Why I haven't been back to college

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I haven't been back to college since last year and while a part of me is angry with myself for not further pursuing an education, I hate the local community college. It's the only one I can realistically afford (And even then it still breaks the bank for me) but I'd rather spare myself the social disappointments and the aimless courses.

I was told in my last years of high school college was going to be better for me; I wouldn't have to worry about cliques, I would be accepted for who I was, I would find out what I wanted to do with my life, and I would find love. Many people especially stressed the last thing though they themselves hadn't been to college; I suppose they were going by what their parents told them. But in my experiences, community college has been no different than high school. I still see rednecks, hip hoppers, and hardcore Christians in their own social circles while I don't fit in anywhere. The last time I was there, people were so absorbed by their cellphones that they didn't want to talk to anyone in person. I kept getting "f**k off" signals whenever I walked by or tried to make conversations.

I tried to take courses I had interest in but my grades in them were either failures or below average. What affected my performance was my difficulty with math and flunking the math portion of the accuplacer I had to take upon registering. I had to do mandatory remedial math and only one other course due to my work schedule being right in the middle of the day which limited the number of courses I could take. The stress from math as well as feeling socially frustrated ruined me and further chiseled away at my already low self-esteem.

The college clubs were also limited and didn't consider special interests. My mother tried to help me find a club but the only thing the college staff member we talked to could think of was the LGBT club and my mother swiftly refused that suggestion. I tried to join a club when I went back in 2017 but despite the college having a list of clubs, the club coordinator told me none of them were currently functioning and told me I needed to ask people personally about joining. But as I mentioned earlier, the social scene at the college was very shallow. Despite what she told me, she started a few clubs on her own but I had given up by that time; I couldn't join them anyway for various reasons.

Online classes

My mother did sabotage some potential social opportunities for me at the college. I tried to join a social program that an ex-social worker who was once part of recommended to me. They required a certain form only my mother had access to and she refused to give it. She also balked at the program, claiming it was only for "ethnic minorities" despite how having Aspergers makes me a minority as well.

College is not about meeting people, it's about education, in fact it works better the more you isolite from your peers, I like to remember that when I go into College that i'm not there to meet people, in fact most people kind of suck and if they don't their a distraction from my education so they can go f**k themselves. Those people who told you that college was about "Finding Yourself" obviously don't understand our economy or how a college education is almost required to have any career of significance. They live in some idealist's bubble. Quite Frankly if I were you I would go to school and pay attention to my teachers, and try to avoid all unnecessary social contact, because remember your their to learn not meet people. if you want to meet people go out to parties, concerts, and bars I guess to meet new people, because those venue's are for that.

If you aren't a redneck, hip hopper, or Baptist in my area, your chances of a social life are practically zero.

Whoa. There's a huge difference between a community college and a four-year, residential college. The most conspicuous one, from a social standpoint, is that community colleges are primarily commuter schools for people who live off-campus, usually but not always with their parents. Residential colleges have a bunch of young people all crammed together with minimal adult supervision, clubs are always more active and numerous, there are rec facilities and athletics, cultural events, and cafes and watering holes with their own unique style.

So at a college like that, you certainly would have developed socially more than you did at a community college.

I disagree with pat3po that "college is not about meeting people." It's absolutely about meeting people and being stimulated by the similarities and differences between them. It's about being at a campus long enough to make some lifelong memories, and identifying with the school and its alumni. Some people also make lifelong friends, but I admit I did not keep those friends forever; but I do have the memories.

And you are much more likely from ages 18 to 22 to date or find love, because everyone is single and healthy and good-looking and they all want that as much as you do. Add even 3 years in age and the scene is completely changed.

I have said before that I think most people are more likely to have romantic and/or sexual relationships living away from their parents. That can happen to someone in community college, but not if you are one of the students who still live at home.

Mark I am not saying you did anything wrong or should go back to college. Maybe one day you will have a clear goal that involves a degree, but going just to go, I don't see what it would accomplish. But you CAN leave your mother's sphere of influence, and I think you need to. It doesn't happen tomorrow maybe, but it's a goal.

Whether or not you go to college is your choice

Please don't let anyone, family, friends, strangers pressure you into going or not

Many college graduates have defaulted student loans and are unemployed or underemployed

College serves a function but maybe college is overrated by society





If you go to college you don't have to join clubs

Anyways I didn't join clubs in college

Not to say that I am a model or representative sample







College is not magic

I know my mother wanted me to get an Associate's Degree. I actually inquired what all courses I needed to take to get one and what I was told filled me with dread because I would have to take another math course as well as some physical education among many others. If I didn't have my job and had a clear idea of what I wanted, I would be able to do more courses. But because I am limited by my job and my low self-esteem as well as finances, I would probably be 60 or 70 by the time I finally get the degree.

Have you ever appealed the math requirement or asked for special help in completing it?

Also - your mother wanting you to, is one of the worst reasons for getting a degree. I agree it could be useful in employment, maybe that was her reason.

What's the deal with your job? Is it your only spending money? Do you get ANY of your SSI check?

Have you talked with your mom about what changes she would like to see before she helps you to take control of your SSI? Because that SHOULD be YOUR money.

If you want to defer this until your therapist can work with you, that's okay. I "get" how asking a parent to be less controlling can be pretty scary stuff.

Anyway, with a job in the middle of the day, you have plenty of free hours to find a different job, right? Even if it's not a "career move," it would give you a little bit of confidence and maybe some new opportunities.