aspergers boyfriend and communication

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We have been on and off for five years now. He always had a thing about just touching things like my hair or my arm or if he wasnt doing that he would fidget with something. He excelled in school. Got 100% on a test only 4 ppl in the whole school got. He has aspergers and doesnt understand when I get upset about something and doesnt understand things like religion and marriage. I really wamt this to work out but he just doesnt understand my whole need to get married and quite often we fight bcs he doesn't understand why im mad. How would you suggest that I explain my feelings on this so that he would understand?

My boyfriend has aspergers and he does little to ask about me. The conversation is usually one sided and when we have a fight about what I want he claims I don't take interest in him. He doesnt understand when I get mad and my needs are put on the wayside p. What should I do?

Don't expect to him to be something he isn't. That doesn't mean your issues are hopeless, but it does mean that you have to understand you need to handle this relationship differently than you have handled other relationships, and you need to manage your own expectations.

He isn't likely to ever ask about you unless prompted. That does not mean he is not interested in knowing you. If you want him to know things, you open the conversation. If you want him to remember dates that are special to you or what your favorite color is, write it down for him. Or program it into his electronic calendar. Realize that his idea of what is important as well as his ability to act with social reciprocity is different than yours, and adjust accordingly.

You have to express your needs and make sure they are met. No hints, no assuming. ASK and remind. Nicely.

If my son remembers my birthday or Mother's Day it is because his dad or someone reminded him. I know that about my son. He probably will never remember these things on his own. And that, I've come to realize, is OK. I have a son who cares about me in ways that really matter, and is willing to do things with his parents that most young men his age aren't. He is who he is, and I accept and love him as he is.

As for his girlfriends ... well, the ASD has already gotten in the way of his first love, and I wish I could have prevented the heartbreak to both of them, but young adults don't typically like mom's to get involved . I think anyone who ends up with him will be lucky in many, many ways ... but I also know some things will be rough for her and take a good amount of adapting. That part will be difficult, and there simply is no way around it. People are who they are and need what they need, and we can only hope everyone finds the person with whom all that matches up best.

If you know other people in his life I think it might be helpful to ask them for advice. My daughter could easily have explained some things my son's ex took wrong. Or I could have. But maybe that kind of conversation is just too awkward for most people, so it will have to be trial and error? Sigh. It is difficult for me to watch. I want my son happy. I would really root for a girlfriend willing to come to us for help understanding my son's quirks, although I'm not totally sure how he would feel about it (I guess I would advise her to ask him first).

The following are the positive attributes of an Aspie:
* They are usually loyal and dependable. Competing to get ahead is less important than solving problems and meeting challenges. Conscientiousness, faithfulness and devotion to duty matter more than ambition, especially if that ambition would cause others to suffer.
* Adults with Aspergers pursue ideas they believe in without being deterred by what others say. They are not easily swayed by others’ opinions, nor do they give up because someone tries to convince them otherwise.
* They are good at recognizing patterns and in classifying things. They are comfortable with order, precision and categorization, which make them successful in following rules, allocating resources and solving problems.
* They tend to be sincere, positive and genuine, which make them loyal and dependable friends.
* Speaking their minds regardless of the social context is true of many adults with Aspergers. They are much more interested in someone’s skills and expertise than whether that person is viewed favorably by others.
* Adults with Aspergers are especially good at noting and recalling details. They are helpful at work that requires knowledge of facts, details, and memory. They are often exceptional at the recall of details forgotten or disregarded by others. They have a passion for gathering and cataloging information on a topic of interest.
* An acute sensitivity to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, including touch, vision, and smell is common and having such unusual sensory experiences gives them a different perspective on the world.
* Adults with Aspergers tend to be trusting of others, even charmingly naïve. They are compassionate and caring, and many maintain the belief in the possibility of positive relationships.
* They are often direct, speak their mind and are honest. Many have a strong sense of social justice.
* Because they don’t mind being alone, they are often willing to engage in solitary work that others avoid, which puts them in the position of making tremendous contributions at work and school.
* They are able to comprehend multiple levels of meanings of words and ideas and can form connections that others miss.
* They are persistent, and when they set their minds to something or make a promise they can usually be trusted to follow through.
* A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
* They are not inclined to be bullies, con artists or social manipulators.
* “Most of the major advances in science and the arts have been made by people with Asperger’s”

Thanks you guys this was somewhat helpful.

Let's be honest here, nowadays not understanding why you'd want to get married isn't really something necessarily related to one's autism.

My boyfriend has aspergers and he does little to ask about me. The conversation is usually one sided and when we have a fight about what I want he claims I don't take interest in him. He doesnt understand when I get mad and my needs are put on the wayside. What should I do?

Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed because I cant really talk to his mom because she works all the time and my family wouldn't understand the whole autism thing so I basically can't talk with anyone. Its just a lot to handle