Page 2 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Magna
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,833

23 Aug 2018, 12:09 pm

I'm sorry for your experience and I hope things turn around for you. You do seem to have a case of self fulfilling prophesy with the attitude of something like: 'Watch, I'll be proven right about this because people always discriminate against me..'.

I worked a temp job once after moving to a new city. The job was quite fun in that me and two other temp workers were brought into a large conference room of an office with a huge number of boxes of envelopes and folded letters. Our job was to simply stuff the envelopes. I set up my work area and switched it around making numerous slight modifications to the position of the letter stacks and envelopes until I found a system in which I could stuff the envelopes as quickly as possible. I then made a game out of it to stuff them even faster if possible. One of the other workers looked at me and said: "What are you doing??" The question was profoundly odd to me as our activity was clearly shared and self evident. "What?" "Don't stuff the envelopes so fast. This job can take us four days if we don't work so fast. At the rate you're going we'll be done tomorrow." I was baffled. I ignored him and kept working at my fast pace. The other two were cold to me for those few days and I never saw them again. It makes no sense to me to be less productive that you're capable of being. That seems lazy to me.


_________________
"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

"Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world" -Van Morrison

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 41,745
Location: Stendec

23 Aug 2018, 12:12 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
That's the time-honored evolutionary strategy of bullies against nerds: "You outperform us, we overpower you".
Yeah, getting beat up for earning high grades and thus making the bullies look lazy and "stoopid" was (and still is) a common experience.
Agreed
The irony of that situation is that most of the people who bullied me are now either dead, homeless, or in prison.


_________________
 
“I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the
purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”

— Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek
episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

23 Aug 2018, 12:13 pm

climategeek wrote:
I'm 27 and for the first time in my life I got hired on a job that I got by myself, not through any agency or organization despite searching for hundreds of jobs for the past several years and having dozens of failed interviews.

I had an interview on Saturday and I mentioned nothing about my autism either on the resume or during the interview.

Yesterday on Monday was my first day of work and both the manager owner and the chef were really happy with me during a grand opening of the restaurant. Then I decided to drop a bombshell just as my shift ended and I let everybody know in the management position that I was on the Spectrum and I wanted to see what was going to happen now I like expected to be fired immediately as my entire life I've known nothing but discrimination and ableism. This has left me a very negative and pessimistic person and I was diagnosed recently with depression and generalized anxiety disorder because of my constant fear and depression because of being constantly discriminated against.

Today during work, I tried even harder than I did yesterday and I made sure I was doing that only what I was supposed to do, but extra things that I wasn't even asked to do just to show how dedicated of a worker I was, just so they wouldn't fire me even though I was still in training.

I learned really quickly and had no trouble operating the cash register at all for tending to the customers and I was doing even better than most of the other trainees there.

While on break, I told one of my fellow trainees that I'm probably going to be fired because I'm so unlucky. He was shocked by what I said and he said, what are you talkin about you're like the best one here if anything you're probably going to get promoted.

About halfway through my shift my manager came up to me and said that he needed to talk to me.

He took me aside and told me that I don't need to continue working heater being trained because he told me that I didn't know how to do the job even though I was clearly doing it better than all the other trainees. YOUalso told me, that he will call me on days that they're short-staffed or need an extra worker, but basically I was not going to be an official employee.

To make matters worse, yesterday after work I found out some bad news for my family as they cancel my self-direction program saying that I'm not ready for it and when I asked him to cut the BS and tell me the reason why their ableist asses think I'm not ready for it, they told me because you hang out with your LGBT friends and you don't tell us where you go.

Anyway, getting back on topic, I asked my manager to give me a legitimate reason why he doesn't want me to continue with my employment and he mentioned a couple of things, literally just two reasons why. One that the jugs of water that were meant for the customers weren't being filled up, yet that was because the dishwasher was taking his tome cleaning the jugs of water, and I took the f*****g initiative to help him to speed the process up, which no other trainee did but me.

