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Nancy66
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Joined: 22 May 2018
Age: 52
Gender: Female
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12 Aug 2018, 5:26 pm

I am a 51 year old woman who has recently been formally diagnosed with ASD. I suspected that both myself and my (then) husband were on the spectrum back in 2011, but my daughter and his mother scoffed at the idea, so I never brought it up again. Almost two years after that, he sat me down one evening and told me all the things wrong with me and that he wants a divorce. Ironically, they were almost all autistic things (anxiety, my interests, focusing on a specific thing, not dressing up to go to the grocery store, etc.). He wasn’t interested in counseling, so the marriage ended (I kicked him out and filed for divorce). When I was married, I was totally fine with being autistic. But now that I am single, I am really struggling with my diagnosis.

My divorce was really heartbreaking for me because after being rejected by my first (NT) husband and then being super lonely for six years, I thought I finally found the right guy. When he rejected me for just being myself after almost 9 years together, I was devastated. I didn’t see it while I was married, but he was very controlling and manipulative and emotionally abusive too. I’ve been trying for 5 ½ years to recover, and in that time, both of my parents died and one of my two siblings was put into a nursing home. I was bullied at work by my boss, so I changed jobs a couple of times. And now the autism diagnosis. While the autism label explains just about everything in my life, and I’ve been doing a lot of reading about it trying to make sense this diagnosis, I’m super lonely and confused and not sure where to turn.

I’ve been seeing a therapist, but she doesn’t understand autism. It seems most of the “help” out there is for children. I’ve also observed that the most successful aspies seem to have or had supportive parents. My parents were not supportive of me at all and caused me a lot of trauma (which is why I’m in therapy).

My only saving grace is that my grown daughter has realized that she is also on the spectrum, and we talk about it sometimes, but she is planning on moving out of the country early next year. I have one (NT) sister whom I talk to, but she is in another state and time zone and doesn’t understand what I’m going through. No real friends and no family nearby, so I am terrified of being completely alone. I go to a few Meetup groups, but I’m usually exhausted when I come home from work and need the weekend to recover. And it’s super hard for me to make friends. Any suggestions?



AnonymousAnonymous
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12 Aug 2018, 5:57 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :D


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LoneLoyalWolf
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12 Aug 2018, 6:19 pm

Welcome Nancy66!

You had a rough life Milady. My advice is to try and find a therapist who has knowledge about autism. Try calling your health insurance company and asking what is possible and what the options are. They are often nice enough to help (if you are nice to them of course).

Regarding friends, that is a tough one. Try talking about yourself on the forum here, about your interests, put a message in the friendship thread maybe, and maybe someone will contact you (or you can contact others).

In real life, it's hard finding people who have autism or who have respect for it. I'm sorry, don't have any tips for you regarding that.

Wish you much luck in finding recognition and friends.

Enjoy the forum!


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BeaArthur
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12 Aug 2018, 7:44 pm

If you live in a sizable population center, try googling Adult Autism Support Group and the name of your city or county. I'm a big believer in support groups. You will often learn specific information that isn't possible to find online, such as a therapist who is experienced with autism.


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Nancy66
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Joined: 22 May 2018
Age: 52
Gender: Female
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12 Aug 2018, 10:34 pm

Thank you all for the nice welcome and suggestions. I did reach out to my insurance company and now have several names of therapists. I'll be calling them tomorrow.

I have had trouble finding support groups in my area for older high-functioning adults on the spectrum, but maybe one of the therapists will know where I can find one.

Thanks again.