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We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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Raven
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26 Aug 2018, 6:26 pm

'Tis actually an interesting question: just how much human contact do we need/how to live with social isolation (if possible)...
There are lots of movies, where the main character, who is a genius, goes away from everyone to do his own thing and invents some secret thing, (those type of characters make me jealous). Maybe, that's a myth, though.
I'd say, even smart people need others, so they could show them their achievements and share their thoughts, help them in some way. Without others even geniuses would give up on their things...
Try talking to experts/specialists more. They may be more inspiring)
(Weird random sidenote: I've just realized that I've only seen 1 aspie in real life, who isn't a relative)



ilovehumanitybuthatepeople
Tufted Titmouse
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28 Aug 2018, 6:57 am

I hear you. Accepting that may help me.



rick42
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28 Aug 2018, 10:34 am

IrisIndigo wrote:
I wrote this a little bit ago to my mother about this topic. I don't believe that we can't have any relationships (I'm married to an NT) but I do believe we have to face the reality that we won't have many. I'd love to meet other aspies women just to feel less alone but it's not like we are the type to go hang out on crowds looking for friendship.

"If you believe the entire purpose of life is walking and then you're in a wheelchair, you either have to redefine your purpose of life or you're going to kill yourself. I defined the purpose of life as relationships for the majority of my life. I will have very few if any relationships ever. the ones I do have will occasionally make me feel like Alice in Wonderland and will make me lose my grip on reality. The more people that are in my life the more Up Is Down and Down is up. I have to redefine a purpose for life that doesn't include people. I like the trees and I like animals. I have to find a safe space for myself inside my own head. And I have to come to terms with being alone. I know you love me as do others but I am alone. I have no one in my life that walks on this ground with me everybody else is walking on clouds and I have no clue how they're doing it."


Agreed.I believe it's very possible for Aspies to be able to get into relationships,but shouldn't expect too many.Now for me,I have already faced the fact that I will probably not be any relationships(romantic relationship or even just a simple friendship) whatsoever for the rest of my life and outside of this website,I get absolutely no human contact whatsoever(unless it's at work and even then,I don't talk with my CO Workers about anything that isn't strictly work related).Far as puprse of life,I define it by working as hard as possible,even with little to no human contact.



CalicoMischief
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28 Sep 2018, 9:54 am

rick42 wrote:
Personally I see no point. Part of having AS/Autism is the inability to make friends or have romantic relationships.Myself is guilty for trying.Over the last 15 years,I have asked out many women out on dates(including Aspie women),and every single one of them rejected me.For over 25 years,I have tried to get to know people and be friends with them,but that failed as well.Over the last week or so.I have realize that it's simply close to impossible for a Aspies,especially Aspie males to have friends or be in relationships.Besides having any friends/relationship is a NT/non Aspie thing anyway.The fact is that Aspies are just not meant to have any friends/relationships and I have began to realize this reality and hopefully other Aspies come to realization that friendships/relationships are simply not meant for us .


I feel this way about neurotypical people but hopefully i can make at least one other aspie friend. Someone with impairments like mine. I know they exist.



CalicoMischief
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28 Sep 2018, 10:08 am

I find it challenging to post lengthy replies to posts in this forum, let along make attempts at social conversation in person. I suppose replying on-topic in this forum would be a best social outcome for me in reality in terms of social interaction.



TW1ZTY
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28 Sep 2018, 10:54 am

But the thing is humans are social animals. It is impossible for any human including an Aspie to live completely isolated from other humans for the rest of their lives because that would drive us insane. Even introverts need the occasional human contact even if they don't like being around people.

I have never been in a relationship and I have no friends but I am very close with my Mom who takes care of me and I get along ok with my siblings and grandparents. Plus my brother just had a baby girl and I am excited about having a neice now.

