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hurtloam
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25 Aug 2018, 6:18 am

I hate how ridiculously difficult this relationship crap is. It just never works out for me. Year after year, I'm still alone. I'm 36 now and out of my generation of my family I'm the only one who is still alone. Everyone else is in relationships.

The worst thing is I am getting out and meeting people. I've moved around a lot and met people in different areas and different social groups and I just never found anyone that is interested in going out with me. I'm making an effort.

It's hard not to take it personally.



Mythos
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25 Aug 2018, 9:11 am

It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.



hurtloam
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25 Aug 2018, 9:52 am

No one even wants to casually date me either.



hurtloam
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25 Aug 2018, 10:10 am

I'm always happier when I'm getting to know someone and falling for them... It always turns out though that they don't feel the same way. It hurts. It keeps happening.



Kiprobalhato
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25 Aug 2018, 11:28 am

Mythos wrote:
It's not a race


why do people say this?


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hurtloam
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25 Aug 2018, 12:18 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race


why do people say this?


I think it's meant to mean: your age doesn't matter. You don't need to find a partner before anyone else and the fact that others have found a partner before you i.e. all my cousin's and siblings, doesn't mean you are a loser, it means you are taking your own time and tthat's fine.

Even if it doesn't feel fine.



sly279
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25 Aug 2018, 1:00 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Kiprobalhato wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race


why do people say this?


I think it's meant to mean: your age doesn't matter. You don't need to find a partner before anyone else and the fact that others have found a partner before you i.e. all my cousin's and siblings, doesn't mean you are a loser, it means you are taking your own time and tthat's fine.

Even if it doesn't feel fine.


It is a race though. Who wants their first relationship to be when their 95 and too old to do anything but sit in a chair. The best relationships were ones you have in teens to 20s to which we’ve already missed and ever can experience.



hurtloam
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25 Aug 2018, 1:18 pm

sly279 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Kiprobalhato wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race


why do people say this?


I think it's meant to mean: your age doesn't matter. You don't need to find a partner before anyone else and the fact that others have found a partner before you i.e. all my cousin's and siblings, doesn't mean you are a loser, it means you are taking your own time and tthat's fine.

Even if it doesn't feel fine.


It is a race though. Who wants their first relationship to be when their 95 and too old to do anything but sit in a chair. The best relationships were ones you have in teens to 20s to which we’ve already missed and ever can experience.


I disagree that those are the best relationships. I have friends and relatives who had disastrous marriages in their 20s and found the right person for them in their late 30s and early 40s. Those are their best relationships.



sly279
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25 Aug 2018, 5:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Kiprobalhato wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race


why do people say this?


I think it's meant to mean: your age doesn't matter. You don't need to find a partner before anyone else and the fact that others have found a partner before you i.e. all my cousin's and siblings, doesn't mean you are a loser, it means you are taking your own time and tthat's fine.

Even if it doesn't feel fine.


It is a race though. Who wants their first relationship to be when their 95 and too old to do anything but sit in a chair. The best relationships were ones you have in teens to 20s to which we’ve already missed and ever can experience.


I disagree that those are the best relationships. I have friends and relatives who had disastrous marriages in their 20s and found the right person for them in their late 30s and early 40s. Those are their best relationships.


Guess it depends on the relationship you want. I want a playful, new, exciting, spontaneous relationship that only happens with people in their teens to 20s who’ve had no or little relationship experience. Most women in their 30/40s have already had that relationship and want a more serious one. I haven’t and still desire that new exciting experience teens had. There’s no hope for me even if a lady takes interest we incompatible for what relationship we want :cry:

I may be 30 but mentally I’m a naive over sexed 19 old. I don’t feel 30 at all
I don’t want to settle down buy a house and have kids.
I bet most the people you know had fun in their younger relationship and the later ones were more serious



kraftiekortie
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25 Aug 2018, 6:02 pm

I’m very much the same way. I’m a pretty playful guy who really doesn’t seem 57 at all. More like 22 or something.

My wife is irritated by that aspect of me.



hurtloam
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25 Aug 2018, 8:34 pm

I'm 36 and the last time I fell for someone it was exciting and we had fun... to be fair he only saw me as a friend, but it was still fun.

Well, I did want something more permanent because he's such a great guy. But that doesn't mean it wasn't fun.

We don't go all old and decrepit after 30 you know.



sly279
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25 Aug 2018, 10:16 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I'm 36 and the last time I fell for someone it was exciting and we had fun... to be fair he only saw me as a friend, but it was still fun.

Well, I did want something more permanent because he's such a great guy. But that doesn't mean it wasn't fun.

We don't go all old and decrepit after 30 you know.


Your an aspie though, we don’t mature same as nts. I’ve seen what most 30 old plus relationships are like and it’s not what I want and they don’t want what I have to give. I’ve never had a relationship so I’ve never had the youthful one and they want responsible one and I can’t give that.



Mythos
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26 Aug 2018, 2:36 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race


why do people say this?
Because some people, as young as maybe 14 or 15, believe that they're failing because they haven't found somebody yet when everyone around them has. It's concerning that people think relationships are imperative to enjoying life, it's more concerning when those same people think they have to rush to find relationships because of it. A rushed relationship is not a solid one. One founded on desperation is likely not going to work out. I found this out myself the hard way.

Relationships as a necessity is a societal imprint that all people deal with. Be they 15 or 50, there's somebody for everybody. Doesn't mean they have to rush it.

A certain Aesop fable springs to mind.



Mythos
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26 Aug 2018, 2:46 am

hurtloam wrote:
No one even wants to casually date me either.
This is sort of a last resort, but have you tried online dating or singles nights? I haven't been to any of these gatherings myself, but it's clearly going to be one that's full of people seeking other people. I met my partner on there, at a time when I was giving up hope of finding anybody. I mean, it's nothing certain but it might be worth a try. The unfortunate part is that the best sites require premium subscriptions (I've heard people take dating more seriously when those that participate are willing to shell out for the privilege; I suppose it filters out any fakers), it really depends on you, and how you want to approach it.

Besides, it seems like you have some great qualities. I just don't like seeing people give up.



hurtloam
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26 Aug 2018, 6:09 am

Honestly. I'm sick of you guys writing women over 20 off as horrible old bores. We still have fun. I have NT female friends who are still fun. It's a horrible narrow minded trope.



SabbraCadabra
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26 Aug 2018, 10:00 am

I'm sorry, I wish we could help you.

It's difficult because, at our age, all the good ones are already taken...or if they aren't taken, there's a very good reason for it >_<

Maybe you should do what NTs do, and just try to steal someone from their spouse =)


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