And then when he said that the jugs were not filled up I showed him the fridge and all the jugs were there. He also mentioned that I was not being very attentive to customers, yet I was walking up to every single customer giving them new jugs of water when the previous one was empty.

I was able to tell that the manager was very uncomfortable whenever I countered one of his Arguments for the reason he did not want to continue my employment.

I even told him about a 10-minute story about how unlucky I was and how I actually accurately predicted that I was wasn't going to continue my employment there both because of my autism and because I'm cursed with bad luck.

In fact, I was so sure that I was discriminated against on other interviews that my job coach from AHRC, accompany me to my interviews boat to bounce for my skills and to see how I perform on them. Initially she thought that it was something that I did wrong, but after going on a few interviews she realize that I had no difficulty performing interviews, but I like clean it was because of my resume I stated that I had Asperger's Syndrome.

So in an experiment I decided to remove autism from my application and not mention it on my interviews and then I got hired at this Indian restaurant right across the street from my school. My employment didn't even make it out of the training phase before I got fired, mainly because of my very tense and pessimistic attitude, even though I was working the hardest out of everybody.

I actually confessed to my manager that I expected to be fired and this is why I was so tense and then he told me this is why I was not the right fit for the job as they needed someone who is very optimistic and in good spirits. How can I be in good spirits when nearly every negative prediction I've ever made in my life it's coming true one by one.

For an example, when I came back from the Boston higashi School in 2012, despite writing a very good report about me about how I did not belong in a group home with 24-hour supervision, I could tell that my mom had other thoughts and I predicted and argued with her that no matter how much I prove myself she was never going to change her mind and then I'm probably going to end up in a group home or with 24-hour supervision.

In an attempt to prove her wrong that she will still discriminate against me no matter how hard and well I do improving to her that I'm independent, 4 6 hours a day when they left me at home alone I would vacuum, mop and sweep the entire house from the basement through the second floor including all of the rooms. In addition I washed all of the dishes after breakfast, set up the dishes before dinner just before everybody arrived from work and school and I also set the food up as well and cleaned the dishes off the table and wash all of them by myself after dinner and put them away as well.

Despite doing this for over four months and not being told to do anything, during a meeting with the agency but I currently reside in my mom blatantly lied saying that I needed constant prompting and supervision to do the simplest tasks such as bathing and showering and that I cannot be trusted to be left home alone and I called my mom out in front of several agency Executives, including the CEO of her lies and I called her out for not mentioning how she left me alone for 6 hours a day alone for me to literally lick out the entire house.

My mom didn't give another reason for why I should not be trusted to live by myself and that is my very pessimistic and negative attitude.

Fast forward six years I'm still living with 24 hour supervision and I have almost no rights at all, no video game privileges no computer privileges all because my parents are taking away things that they claim it will addict me because they make me happy since autistic people get addicted to video games and computers.

When I countered my mom's argument that in my special education school in Boston I played only an hour a day, she said well you're not in that school anymore and I don't trust you that you can do that without being addicted.

When my mom found out for my staff that I played an hour a day and that I made a statement to my staff that they reported to my mom about my video game privileges stating that, at least I don't have to live under that dictator's rules anymore.

As a result, when I was in school one day my family confiscated all of my video games from my apartment and told me I could only play at my grandmother's house and usually when I'm there my uncle is usually there and he never let me play.

When I took it back there without their permission and told them that they had no right and taking my property from my apartment and that I was going to call the police on them if they ever did that again, my mom forced me to sign a contract stating that I can only play video games one day per week instead of one hour per day as a punishment for my extreme disrespect for my parent's Authority.

My staff now don't let me play at all as a punishment for my constant negative attitude and they stated, since you're going to be so negative and predict that we're never going to let you play, that's exactly what you're going to get.

Also, my mom told me that she will let me go to an out-of-state school when I graduate from LaGuardia Community College but I've been constantly predicting for years that she will change her mind at the last minute and that I have been wasting my life for 6 years in college all for nothing because I know that you're just going to not let me go and you're going to be satisfied watching me be upset.

