Autistic Shutdowns Mystery to NTs

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The NT doesn't quite understand why us autistics even with jobs we like can still shutdown sometimes at days end. NTs are trying to be helpful but still don't quite see why I feel as I do. Thankful though for the NTs that are wanting to learn.

Do you ever get ridiculed for this? I do. Barely escaped company picnic today, and feel like I'm going into full shutdown now.

My shut-downs have been mistaken for moping sadness and seething anger. Rarely have they ever been interpreted as "I'm emotionally drained and feeling nothing; leave me alone."

I don't think I've ever had autistic shut-down before.

Two main ways others have interpreted my shutdowns or near shutdowns

1. I am right and you are clueless because you have no answer.

2. You are deliberately ignoring me.

People aren't sure what to think.....I hold it together all day at work.....barely some days.

This reminds me of a coworker that was on the spectrum a while back. He went through a shutdown a few months ago. He ended up heading out the back door, passing in front of everyone. While my other coworkers where confused as to what was happening I, being on the spectrum myself recognized what was going on and had to explain what an Autistic shutdown was to them all.

I've been lucky not to have a shutdown at work yet myself, but the lack of knowledge about a shutdown scares me honestly. What if there wasn't someone there to help him? What if I go through a shutdown at work or in public and nobody realizes what is going on?

We need more awareness about what shutdowns/meltdowns are and how to deal with them if you ask me.

I recognise pretty much all of the misinterpretations given so far; also...

- Had or having a stroke (I've been told this on two separate occasions.)
- Learning disability (I can become temporarily illiterate, innumerate and/or aphasic, so not miles off.)
- 'Petit mal' epileptic seizure (the reaction was helpful; they'd been taught how to assist an epileptic colleague.)
- Medication side-effects or withdrawal.
- High on drugs (I get accused of that even when I'm not shut-down!)
- Very, very drunk (see below.)

Those aren't just other people's misconceptions. I spent over forty years undiagnosed and had no idea what the real explanation was; so I believed, or at least worried about, a lot of the misconceptions on this thread. I also allowed other people to believe some of them rather than be forced to explain, because I had no better answer - even to the point of a reputation for getting black-out drunk. I won't pretend I've never done that, but many's the time I got bundled home because of a sensory shut-down, and just allowed people to assume that I had overdone the booze (I don't recommend this policy - or getting black-out drunk! )

We should be thankful for small mercies, I suppose; no-one has mentioned onlookers panicking about demonic possession. (Yet.)

... and I've said it before, and will undoubtedly say it again...

explain to me please, someone, anyone, why *we* are the ones who supposedly have a deficient "theory of mind"!

I do not mean to bash or instigate, but that absolutely floors me.

I will say that it is not only Aspie meltdowns that prompt these failures. I have migraine and had, when young, an extremely painful - excruciating - overactive gut, no more need be said; and the absolute inability of people around me to recognize that I was in pain, that I was desperate to leave, when either of these conditions were acting up? Horrifying. Then they'd be offended if I interrupted their monologue to explain my need so I could excuse myself and get away.

I quickly learned that this was what would always happen. That I had to plan on it. So it isn't just Asperger's shutdowns that don't compute. There is a total failure of - I guess - empathy. Inability to even look closely enough at the other person to realize that something is off, and that it could be serious.

Unfortunately, society seems to think anything "awkward" is verboten.

^ I can remember the exact moment I realized that most "normal" people are moral cowards. Same conclusion, different aspect.

Sorry to sound so dour, but it's a dour situation.

I don't think you're dour, just realistic. Reminds me of Shakespeare's Timon of Athens, when he realizes that, yes, most people will exploit you, but there are still some good people. And if you weren't being "dour" then what? Constantly give people the benefit out of the doubt and suffer unnecessarily? It often feels like we live in a world where people want you to think you're wrong if you're not constantly flattering them. And I do think most people don't really like equality or individuality as much as they think they do, because those values require acceptance of ugliness over prettiness, and thorough self-examination.

Derailing into serious territory now

NTs don't understand how much energy it takes for an autistic person like myself to get through the work day. I have low energy levels as it is because of my mood disorder. What little energy I do have is completely gone by the time I get home from work and I just want to snuggle up with my cats and relax by myself for a little bit. I work in an after school program and dealing with the kids and the adults is very exhausting. I can't handle a full time job working with kids. I do better when I can work by myself without having to make meaningless conversation with people that couldn't care less about me and dealing with kids who have no volume control or concept of personal space.

I've been told that I'm "stone walling". It's a bit of a catch 22 situation. I'm not able to discuss emotional issues for very long, I get very tired and even start falling asleep after 5 or 10 minutes. Being confronted for stone walling isn't very helpful at that point.
At work I can usually hold things together as long as there isn't a radio on. It's better being self employed.

@HighLlama: I'm not retrieving the name, but you'll probably know who said "people cannot bear very much reality." For a lot of Aspies, it seems that we don't have the option to look away from it. This seems to be held against us fairly often (as if we only do it to annoy because we know it teases?)

@ladyelaine: true, the understanding isn't there, and I found that a distressing number of non-autistic folks (who may have been ND in other ways; I can't rule that out) somehow took it *personally* when I hit my limit and had to take down time. As if I was doing it *at* them. Suspect this is a common experience. (The one group who reliably understood my collapsing, no surprise, was people with Crohn's, god bless them. Because they had more draining struggles than I ever did.) To be fair, that business of taking other people's limitations as if they were insults aimed at one - seems to interfere in NT relationships pretty severely too.

@domineekee: holy cr@p, I used to do that. When I was younger, severely distressing events would literally knock me out. When a loving feral cat we were trying to tame enough to bring inside was attacked by something, and badly injured, and we had to take him to the vet to be put down, both my father and I spent the next week either sleeping (both of us) holding back tears (him) or crying (me). I was eleven, he was 43. Mom and sis thought we were nuts. Yes, we were the Aspies in the family.

These days I go all "shocky". I function, but am almost dissociated. And I don't function well, and I lose the ability to judge that. I'd rather just fall asleep, like you do; it's a lot safer.

Stonewalling! You get accused of stonewalling! Where's a hair-tearing headdesk emoji when you need one?

I think this explains a lot. What do you all think?

http://archive.boston.com/bostonglobe/i ... onformity/