But I know that not everyone has a close family that supports them and that is a very sad thing so I don't know what to say about that.



rick42
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28 Sep 2018, 2:28 pm

TW1ZTY wrote:
But the thing is humans are social animals. It is impossible for any human including an Aspie to live completely isolated from other humans for the rest of their lives because that would drive us insane. Even introverts need the occasional human contact even if they don't like being around people.

I have never been in a relationship and I have no friends but I am very close with my Mom who takes care of me and I get along ok with my siblings and grandparents. Plus my brother just had a baby girl and I am excited about having a neice now.

But I know that not everyone has a close family that supports them and that is a very sad thing so I don't know what to say about that.


As for me,I don't get any human contact outside of this website,so being totally isolated(outside of work) doesn't bother me.I haven't even seen or contacted with any of my family members in like almost 2 years, and haven't had any human contact(outside of work related reasons or this website) for almost a year. I believe Aspies could be totally isolated and be fine(if they have enough independent skills), becasue many of us are not social like everyone else is.Some people need a lot of human contact,some people need little to even no human contact.For many Aspies,it's the latter.



Sahn
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28 Sep 2018, 2:53 pm

rick42 wrote:
TW1ZTY wrote:
But the thing is humans are social animals. It is impossible for any human including an Aspie to live completely isolated from other humans for the rest of their lives because that would drive us insane. Even introverts need the occasional human contact even if they don't like being around people.

I have never been in a relationship and I have no friends but I am very close with my Mom who takes care of me and I get along ok with my siblings and grandparents. Plus my brother just had a baby girl and I am excited about having a neice now.

But I know that not everyone has a close family that supports them and that is a very sad thing so I don't know what to say about that.


As for me,I don't get any human contact outside of this website,so being totally isolated(outside of work) doesn't bother me.I haven't even seen or contacted with any of my family members in like almost 2 years, and haven't had any human contact(outside of work related reasons or this website) for almost a year. I believe Aspies could be totally isolated and be fine(if they have enough independent skills), becasue many of us are not social like everyone else is.Some people need a lot of human contact,some people need little to even no human contact.For many Aspies,it's the latter.

Do you like your work very much? I've been enjoying my work recently and not feeling he need to socialise. I'm working with a family member who is also Aspie which I guess is quite fortunate. What is your work situation like?



rick42
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28 Sep 2018, 3:21 pm

domineekee wrote:
rick42 wrote:
TW1ZTY wrote:
But the thing is humans are social animals. It is impossible for any human including an Aspie to live completely isolated from other humans for the rest of their lives because that would drive us insane. Even introverts need the occasional human contact even if they don't like being around people.

I have never been in a relationship and I have no friends but I am very close with my Mom who takes care of me and I get along ok with my siblings and grandparents. Plus my brother just had a baby girl and I am excited about having a neice now.

But I know that not everyone has a close family that supports them and that is a very sad thing so I don't know what to say about that.


As for me,I don't get any human contact outside of this website,so being totally isolated(outside of work) doesn't bother me.I haven't even seen or contacted with any of my family members in like almost 2 years, and haven't had any human contact(outside of work related reasons or this website) for almost a year. I believe Aspies could be totally isolated and be fine(if they have enough independent skills), becasue many of us are not social like everyone else is.Some people need a lot of human contact,some people need little to even no human contact.For many Aspies,it's the latter.

Do you like your work very much? I've been enjoying my work recently and not feeling he need to socialise. I'm working with a family member who is also Aspie which I guess is quite fortunate. What is your work situation like?


I have work with several people(None of them are on the AS/ASD spectrum).I isolate myself from them and not talk to them unless I absolutely have to for job purposes, becasue I have absolutely nothing in common with any of my co workers.I overall I somewhat like my job,but i feel it be better if I don't have to talk to anyone at all, or if most or all of my co workers were on the AS/ASD spectrum.



Prometheus18
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28 Sep 2018, 3:27 pm

Personally I've never tried to make friends or girlfriends, beyond a token amount, nor have I ever particularly wanted them. I suppose one's better off that way, but most people seem to struggle living alone.