I am so absolutely sure that my family won't let me go to an out-of-state school on the false pretense that I'm "Not ready" that I made a YouTube video and uploaded it so when my prediction comes true, I will make the video public so my parents can be publicly shamed for disability shaming me and discriminating against me.

And just yesterday my mom cancelled the self-direction program and the thing is, I publish a YouTube video a few months ago for addicting that my mom was going to cancel the self-direction program on a BS excuse since I honored all the promises that had to be fulfilled for her not to cancel the program and despite that she made up a BS excuse that and said it's because of that reason I'm cancelling self-direction even though she never told me that before.

And honestly maybe there is no point of me going to college as not only 85% of us are unemployed, but I'm obviously have some psychic tendencies and I could predict the future, albeit only for myself. And so far every negative outcome that I predicted that would happen as a result of discrimination and ableism has come true verbatim, 100%.

I'm planning to go to Lyndon State College after graduating from LaGuardia Community College in order to pursue my career choice of being a broadcast meteorologist and the reason I'm choosing to go to that school which has a much higher math requirement than Mississippi State, despite math being such a hard subject for me I want to go to Lyndon State College because of its 100% job placement rate of finding jobs four people in that career choice in a lot of students on the Spectrum also go to that school for that specific major and career choice as well, but I fear that I will be the first person in the history of the school who will graduate and not find a job in that career choice.


You're 27 and can hang out with LGBT people if you want. Your family sounds like they are overstepping their bounds by keeping you from programs because of their sociopolitical ideologies.

You are correct in that many employers will discriminate against those on the spectrum. It may be advisible not to disclose disabilities unless or until you need specific accommodations. You may be able to sue your former employer for discrimination but it probably won't be worth your time.

Concerning performing responsibilities you were not told nor trained to do, understand that while you might see this as a positive, in many situations, employers see this as a negative; particularly if they think it detracts from the responsibilities they want you to do as it distrupts the structure of the process and the supervisor no longer knows who is doing what so cannot effectively supervise. They also might only see that you are not doing what they expect you to be doing or are not around when they need you. If the dishwasher can't keep up with his or her responsibilities that is between the dishwasher and management and their respobsibility to fix, not yours. If you are running in to the back to help the dishwasher, they are short a person up front.

In some work environments, it's also bad to do someone else's job because it detracts from their value, or puts them at risk for getting in trouble if you do it wrong, or causes liability issues.

At my job, there are small things I do on occasion that are technically not my responsibility but my employer does not have an issue with because they are small "orphan" tasks related to my responsibilities that no one has an assignment to. However if I were to do something such as answer the main line phone, even if I am the only one in the office, that would be an issue because that would be an issue because the responsibilities surrounding that task are strictly delegated to people who's primary responsibility is to answer the phone, and they are trained to handle particular situations in particular ways. I am not even to take a message.



Magna
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,833

23 Aug 2018, 12:31 pm

Chronos wrote:

You're 27 and can hang out with LGBT people if you want. Your family sounds like they are overstepping their bounds by keeping you from programs because of their sociopolitical ideologies.

You are correct in that many employers will discriminate against those on the spectrum. It may be advisible not to disclose disabilities unless or until you need specific accommodations. You may be able to sue your former employer for discrimination but it probably won't be worth your time.

Concerning performing responsibilities you were not told nor trained to do, understand that while you might see this as a positive, in many situations, employers see this as a negative; particularly if they think it detracts from the responsibilities they want you to do as it distrupts the structure of the process and the supervisor no longer knows who is doing what so cannot effectively supervise. They also might only see that you are not doing what they expect you to be doing or are not around when they need you. If the dishwasher can't keep up with his or her responsibilities that is between the dishwasher and management and their respobsibility to fix, not yours. If you are running in to the back to help the dishwasher, they are short a person up front.

In some work environments, it's also bad to do someone else's job because it detracts from their value, or puts them at risk for getting in trouble if you do it wrong, or causes liability issues.

