My son’s only friend is moving far away...

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Libbets
Emu Egg
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24 Aug 2018, 5:15 pm

Hello, I’m new to this forum. I have an 8 year old son with high function autism, and he goes to a regular school which he loves. He is very sensitive and has a hard time making friends, since he says he’s not interested in people. He likes being with us in his family or alone. He is popular in his class but likes to be alone, so he’s not bullied or left outside. But I know what kept him safe and happy in school was always his best and only friend of three years, and now he’s moving away to his home country. I can see that my son is sad, but he never talks about feelings. I feel heart broken and worries about his future in school. He says he wants to be alone in school if his friend is not there.

How do I cope with this? People say he will make new friends, but I’m not so sure. I feel so sad for him and can’t take this loss out of my mind...



DW_a_mom
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27 Aug 2018, 8:41 pm

This type of thing is life, and we can't shield our children from the natural changes common to living life. My recommendation is that you follow the same pattern you would for any child you hoped could make more friends: encourage them in activities that interest them, and do what you can to support them in those activities. Whether that be playing Magic at the local game store, getting involved in music or drama, or playing a sport, following his interests will be the most natural way to find the kind of friend he will want to have.

Meanwhile, encourage him to obtain the friend's contact information and help him set up Skype or a similar form of long distance communication.

Being surrounded by children that seem to like him even if he isn't particularly interested in them helps a lot. He may eventually find he likes some of them better than he realized, too.

I was at similar crossroads with my son several times while he was growing up, but somehow it always turned out OK. If your child is happy, you be happy.


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AspieUtah
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27 Aug 2018, 9:08 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
...encourage him to obtain the friend's contact information and help him set up Skype or a similar form of long distance communication....

And, share more than one way to communicate (telephone numbers, mailing addresses, e-mail addresses and schools). With that much information, they could have many ways to stay in contact with each other. Help your son to remember dates for birthdays, holidays and days that meant something to them both. One very nice way to keep the friendship going is to negotiate with his friend's parent(s) to have movie nights where each friend would watch a copy of the same movie in his own community, and discuss it the next day. Take and share images of each other to keep up with the appearances.

But, it is true that despite all these ideas, friendships change over time. Prepare for those moments, too, by discussing these changes openly. This would help maintain relevance between them.

Good luck! :D


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Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


WAautisticguy
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31 Aug 2018, 1:36 am

I also recommend the same types of contact as the other two posters. Telephone numbers and the mailing address are a good thing to have, and will keep your son happy to keep in contact with his favorite friend. He's moving to another country, so you'll have to call to a different dialing code than in Sweden!
And I was in the same boat as your son at age 8. I basically had no friends my age, especially with the stimming and the oddball interests I had. Family were my 'friends,' and same with the adults at school and my AM and PM bus drivers...but rarely kids in the same grade.