Is it easy for NTs to make friends?
Are their any NTs or people who have gotten insight into NTs if it is really easy for NTs to make friends once they put their mind to it? Now I know not everyone is destined to be friends but I am talking about given the normal sized group if it easy for them to make at least a few friends if they want to. For me, I can pick up a few aquaintences and keep things civil but there is no depth or it's just one sided with me doing the giving and them the taking or it develops then I eventually freak them out. I know, it's sad (I've found that accepting the situation is better than feeling ashamed all the time) but I'm genuinely curious.
People in general tend to form friendships. To many it comes quite naturally. For those with autism it is often difficult to form friendships. I think when someone with autism wants to make friends, they probably shouldn't look at other people as being "NTs" as if they were dealing with some different species. But rather look at themselves as someone with a neurological condition that inhibits them, and try finding ways through or around it.
That's true that they have problems. It's just that their problems are more in the locus of their control. That working through these problems will make them better people for it. For me, perhaps accepting I'm locked out of the friendships other people take for granted or that are a real possibility for them is the better route.
Easy enough that some, if not most, need to take deliberate measures to avoid making too many friends.
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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
Being an NT or not what matters is how you feel especially whether the situation makes you anxious or not, getting experience, and remembering that if you think you’re the only person who feels like an alien you could ask yourself “how would you know, there are billions of people in this world”
I think feelings are beside the point. I would feel anxious all day long if I knew I would get friends out of it, either through experience leading to knowledge or just a better command of my emotions. I think that is tru for a lot of NTs. What I am talking about here is possibly an inability to form a social bond. If you knew this, you could stop wasting time and start just making yourself into a good and giving person. Otherwise, you might just waste your life trying to get something that you will not be successful at. Its analogous to a eunuch trying to find a wife and finding no one wanting to date you because you are unable to have sex. Instead you could say there are bigger things than marriage in life and devote yourself to becoming a loving human and making a difference in the lives of those closest to you. Then at least someone can win in the deal, knowing that chances are without that social bond, it likely won't be returned but maybe it could inspire them and in a holistic way it might make the world less terrible.
I think it depends on the person and situation. Even some NTs are more introverted. Also it depends on how well one fits in to a particular environment. But overall it seems like NTs are more wired to make friends with than aspies since it seems like a priority to them while secondary to us. I was always more focused on the task at hand (school, work, etc.) and if I happened to make a friend, then great, but i’m Not naturally wired to look for them. Maybe some of you can also relate to this?
I'm rather quiet so that often goes against me. Also I don't ask many questions during a conversation, I just reply with "oh" a lot. I think not asking questions makes people think you're not that interested. But I worry about asking questions in case people think I'm nosy or intrusive.
Also I can't always think of what to say in a group. For example today at work a few of my colleagues were standing in the yard having a quick chat as they were passing inbetween tasks, and so I joined them on my way to the sink to wash my hands. They were laughing at a joke and I heard the joke so I laughed too. I felt like this was a cue to say something, like add something to the joke, but I couldn't think of anything, so I stood there awkwardly and I went on my way to wash my hands (they scattered off after anyway because they had work to do).
So it's not like I'm socially clueless or socially disconnected, it's just that I am socially awkward at times. Despite my social awkwardness, I am an easy person to get on with, thank God. I don't like arguments or trouble, I can co-operate, I can get jokes, my ears are always open (meaning I'm not in my own world), I make eye contact, I'm polite and friendly, and I am understanding and trusting. If somebody tells me a secret, I know they want to keep it a secret even though they haven't said to keep it quiet, but I keep it quiet anyway because I could tell they wanted me to. So that earns me people's trust. I do like gossip but I don't start gossip. I just like to hear it. But if people are badmouthing somebody, I wouldn't tell that person.
The social skills I do have I'm grateful for. I believe I have rather good social skills for an Aspie, and the social skills I have trouble with don't interfere too much with my daily life.
The only social skills that would affect my daily life are interaction with the public or being in any position of authority (like working with children). I had experience in both of these job types before and I just clammed up. It's best I stay in a job where I don't have to serve the public or be in authority. My social skills with colleagues are much better than my social skills with the public.
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