At my job, there are small things I do on occasion that are technically not my responsibility but my employer does not have an issue with because they are small "orphan" tasks related to my responsibilities that no one has an assignment to. However if I were to do something such as answer the main line phone, even if I am the only one in the office, that would be an issue because that would be an issue because the responsibilities surrounding that task are strictly delegated to people who's primary responsibility is to answer the phone, and they are trained to handle particular situations in particular ways. I am not even to take a message.


You bring up a very good point that I didn't pick up on about doing other people's work.

I agree that someone may be thinking they're impressing management by taking initiative to do other people's work without first seeking approval or being directed to do so. There can be many reasons why that's not a good idea:

While you think you're helping, perhaps the task must be done a certain way that you're not completely trained on. Or, the person assigned that task can be upset if you do their work and possibly incorrectly.

It can cause strife among the staff making management's job more difficult.

Good point, Chronos.


_________________
"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

"Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world" -Van Morrison

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Last edited by Magna on 23 Aug 2018, 1:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

23 Aug 2018, 1:01 pm

Magna wrote:
Chronos wrote:

You're 27 and can hang out with LGBT people if you want. Your family sounds like they are overstepping their bounds by keeping you from programs because of their sociopolitical ideologies.

You are correct in that many employers will discriminate against those on the spectrum. It may be advisible not to disclose disabilities unless or until you need specific accommodations. You may be able to sue your former employer for discrimination but it probably won't be worth your time.

Concerning performing responsibilities you were not told nor trained to do, understand that while you might see this as a positive, in many situations, employers see this as a negative; particularly if they think it detracts from the responsibilities they want you to do as it distrupts the structure of the process and the supervisor no longer knows who is doing what so cannot effectively supervise. They also might only see that you are not doing what they expect you to be doing or are not around when they need you. If the dishwasher can't keep up with his or her responsibilities that is between the dishwasher and management and their respobsibility to fix, not yours. If you are running in to the back to help the dishwasher, they are short a person up front.

In some work environments, it's also bad to do someone else's job because it detracts from their value, or puts them at risk for getting in trouble if you do it wrong, or causes liability issues.

At my job, there are small things I do on occasion that are technically not my responsibility but my employer does not have an issue with because they are small "orphan" tasks related to my responsibilities that no one has an assignment to. However if I were to do something such as answer the main line phone, even if I am the only one in the office, that would be an issue because that would be an issue because the responsibilities surrounding that task are strictly delegated to people who's primary responsibility is to answer the phone, and they are trained to handle particular situations in particular ways. I am not even to take a message.


You bring up a very good point that I didn't pick up on about doing other people's work.

I agree that someone may be thinking they're impressing management by taking initiative to do other people's work without first seeking approval or being directed to do so. There can be many reasons why that's not a good idea:

While you think you're helping, perhaps the task must be done a certain way that you're not completely trained on. Or, the person assigned that task can be upset if you do their work and possibly incorrectly.

It an cause strife among the staff making management's job more difficult.

Good point, Chronos.


Thank you. It took me a while to learn this in life. There are exceptions of course, some of them clear, and some of them not so clear. For example, a clear one, we had a fire at work once. Putting out fires is not part of my job description but I took action to put it out because it was an emergency.

A not so clear one: I had a task that had to be completed at a specific time and place and required power but upon arrival, I discovered the power had not been turned on to the facility. I located what I thought might be the power switch, which was clearly outside the jurisdiction of my department. It was a weekend and the department responsible for the power only had a skeleton maintenance crew, the only member of which who was also not authorized to touch the switch. We both stood staring at this switch debating about who should touch it, both knowing with enough certainty to worry that this was something that upper management would take issue with should something go wrong. His argument was that I needed the power so I should flip it. My arguement was that the switch fell under the jurisdiction of his department and not mine so he should flip it. We both had to call our supervisors on the weekend and hope they answered the phone (they did), and our supervisors basically agreed that one of them would take responsibility if something went wrong.



nephets
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 336
Location: North Yorkshire

23 Aug 2018, 1:52 pm

Only tell people you are on the spectrum if you can use it to protect yourself. NT's will always try and pick on the odd one out, especially if you outperform them and being an Aspie, you will probably outperform most people, because frankly we are just faster at many tasks. Also, we don't spend lots of time talking about nothing, which is good for productivity.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

