with rather than a provider. The way it is now we will help each other survive..both putting in what we can.

I have even had second thoughts because I think I cannot put enough in.....like I am still working on getting work and such. But thing is he really loves me, so like he wants to be with me even as I work through that...If I broke up with him he would be devastated so I certainly am not staying with him for him to provide for me. I really love him and I think in the hypothetical situation that someone came to do us harm in our apartment....I'd defend him if need be, though logically he is bigger so he might do more defending. But that is the point if everything goes to s**t, which could happen in this country we both have each others backs.


Anecdotal cases like yours don't prove that it's not difficult for other people. Besides, I find that on sites like WP, female members seem more likely to find a partner than the men, consider how many men claim that they can't find a partner compared to the women.



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09 Jul 2018, 8:41 am

Jono wrote:
Anecdotal cases like yours don't prove that it's not difficult for other people...
True, but it does more-or-less prove that finding someone is possible ... at least, more possible than finding someone through spamming websites with innumerable threads on the topic of "I Can't Get a Girlfriend" ... :roll:


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Last edited by Fnord on 09 Jul 2018, 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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09 Jul 2018, 8:44 am

Anecdote can be very useful. It’s all about living life and learning lessons.