Last edited by Prometheus18 on 28 Sep 2018, 5:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

TW1ZTY
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28 Sep 2018, 4:49 pm

I guess every Aspie is different. Some don't like human companionship and some do. I'm the second one.

I have poor social skills and get just as awkward around people as any other Aspie does but I know that if I didn't have people in my life to share things with it would destroy me.



Biskit69
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29 Sep 2018, 4:15 pm

I think the exact opposite of you because I was shy until people started wanting to be my friend


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CalicoMischief
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29 Sep 2018, 5:18 pm

rick42 wrote:
IrisIndigo wrote:
I wrote this a little bit ago to my mother about this topic. I don't believe that we can't have any relationships (I'm married to an NT) but I do believe we have to face the reality that we won't have many. I'd love to meet other aspies women just to feel less alone but it's not like we are the type to go hang out on crowds looking for friendship.

"If you believe the entire purpose of life is walking and then you're in a wheelchair, you either have to redefine your purpose of life or you're going to kill yourself. I defined the purpose of life as relationships for the majority of my life. I will have very few if any relationships ever. the ones I do have will occasionally make me feel like Alice in Wonderland and will make me lose my grip on reality. The more people that are in my life the more Up Is Down and Down is up. I have to redefine a purpose for life that doesn't include people. I like the trees and I like animals. I have to find a safe space for myself inside my own head. And I have to come to terms with being alone. I know you love me as do others but I am alone. I have no one in my life that walks on this ground with me everybody else is walking on clouds and I have no clue how they're doing it."


Agreed.I believe it's very possible for Aspies to be able to get into relationships,but shouldn't expect too many.Now for me,I have already faced the fact that I will probably not be any relationships(romantic relationship or even just a simple friendship) whatsoever for the rest of my life and outside of this website,I get absolutely no human contact whatsoever(unless it's at work and even then,I don't talk with my CO Workers about anything that isn't strictly work related).Far as puprse of life,I define it by working as hard as possible,even with little to no human contact.

I read many posts like this but then i post a request for friends or pen pals and no one ever responds.



Tirips
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02 Oct 2018, 9:05 am

Just read the first post, I'm starting to feel that way for myself as I'm getting older.
It's a bad feeling to realize but I'm coming to terms with it. Starting noticing it over the past year after dealing with a few deaths.

Even though I honestly only have about 4 friends, 1 I know from facebook through a ace group I've known for almost 8 years, the other 3 I've met in person but live in different states.

Relationships / close friendships aren't for me at all, and it's really not anything I'm doing "wrong" or the "people" I connect with. It's just that certain things aren't meant for people in my case. It sucks, but I'm trying to get "numb" towards it.



rick42
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02 Oct 2018, 2:14 pm

Tirips wrote:
Just read the first post, I'm starting to feel that way for myself as I'm getting older.
It's a bad feeling to realize but I'm coming to terms with it. Starting noticing it over the past year after dealing with a few deaths.

Even though I honestly only have about 4 friends, 1 I know from facebook through a ace group I've known for almost 8 years, the other 3 I've met in person but live in different states.

Relationships / close friendships aren't for me at all, and it's really not anything I'm doing "wrong" or the "people" I connect with. It's just that certain things aren't meant for people in my case. It sucks, but I'm trying to get "numb" towards it.


Yea, it's best to come to terms that friendships/close relationships/romantic relationships are simply impossible for some.I say you're relatively lucky that you have a few friends,even if they live in a different state than you.I can't even get to the point of a friendship with anyone despite of my efforts over the years(until a few months ago when I sopped trying)and accept the fact that no one in real life actually likes me, and realized that friendships or relationships of any kind are simply not for all people.



Substantially_Abstract
Raven
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19 Apr 2019, 4:42 pm

My problem with NTs is that their attention to me is unpredictable and I take loads of time to express myself (so it takes a while to talk and especially write). Sometimes I'm too tired to hang out, sometimes I miss them, but they're not there/don't write.
I think for us to actually like relationships, it would be best to have it all scheduled...