23 Aug 2018, 8:04 pm

They can easily counter that, though, by requiring you to make conversation with them while you work. You’ll be unable to do both without screwing up big time and they’ll beat you hands down.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 30,660
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

24 Aug 2018, 12:06 am

A restaurant job? That is not the kind of work for someone on the spectrum I have found. A lot of it is terrible bullshit, like I also tried working as a dishwasher in a place and I suspect they stopped giving me hours due to some kind of not keeping up culture with the restaurant. Like all I did was do my work the best I could and only ask for help if a needed it....plus early on I was told knifes were not allowed to be left in the kitchen so a couple times I went out to ask who put a knife in the kitchen and said they were not allowed in there. People were supposed to wash their knives and bring them back out not leave them because if they got behind pans or dishes it was a hazard to people like me washing dishes. But I almost feel like that is part of why they booted me, because I was too particular about the knives or this or that. Well I was told not to allow them back in the dish pit unless a person just washed it and took it back out to the prep area. I mean I know I stopped getting hours after a couple of times of taking knives back out and telling people they needed to wash them, themselves and not leave them in the dish pit, which they told me to do.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,776
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont

24 Aug 2018, 9:02 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You shouldn't tell employers, or potential employers, that you are on the Autistic Spectrum right off the bat. That just isn't a smart thing to do.
I wonder what the OP was hoping to gain by mentioning autism. Unless he's making a request for a specif accommodation, there is no reason to mention it. Lots of people don't really understand it & have a negative opinion of it. Where I come from even the so-called "experts" think of autism as a less sever form of mental retardation. The employer was probably afraid of negative stereotypes & maybe that the OP would request accommodations in the future or just have problems doing something that's an essential task & he'd have a hard time firing due to the disabilities act.


_________________
But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


nephets
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 336
Location: North Yorkshire

24 Aug 2018, 1:45 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
They can easily counter that, though, by requiring you to make conversation with them while you work. You’ll be unable to do both without screwing up big time and they’ll beat you hands down.

Yes, that is the down side, so I try to rely on just being better than most people to survive in my job. So far (12 years on), I'm still there.



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,460

25 Aug 2018, 10:31 pm

Chronos wrote:
Magna wrote:
Chronos wrote:

You're 27 and can hang out with LGBT people if you want. Your family sounds like they are overstepping their bounds by keeping you from programs because of their sociopolitical ideologies.

You are correct in that many employers will discriminate against those on the spectrum. It may be advisible not to disclose disabilities unless or until you need specific accommodations. You may be able to sue your former employer for discrimination but it probably won't be worth your time.

Concerning performing responsibilities you were not told nor trained to do, understand that while you might see this as a positive, in many situations, employers see this as a negative; particularly if they think it detracts from the responsibilities they want you to do as it distrupts the structure of the process and the supervisor no longer knows who is doing what so cannot effectively supervise. They also might only see that you are not doing what they expect you to be doing or are not around when they need you. If the dishwasher can't keep up with his or her responsibilities that is between the dishwasher and management and their respobsibility to fix, not yours. If you are running in to the back to help the dishwasher, they are short a person up front.

In some work environments, it's also bad to do someone else's job because it detracts from their value, or puts them at risk for getting in trouble if you do it wrong, or causes liability issues.

At my job, there are small things I do on occasion that are technically not my responsibility but my employer does not have an issue with because they are small "orphan" tasks related to my responsibilities that no one has an assignment to. However if I were to do something such as answer the main line phone, even if I am the only one in the office, that would be an issue because that would be an issue because the responsibilities surrounding that task are strictly delegated to people who's primary responsibility is to answer the phone, and they are trained to handle particular situations in particular ways. I am not even to take a message.


You bring up a very good point that I didn't pick up on about doing other people's work.

I agree that someone may be thinking they're impressing management by taking initiative to do other people's work without first seeking approval or being directed to do so. There can be many reasons why that's not a good idea:

While you think you're helping, perhaps the task must be done a certain way that you're not completely trained on. Or, the person assigned that task can be upset if you do their work and possibly incorrectly.

