Sociopaths/Narcissists Drawn to Autistic People?

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Well, yeah, I suspect my (soon to be ex-) husband has NPD.

I recently split from him, and I sometimes think things would be easier if I could just write him off as being evil. But he's not. Or not deliberately - he's not the malicious kind. He's more a sort of blindly oblivious wrecking-ball.

There's absolutely no understanding of other people's wants and needs (where they differ from his own), and the constant expectation that everyone should do things the way he thinks is right. Friends are cultivated for their usefulness to him, but become enemies as soon as they dare to contradict him.

I think there's a reason we fall prey to these people. Being with him helped me in some ways - I learnt from him how much society values self-confidence (even misplaced), and how humility can be taken as weakness. Useful life skills for an autistic.


And then I learnt how soul-destroying it is to have the control over one's life gradually eroded away. I learnt to be wary of those who radiate constant dissatisfaction. And in the end I started to get the idea of standing up for myself. Another damn good life skill.

He wants me back. He's sending me presents and flowers and offering to take me out for dinner. He's wooing me like he did 25 years ago. He's being... I dunno... sweet?

I think there's going to be another lesson in here, somewhere, I'm just not quite sure what it is yet.

I have had my fair share of people like this believe me as I have posted a great deal about the ones who hurt me and like the rest of you, I have learned to put my foot down with people like that.

I had a toxic relationship with someone who had NLD where others on the outside looking in felt that she was not a very supportive friend along with also having other issues along with being mean. In fact, she was a very weird friend.
1. She was controlling and didn't want me associating with any of her friends and family where there would always be hearsay from her. She did some really sneaky and mean things to keep friendships from bonding
2. Was very envious of the being of my weight, looks, and intelligence and was scared that this one guy who we both liked would choose me over her. As soon as she met her husband, she liked to dangle him in front of me and do things like rub on his hair with this evil little smile on her face
3. There were several times where she blew me off and everything else was more important
4. She was very manipulative
5. She was destructive
6. She stabbed me in the back
7. She was also very negative
8. She put me down so that I would cry
9. She came to my gatherings but others felt that she didn't show any appreciation. Rather it was an obligation.

At the end of our friendship, she invited me over for Christmas in the middle of going through a period of unemployment. Yet, the signs were clear that she didn't want to be with me being that she started making plans and then bailing or stating that she was "Tired" when we ran into each other one afternoon. The entire time she acted like nothing was wrong and that we were close friends.

Then she rejected me one week later because she didn't "Like it" for calling her out due to showing up at a New Year's gathering with an arrogant attitude via facebook by hinting. Yet, she never bothered to say "I'm sorry." Rather it was "My husband felt out of place."

I can't even imagine. I had a weird friendship with an African lady and her family all of whom were from Kenya or of Kenyan descent. These people (at least the older adults) held onto racist beliefs about many non-blacks particularly Arabs, Jews and East Asians, but gave a pass to white people who weren't Jewish. It was crazy. I tried staying their friend hoping they'd change their ways, but the last straw for me was when I accidentally signed a warrant for this African lady's niece's husband's license to be suspended. I texted her that I didn't think we could be friends anymore because I disgraced their family. However, the full reason why I ended it with all of them had to do with the way they thought about different races and ethnicities. I knew if I married an Asian man, I'd never get their blessings. Knowing them they'd probably insult him in their native language. I can't believe I wasted 6 years of my life on these people. I should've dropped that class we took together too and deleted her number. If only I used my brain back then.

I have had my fair share of people like this believe me as I have posted a great deal about the ones who hurt me and like the rest of you, I have learned to put my foot down with people like that.

I had a toxic relationship with someone who had NLD where others on the outside looking in felt that she was not a very supportive friend along with also having other issues along with being mean. In fact, she was a very weird friend.
1. She was controlling and didn't want me associating with any of her friends and family where there would always be hearsay from her. She did some really sneaky and mean things to keep friendships from bonding
2. Was very envious of the being of my weight, looks, and intelligence and was scared that this one guy who we both liked would choose me over her. As soon as she met her husband, she liked to dangle him in front of me and do things like rub on his hair with this evil little smile on her face
3. There were several times where she blew me off and everything else was more important
4. She was very manipulative
5. She was destructive
6. She stabbed me in the back
7. She was also very negative
8. She put me down so that I would cry
9. She came to my gatherings but others felt that she didn't show any appreciation. Rather it was an obligation.

At the end of our friendship, she invited me over for Christmas in the middle of going through a period of unemployment. Yet, the signs were clear that she didn't want to be with me being that she started making plans and then bailing or stating that she was "Tired" when we ran into each other one afternoon. The entire time she acted like nothing was wrong and that we were close friends.

Then she rejected me one week later because she didn't "Like it" for calling her out due to showing up at a New Year's gathering with an arrogant attitude via facebook by hinting. Yet, she never bothered to say "I'm sorry." Rather it was "My husband felt out of place."

I have encountered a lot of these types of people myself. I try like hell to avoid them when I can. Narcissists and Sociopaths think of us easy to manipulate and take advantage of because we have little to no friends and are often naive about people.

Interesting. I can relate to this as well. I think autistic people are so unsure that they notice bad behavoir way too late then NTs. Thats my simple answer why.
For me for example I have difficulties to notice if someone is rude, avoiding, uninterested or just normal. This constant ambivalence feelings leading other ppl to take advantage because they pick up that "she dont get it, I can be snarky but shes seem ok, i continue".

Its not fair.

I think this is the best and most succinct analysis I've found so far about why narcs and sociopaths target us. I'm going to avoid them like hell from now on, too.

Well, yeah, I suspect my (soon to be ex-) husband has NPD.

I recently split from him, and I sometimes think things would be easier if I could just write him off as being evil. But he's not. Or not deliberately - he's not the malicious kind. He's more a sort of blindly oblivious wrecking-ball.

There's absolutely no understanding of other people's wants and needs (where they differ from his own), and the constant expectation that everyone should do things the way he thinks is right. Friends are cultivated for their usefulness to him, but become enemies as soon as they dare to contradict him.

I think there's a reason we fall prey to these people. Being with him helped me in some ways - I learnt from him how much society values self-confidence (even misplaced), and how humility can be taken as weakness. Useful life skills for an autistic.

And then I learnt how soul-destroying it is to have the control over one's life gradually eroded away. I learnt to be wary of those who radiate constant dissatisfaction. And in the end I started to get the idea of standing up for myself. Another damn good life skill.

He wants me back. He's sending me presents and flowers and offering to take me out for dinner. He's wooing me like he did 25 years ago. He's being... I dunno... sweet?

I think there's going to be another lesson in here, somewhere, I'm just not quite sure what it is yet.

Sociopaths/narcissists, by definition, are drawn to whoever they can take advantage of. So yes, if they see you as a potential victim, they'll exploit you.

They don't mind the reasons why you are weak. If they think they can take anything from you, they'll do it. It doesn't matter to them whether you are tall, short, black, white, neurotypical, textbook autistic, physically challenged or whatever.

This person sounds highly toxic. The one thing I have no tolerance for is people who put me down. I had enough put downs in the first 25 years of my life to last a lifetime. It's a good thing they are out of your life now. She/he sounds very jealous and insecure.

In a situation like that, it's best not to accept those gifts from him because you don't want to give him mixed messages because then you would be leading him on. If he continues not to take "No" for an answer then this is a matter for the authorities