Woman half-hour-to-hour away texts but won't see me

Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

georgewilson
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 109
Location: Dubuque, IA

17 Jul 2018, 8:30 pm

I'm in the same situation again as I was a few months ago. A girl my age or so (she's 28, I'm 29) has given almost every indication on OkCupid of wanting to keep talking to me, e.g. always answering my questions with one back, transitioning to text within a week on her own initiative, adding me on Snapchat (though she almost never posts), etc. Most notably, she spent each night of a weekend last month texting me off and on through the night (I almost never initiate the convos), even admitted she hadn't been on the site much longer than me (few months), texting me goodnight each night, and telling me she hadn't met anyone serious yet but liked talking to me with a smiley face (YESYESYESYES!).

Unlike the last girl, about the same distance away, this girl was the first to bring up meeting when she suggested meeting me around the 4th of July, when she was coming into my town where her grandfather used to live and continues to live in assisted living. She wriggled out of that, said she had other plans and would be busy a lot over the summer. Ultimately, she said yes a week ago to seeing me this past Saturday after an "appointment," pushing from my suggested 12:30 to 1. However, she moved it to Sunday on the Thursday before claiming the appointment was extended or moved, then texted me the morning of Saturday to tell me she had to cancel altogether for Sunday without any such explanation. I didn't respond until Sunday morning, just to explain I was still dealing with a stubborn cold or laryngitis I'd told her about so it worked out fine anyway, and she texted me back in the afternoon and we had our usual exchange again. The texts are becoming less common, though, and I feel once again a bit powerless to take any control over the exchange. My suggestion for this past weekend was the town I thought was about halfway between us, but her town is actually closer than I thought, so I might suggest hers or seeing me when she sees her Grandpa.

She did share with me her grandmother's passing a few months ago last night, so I still feel she's more open than someone totally disinterested, but am aware I could just be an emotional dumping ground and/or manipulated with no real attraction to speak of. Before the usual suspects complain about my overthinking it, I AM contacting other people on the site, but I can't afford multiple subscriptions right now, get little to no response from women in town so I almost never am juggling multiples there, and socialization is moving so slowly in person I despair of dating anyone within the next year that I meet in real life rather than on OKC or some other site (Zoosk women have sent more messages, so maybe that's a start). I'd love to be driven and turn my life around to be a genuinely attractive guy IRL, but I don't want to wait years or a decade to turn into that and find my youth gone. I'm having fun with my hobbies, but also realize they may hold me back from using my time correctly. It's so hard getting real proof I'm moving in the right direction, even though I'm trying real hard with volunteering for elections, meetups, and the like. Getting sick and the 4th of July holiday, the school seasons ending chaos, has kind of snagged me I fear. I'm also trying nofap, for what it's worth, though I have trouble sticking to it and tend to lapse when I feel all is lost with a girl.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,046
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont

18 Jul 2018, 2:04 am

it's possible that she may of canceled plans because she's nervous but it's also possible that she's a catfish cuz her behavior seems to fit the profile for that. Canceling plans that she made & then talking about a family death is very common stuff on the show.


_________________
But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,947
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

18 Jul 2018, 8:05 am

*cough*CATFISH*cough*



georgewilson
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 109
Location: Dubuque, IA

18 Jul 2018, 10:23 am

She's back in touch again last night and this morning. She hasn't been back on OKCupid since around when we first started texting heavily. She doesn't come from a town to the south of me where all the bots/catfishers (I know their non-profiles and hot pics when I see them) on the site claim to hail from, and she's pleasingly plump with a plain but warm face, cuddly to me but probably not what most catfishers would choose for a stolen profile pic. I'm pretty sure she's real, and found her Facebook profile (haven't requested or messaged or anything, don't want to freak her out like one of the last girls) to prove it. In any event, advice about what a real woman doing this is thinking would be helpful. The nervousness I've heard is a thing, but it would help to know how to break through. I've heard calling her, unheard of in my generation, may work, but not sure my voice sounds the best with a persistent throat congestion.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,947
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

18 Jul 2018, 11:28 am

I understand what you’re saying. But catfish don’t really have a “profile.” The point is she’s “out there,” not interested in meeting, but stringing you along, anyway.

If she won’t translate this whatever-it-is into meatspace, then she’s not real.

Catfish, man.

I know a thing or two about catfish. They are a bottom-feeding fish and prefer hiding in holes. And definitely NOT kosher for Passover, if that means anything to you. I’m the #1 numbers game guy in these forums and have no qualms giving pretty much anything female a chance. But if you want to avoid catfish, I recommend not setting your hook quite so deep.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,110
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Jul 2018, 4:31 am

So catfish or not?



georgewilson
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 109
Location: Dubuque, IA

21 Jul 2018, 7:12 am

Not catfish. Again, really exists w/ Facebook profile matching and everything. Anyway, a different woman, this time actually in town, liked me on the site so I'm communicating at the same time with her. Single mother, 2 years younger, complimented my appearance at first comment ironically but actually answered my question unlike the bots. Proceeding cautiously as always. Life is good.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,947
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

21 Jul 2018, 8:44 am

georgewilson wrote:
Not catfish. Again, really exists w/ Facebook profile matching and everything. Anyway, a different woman, this time actually in town, liked me on the site so I'm communicating at the same time with her. Single mother, 2 years younger, complimented my appearance at first comment ironically but actually answered my question unlike the bots. Proceeding cautiously as always. Life is good.

I personally wouldn’t go for a single mom, but to each his own.

Look, if it looks, smells, and feels slimy like a catfish, it’s a catfish. That’s all I have to say about that. I don’t care what website it is, the supposed physical location, how ugly she is, or whether bots are involved. If she refuses to meet you, she’s fakity fake fake fake.

Kudos on keeping your options open. That’s important. Good luck moving forward.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,110
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Jul 2018, 2:12 pm

You should realize that pretty women receive like 500 messages per day on these websites, and most women there fall in the infinite options trap till perhaps getting too old.

One day they may be interested in you, one hour later they find someone hotter than you, and then someone hotter than the one hotter than you and so on and so on.....and so on...and so ....∞



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,856
Location: Stendec

21 Jul 2018, 2:20 pm

Image


_________________
 
“I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the
purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”

— Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek
episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


SilverStar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,079
Location: Ohio, USA

22 Jul 2018, 2:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You should realize that pretty women receive like 500 messages per day on these websites, and most women there fall in the infinite options trap till perhaps getting too old.

One day they may be interested in you, one hour later they find someone hotter than you, and then someone hotter than the one hotter than you and so on and so on.....and so on...and so ....∞


I agree. It's a woman's market for online dating. The girl may legitimately have family issues, but it seems more likely that she's just stringing him along, or using him as a back-up plan. If a woman is really interested, and really wants to meet with you, they will find a way to do so, no matter what kind of issues they have, not keep changing plans, and giving excuses.



ExceladonCity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 797
Location: Louisville, KY

23 Jul 2018, 10:20 pm

If you have to work that hard to get some casual face-to-face interaction, then it's not worth the trouble