It an cause strife among the staff making management's job more difficult.

Good point, Chronos.


Thank you. It took me a while to learn this in life. There are exceptions of course, some of them clear, and some of them not so clear. For example, a clear one, we had a fire at work once. Putting out fires is not part of my job description but I took action to put it out because it was an emergency.

A not so clear one: I had a task that had to be completed at a specific time and place and required power but upon arrival, I discovered the power had not been turned on to the facility. I located what I thought might be the power switch, which was clearly outside the jurisdiction of my department. It was a weekend and the department responsible for the power only had a skeleton maintenance crew, the only member of which who was also not authorized to touch the switch. We both stood staring at this switch debating about who should touch it, both knowing with enough certainty to worry that this was something that upper management would take issue with should something go wrong. His argument was that I needed the power so I should flip it. My arguement was that the switch fell under the jurisdiction of his department and not mine so he should flip it. We both had to call our supervisors on the weekend and hope they answered the phone (they did), and our supervisors basically agreed that one of them would take responsibility if something went wrong.


Ok, so here is my question. Why are employees browbeated over the head to take initiative?



Tawaki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,451
Location: occupied 313

26 Aug 2018, 9:28 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You shouldn't tell employers, or potential employers, that you are on the Autistic Spectrum right off the bat. That just isn't a smart thing to do.


Why did you tell your coworkers you will be fired? Especially when there wasn't anything glaring to point to? I'm sure that got back to the manager. If I had coworker tell me something like that, it would be a huge WTF.

Between the "I'm going to get fired" vibe you gave off, and then self disclosing for no good reason, they saw you as lawsuit waiting to happen. You served up the perfect plate of excuses why not to have you around.

There are are reasons why they let you go.

1. You did things with out asking. They are TRAINING YOU. Maybe 4 years into a job, you do something without being asked. I'd be pissed if a trainee decide to "help out", especially if it wasn't wanted or needed. It's up to me to decide what is wanted and needed. All it shows me is you can't follow instructions. You can always ASK what more can be done, but don't make those decisions without clearing them first.

Being attentive doesn't mean just filling up glasses. Did you smile and engage the customers? Did you seem relaxed? Or was management watching you going WTF is going on over there?

You wrote

"..I got hired at this Indian restaurant right across the street from my school. My employment didn't even make it out of the training phase before I got fired, mainly because of ***my very tense and pessimistic attitude*** , even though I was working the hardest out of everybody. " emphasis are mine.

Do you why people go out to eat? Yes, to get fed, but to have a good time. If the server is tense and wound up, that is such A BUZZKILL. I don't need people fawning over me, but if the person is down and tense, I start wondering what is going on in the kitchen. Eating out is an extraneous expensive. You go for the experience beside the food. A really great meal can be ruined by not so great service. My tips start at 20% of the bill after taxes included, so I don't expect the waitstaff to kiss my @ss for a 5% tip. I don't expect them to kiss my @ss at all. Just fake you don't want to stab the cook and manager even if you do.

Between the negative self talk to people who really don't want hear it, doing things that weren't ask for, and the killer was not being engaging with the customer. The bonus round was disclosing for no good reason.

I don't doubt your are a hard worker. Maybe restaurant work isn't your deal. Nothing wrong with that. I would totally suck running a register. Could you look into doing stocking or general clean up work? Something were you don't need to engage with customers and just focus on the work.

Next time DON'T OVERSHARE. Coworkers don't want to really hear negative or overly personally stuff right off the bat.

I have bipolar disorder. I don't disclose unless I really need too. Had you said nothing, especially during a training period, the boss might have kept you. Remember you disclose for accommodations. You might have not needed any four weeks later.

Good luck! Sorry about your parents being a royal bear.



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,460

26 Aug 2018, 9:53 am

Quote:
You can always ASK what more can be done, but don't make those decisions without clearing them first.


Is this how you take initiative properly?



