Why is there so much sex in the gay world

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Because gays lack sex catastrophically, it is very difficult to find a partner

I mean, you said that, but also said you've slept with 502 guys, so I assumed that you were being sarcastic. Anyone who's slept with over 500 people isn't what I'd call picky.

Who are you to decide how other people should build their relationships?

Females have a major emotional component to sexual attraction. For males it's mostly physical. Gay guys aren't sizing each other up to see if they're a good provider or father figure for children etc. Sexual compatibility is about physical attraction and gratification. If sex is important to them as a couple, and it is to the vast majority of gay guys, then they're going to want to ensure they're very compatible - and even then, strictly monogamous relationships are not the norm in the gay community, anyways. Nor are long term relationships for that matter - although, with societal acceptance growing, there's more dating/relationships than ever I'm sure - especially amongst ever younger gay guys vs. almost exclusively secretive hookups.

But anyways, my point is, you can't take some cookie cutter template of a heteronormative relationship and apply it to a gay couple and then suggest they're doing it wrong. That's not how things work. Things simply work differently.

5 girls 585 boys now. Would be more but covid kinda slowed things down the last couple years.

Doesn't mean I'm not picky and don't have a type. If I wasn't picky and didn't have a type I could be up in the range of some of the gay guys I know, like 2-4k.

It's WAY more common in the gay community for someone to have a lot of partners if they choose to.

I can’t believe you know the exact amount of people you’ve slept with. Excellent keeping track!

I lost count at 30. It’s in the low 30s.

I can’t conceive of being in bed with another guy. I wouldn’t be horny if I’m in bed with a guy—I would run for the hills!

Not even masculine looking and acting woman….though if a masculine-looking woman acts feminine, that’s another story.

It’s not difficult to keep track of one number and then add 1 (and once in a blue moon, 2) to it.. rinse and repeat. Pretty simple math and really not that impressive, IMO.

I worked with a straight guy who kept a spreadsheet list for bragging rights. I know a gay/bi/poly guy that keeps a spreadsheet with contact info just in case he ever contracts and sti and has to notify recent partners.

I find it very easy to just remember a number and keep a tally.

I have a theory of my own. Western society has historically condemned homosexuality, so the only way gay men could meet up was through quick hook-ups. Over time, that became ingrained in our culture, which started underground.

Not a new theory. There are articles written about how the sneaky clandestine nature of gay hookups should be preserved as a part of the fun of it all even if gay relationships are ever more accepted by society in general.

So, yeah, that’s a part of it.

To those looking for relationships, I would suggest a friendship-first approach. To that end I would suggest joining gay (or LGBT) groups rather than using dating apps or going to bars.

LGBTQ+ groups in which one can potentially make friends include, among others:

- political activist groups, including LGBTQ+ rights groups
- professional and business associations (e.g. the NEA LGVTQ+ Caucus, the National Gay/Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, and various organizations listed here that are devoted to specific professions/occupations.
- Hobby-oriented groups, e.g. the Seattle LGBT SciFi/Fantasy Movie Club
- Support groups of various kinds, including addiction recovery groups as well as groups dealing with LGBT-specific issues such as coming out.

The larger metropolitan areas each have an LGBTQ+ Community Center or something similar, where lots of different kinds of groups meet. See, for example, the calendar page for New York's LGBT Community Center, which also provides various services including employment resources.

Not all. You yourself, I and others are proof that it’s not all.
You are absolutely right in that hook-up culture, open-relationships and polyamory as well as fast pace superficial, shallow relationships are virulent within the gay community but it also is like that in the broader LGBT community as a whole.

I certainly understand where you’re coming from and I know your frustration. In the end I don’t have to engage in that type of culture though and I don’t surround myself with people who’s only interest and subject to talk about is sex and hook-ups and the looks of other people as they bore the living hell out of me almost as soon as they open their mouths.

It just takes a lot of time to separate the wheat from the chaff no matter where you go, even if you seek out social and meet-up groups in the community unfortunately. However hook-up apps like grindr and such are exactly where not to look if you want to find people who aren't shallow and interested in serious relationships.

No, actually!

The mere idea seems utterly pointless and like a massive waste of my time to me. Time which could be spend a lot more worthwhile and interestingly!

I don’t see the point in hook-ups. I don’t see the appeal in having sex with a random stranger. I don’t even like strangers or distant acquaintances to be touchy feely in a platonic manner much less would I want to touch or be touched by a stranger in a more intimate fashion. That would even have the potential to repulse me!

Sex isn’t that important to me to begin with. I have different prioritise in a relationship and my life and I have a lot of different interests and hobbies which I much prefer over sex.

Not every guy wants all the sex in the world even if he could get it and that’s perfectly fine.
There are even some who don’t want any sex at all (about 1% of the population are asexual after all) and that’s cool too.







That kind of reminds me of this:




Although the number is way smaller. And there I already found it comically high when I watched the series back then



Now those numbers just sound outright crazy and unhealthy to me! Do those guys do anything else in their lives?

If you think about my numbers over time it’s really an average of a bit less than 3 per month since being sexually active in the gay hookup scene - and I’ve been single forever, just had some fwb’s. Whereas couples have sex ~twice a week. So, have I had more sex? Maybe maybe not - depends which couple I’m comparing to. (My guess is probably, though.) Has it been a constant 3/month? No; there were 7 over a long Pride weekend once. More partners? For sure. IMO variety is the spice of life and the opportunity to have so many smokin’ hot pornstar level encounters has been an absolute blessing and so far I wouldn’t trade it for a typical sex life.

As for the 4 guys I know if that have had 2-4K partners.. one is a gay party promoter and hosts wild parties with back rooms for hookups, another was pseudo-married and after “divorce,” went wild in the group sex scene, another was a coworker who travels a lot and does group things at music festivals, and the other was a guy that travels the world to do hair styling for models and ends up hooking up at every opportunity. The first two are younger than me, the other two several years older than me.

I know a hetero guy that was at 212 women 20 years ago. Probably more now.

Some people would rather F and orgasm than play tiddlywinks or whatever. To each their own.

That number of three times per month isn’t high of course.
However the fact remains that compared to the 8 to 10 (I think it was)different sexual partners the average person has in their lifetime 590 and counting is a comically high number of different sexual partners to have had in my perception.

I also have a really different opinion on relationships as well as views of and prioritise in life obviously.

I do agree with this sentiment though:

I'd rather play tiddlywinks than be with someone whom I don't really dig.

Oh, me too. I have to really be physically into them to be physically into them. I’m ever pickier with age, experience, and wisdom. Covid has also compounded that, too, somewhat. Even though I’m a bit soft vs very lean rn, I’m still Extremely picky - if I’m not Really Into It, nah forget it I’m gonna stay home and read or whatever.

Yeah I get the feeling looking at a lot of these posts that people don't understand that we don't all live in San Francisco, I'm not really into "hooking up" but I spent the first 18 years of my life not being allowed to have sex, and spending the next few having to be discreet about it, you can understand how that could leave a young man a bit frustrated.