I experience a strange emotion that no other human being has

Post Reply New Topic

...or at least, that's what I'm lead to believe, based on experience. Nobody else has ever shared a description of a feeling even remotely similar to it, and all my years of reading on psychology and studying the machinations of the human mind I've never come across anything similar. I'll describe it to you shortly; I'm sharing in the hopes that others, in affirming they may also feel it, can help me discover what it is and what precisely causes it. The experience called "ASMR" for instance began as speculation on the part of individuals about a bizarre feeling they presumed themselves alone in experiencing, but were proven wrong: They formed a Facebook group dedicated to exploring the "unknown emotion", christened it ASMR, and from that single initiative, today there's been spawned an entire niche dedicated thereunto, so millions now are cognizant of its existence and flock to appreciate it. I hope in posting this here I might likewise accrue responses or affirmations by others that I'm not alone in experiencing this... thing. It truly is bizarre and fantastic. Obviously describing a state of mind is no small task if others haven't ever perceived it. So I apologize if my response is prolonged and rambling, but you're bound to be intrigued and, if you read it through and through, you deserve a slice of the loveliest velvet cake (because a cookie is hardly sufficient).



Sometimes when I'm observing a 3 dimensional space from within, particularly spaces like buildings, rooms, houses, and etc. I enter a trance like state where I begin to perceive the space I'm looking at/in has suddenly morphed into a radically different version from what it was before; not the familiar space was just in, rather a completely new rendition of the original layout. I pay close attention to the perceived design’s position in 3 dimensional space in proportion to other elements occupying the same plane. The design aspects of the space I’m looking at from within (which again, is usually a room or a building) I perceive as having suddenly conformed to a new, surreal sort of layout or pattern that I can't normally perceive nor comprehend. The objects therein don’t morph in size or shape such as with other disorders of perception, nor in color or physical appearance, but rather I perceive new patters and designs related to the objects’ positions in the space that triggers feelings of immense pleasure, and a sense of being able to detect that something about the walls, room, hallways, building etc. is just perfect which somehow I didn’t notice before. This doesn’t just affect the perception of certain objects, but of the entire matrix (room, building, hallway, etc.) wherein they’re present. The way it all flows together, the way the objects conform to the new layout, the way the boundaries, halls, and walls have now taken on a new, ephemeral form of sheer perfection. Perfection is simply the most appropriate word to describe the way I perceive the new layout.

At the realization of this perfection, which I can only describe as an epiphany, I’m immediately overwhelmed with an odd, surreal state of mind when making these connections to the space around me, as if the design's essence reminds me of some sort of archetype of space that I find to be the apotheosis of pleasure, and perfect design, and an overflow of euphoria stemming from nostalgia as well as somewhat of a tingling feeling follow. The pleasure I feel isn’t merely the nostalgia one feels when stumbling upon an area they haven't seen in so long, like coming back to your childhood dwelling - nor is it the sense of satisfaction you get in watching something "oddly satisfying" fall neatly into place - the euphoria is so immense that the feeling is staunchly different from any emotion one might experience in their day to day life. It's dream like, and skews my perception of time. I'm beyond delighted by the discovery - and it's as though the new, perfect version of what I'm perceiving was always known to me, and I've just rediscovered it for a short time. It's truly breathtaking in its conception, I wish you could feel it as well.

In short, I notice that something fundamentally has changed about the space I’m in (not brought about by external influences, but rather my perception has changed). Something I somehow was never conscious of before, about how it flows together magnificently and fits so perfectly in harmony with everything around it. And this realization is coupled with a surreal or dream like mental state and feelings of sheer awe and pleasure, such that can’t be mustered in one’s daily conduct. The perception and the feeling that follows don't proceed each other; they both manifest simultaneously.

By my estimation the experience never exceeds a few minutes in length. When it's over, I "snap out of it" and lose the ability to perceive the same things or see the same “patters” in design around me that characterized my original euphoric, dream like state. No matter how hard I try to see the same aspects I’d seen before… I can no longer do so. It's impossible for me to conjure up a mental image of what precisely I'd seen. I can remember enough detail about the perception to make the above descriptions with a certain aura of confidence, but can never exactly pin-point what it is I saw or perceived that was so amazing. The connections I made that characterized the "Eureka!" moment are suddenly unknown to me. For whatever reason, try as I may, I can never instigate the feeling twice or see the same things I perceived no matter how hard I pay attention to that space again.

This experience happens very rarely. The last time I can recall it happening was two years ago where two particular instances happened within weeks of each other. The first was on a website I use to check my emails (which is very rare, it's almost always pertaining to architecture), and the other was as I sat in my bedroom. There are also instances spread unevenly throughout my childhood. Some of my earliest memories are of this emotion. In the first case I mentioned, the website looked radically different for a moment and I paid particular attention to its position in 3d space and how it related in terms of aspect to other elements of the same space (in this case the other tabs). The feeling was brought on by observing how they all fell together so perfectly (a feeling which now, as I'm typing, is totally unfeelable) and from nostalgia (“Ah-Ha! This is familiar!”) and I concluded in my dream like luster that the website must be perfect and was overflowing with joy, as I observed certain aspects of which that somehow I can’t notice when not under the influence of this emotion, and after snapping out of it was unable to see what it was that made it so perfect no matter how hard I tried.

I’m not exactly sure what instigates this experience. Examining all previous episodes I can find alike only deep rumination on nothing in particular proceeding the event. The dream like state I’m in during these events is characterized by an inability to process time correctly or recall certain crucial pieces of information. In this wise it’s like a waking dream. But when it happens, I’m never asleep nor on the verge of sleep: I know this by piecing together chronological events which occurred before and after the event and deducing it must have occurred during such and such a time when I was awake (and recalling specific instances from within that state). Indeed it's happened to me in public, even while sitting at my desk and browsing the internet! I don't do drugs, or have an prior history of things like psychosis or manic episodes which would explain the feeling. I have depersonalized in the past, but that's a staunchly different feeling from what I've described, and I don't perceive the two as sharing any similarities.




That's my description. It's profoundly surreal, and enigmatic, isn't it? I wish for the life of me during these states - above all else I could freeze time and pull something from that set of perceptions into my day-to-day life (because it's like a dream) or could make others, and my future self cognizant of what I was seeing and why it was so wonderful. I hope I'm not alone in feeling so and I must ask you thus: Can you relate? Have any of you ever felt what I’m describing? Do you have any idea what it is that it might be? I’d would appreciate your feedback, even if it was as simple “Yes, I’ve felt the same way! I thought I was the only one” that I might receive assurance I’m not alone. Often when we read a description of an emotion or what not we try our best to emphasize by connecting various unrelated memories into one “picture” which we attempt to compare with the canvas painted by the describer, in order to try and emphasize therewith. So ask yourself, “Is this description completely fitting of events or experiences I’ve had in my life? Have I really felt like this before?” Thank you in advance for your feedback!

I'm disappointed this thread hasn't received a single reply, not even a firm denial or indication that anybody read or was intrigued thereby. I'll reply to give it another chance at the top for a little, in the event it was glossed over.

Have you ever tried classical yoga/meditation texts? Keywords: ananda, siddhi, samadhi