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,565
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

26 Aug 2018, 2:02 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
Quote:
How can I be in good spirits when nearly every negative prediction I've ever made in my life it's coming true one by one.


I think I may understand what happened with your employer. Goldfish21 has been trying to explain this to me and I think I know what happened and I understand him now and your situation solidifies it. Perception is reality. I will explain. You displayed a negative attitude to your boss and those around you and they reacted in negative way towards you. People don't like it especially in employment if one projects negative emotions like sadness, sullen, anger, feelings of I can't, etc, etc even if it might be true. These negative emotions bring others down and in turn bring down an organization so productivity goes down.

If you want success and what I say is necessary for success but will not guarantee you success with an employer. But I think it will increase your retention rate with an employer. Even if you're feeling negative emotions and they're based in logical you have to learn not to project those and instead project the can-do, happiness, I'm happy to be here and help positive attitude. In other words, you may have to fake the attitude they want and as weird as this may sound things may turn around for you and genuine positivity will form. NTs never explain things this way but always in this pseudo-spiritual new age bullshit.


So much yes This.

I've worked in many restaurants, both front of house & back, bartending, porter/busser, expo, dishwasher etc. I also graduated from business school with 2 year 130.5 credit Diploma of Technology in Operations Management when I was 19 years old - so I understand business management, any business, and feel I can comment with an educated perspective vs. just experiential.

Restaurants are extremely social places. And attitudes are very contagious. It doesn't matter of you're the top producer if you're also the most negative. A restaurant cannot operate with someone who's depressed/anxious/pessimistic because not only will they rub the clientele the wrong way, they'll bring down the whole rest of the staff and make them miserable, too. Restaurants rely on their service staff to be genuinely positive people, with smiles and cheery voices. Sure, servers and bartenders have off days, too.. but that's when they just fake it and pretend they're fine. They do not need anyone, especially in a front of house position, that is openly negative. It doesn't matter if those other staff are less productive if they're all happy and customers are happy and keep coming back. It's not a factory where productivity is the only thing that matters. In a restaurant, the social aspect of things matters significantly - possibly The Most.

If you were to aim for a restaurant job again, and still have the same symptoms.. don't disclose your ASD/depression/pessimism. Think it, don't say it. And work in the back as a prep cook/dishwasher etc where there's little interaction with customers or service staff and you can quietly, quickly, get as much work done as possible where it's valued as production is the most important thing in those roles.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,565
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

26 Aug 2018, 2:07 pm

Fnord wrote:
The only times that I was ever fired for "trying too hard" were when I had union jobs (3x) -- exceeding quota is a big no-no with those people, even if your quality rate is 100%. The union members at each place got together and demanded that the shop stewards "do something", the shop stewards went to HR complaining that I was being "disruptive", management called me in to let me know that my services were no longer needed. and I was escorted to the parking lot and told to vacate the premises.

So maybe it wasn't anything that the OP has said or done, but maybe some jealous co-workers who didn't take kindly to someone else doing a better job than they -- co-workers who had some kind of leverage they could use on the manager.


This, too.

As I pointed out above, production isn't the only metric that matters in a restaurant. In some cases, producing too efficiently means pissing off others who are slower at their jobs, and having angry waitstaff is no bueno for a restaurant. Also, if you're doing other peoples' jobs without being asked it might piss off those people or management as you're overstepping boundaries and being perceived as a show-off. No one will like you for this. They'll appreciate you more when they ask for your help and you're able to give it, or when you see they're struggling and offer your help and they accept.

I've never been fired for being too fast.. but someone did try to hurt me once. I was working in a warehouse unloading trucks for UPS (Teamsters Union) and one guy in particular tried to shove heavy packages down the rollers at me because he was pissed I was working so fast and assumed I was trying to make him look bad. I called him aside and told him I don't give a f**k if you go hide in the back of a trailer and take a nap, I'm here for a paid workout, and the more work I do - the less he has to. He and his friend's never bothered me again. In hindsight, now that I have a much better understanding of the work and social world, I understand why that was his perception. Still, though, like others in this thread - I like to do things to the best of My ability.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.