Do women like or dislike effeminate men?

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ck990
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27 Aug 2018, 2:41 am

I will be talking here about specific East Asian men, because I have not seen this cultural phenomenon elsewhere. There is even a word for it - bishounen. In Europe for example, bishounen would be teased and bullied for being effeminate, but it seems socially acceptable in East Asia (although I am not sure to what extent).

Some are so effeminate that they are the definition of androgyny. The least androgynous men can pass as metrosexuals.

In my opinion women are the ones who dedicate themselves to being pretty, not men; with things such as beauty products, heels and female fashion. But I am not saying that men should be dirty, unaware of how they look and smell like obese truck drivers. I think males should look clean, self-aware of how they present themselves and dress well. But it seems some East Asian men have taken this obsession with looks on a new level.

Don't women find men who look too feminine gross?

Aren't female brains wired to be attracted to masculinity just like male brains are wired to be attracted to femininity?

These East Asian men believe that being effeminate would make them even more attractive to the opposite sex. From my masculine perspective trying to look feminine as a man has the opposite of intended effect, it makes you even less attractive. The homosexuals might like that, though.

I don't think that being pretty equals looking feminine. And that the more pretty a person is, the more feminine it must look like.

By that logic most women on Earth would be beautiful, because only a minority of women are masculine. How many women I have seen who have female-shaped eyes, wider hips and notable breasts that an average woman should have, yet they didn't look beautiful.

I agree though that hypermasculine faces such as those of Dolph Lundgren are not so pretty.

Men can still look pretty and cute, but in a masculine way. We use the word handsome to describe male prettiness
instead of the word beautiful, which is reserved for women.


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Last edited by ck990 on 27 Aug 2018, 3:23 am, edited 4 times in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Aug 2018, 2:54 am

They are going to hang you now.



ck990
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27 Aug 2018, 2:57 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
They will hang you now.


Who will hang me?


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Lorrent
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27 Aug 2018, 3:11 am

I don't think that this works for every women on this planet. There are even studies who prove the opposite, especcially in first world countries.

https://www.yourtango.com/20071356/femi ... -to-survey

Im aware that your are talking about asian men here, but I often find myself to be a little bit more effeminate than the average men in my country. I have a girlfriend...


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ck990
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27 Aug 2018, 3:16 am

Lorrent wrote:
I don't think that this works for every women on this planet. There are even studies who prove the opposite, especcially in first world countries.

https://www.yourtango.com/20071356/femi ... -to-survey

Im aware that your are talking about asian men here, but I often find myself to be a little bit more effeminate than the average men in my country. I have a girlfriend...


There are effeminate men everywhere, but its just undeniably more noticeable in Korea and Japan.

There's nothing bad with being a little effeminate. The dilemma is when you ask yourself, who's male and who's female. Have gender roles reversed? Are men trying to be like women?


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27 Aug 2018, 3:43 am

My word. I don't even know how to respond to this...



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27 Aug 2018, 3:56 am

This is a subject of contention in my head because I find masculine men attractive looks wise. The look I like often comes with totally incompatible lifestyles and I guess its how you can separate that because most people want to keep up with their 'group' socially etc.

I know someone who is eliminating everyone who is not the Korean/Japanese idol look from the running which is basically going to mean a lifetime alone here. But what I cant stand is that these people are plastic surgery copies made by music companies. If youve not looked up the before and after shots of them then its very interesting to see how that 'look' is going to be nigh on unobtainable irl. No sane person is going to pay for that if they are not doing it for a career. And if they do then they will inevitably be so self obsessed there will be no point in being in a relationship with them.

To me theres something wrong with changing your features, its a kind of lying for me anyway, and I even struggle with the make up thing lol so plastic surgery would be too much.



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27 Aug 2018, 3:59 am

ck990 wrote:
Lorrent wrote:
I don't think that this works for every women on this planet. There are even studies who prove the opposite, especcially in first world countries.

https://www.yourtango.com/20071356/femi ... -to-survey

Im aware that your are talking about asian men here, but I often find myself to be a little bit more effeminate than the average men in my country. I have a girlfriend...


There are effeminate men everywhere, but its just undeniably more noticeable in Korea and Japan.

There's nothing bad with being a little effeminate. The dilemma is when you ask yourself, who's male and who's female. Have gender roles reversed? Are men trying to be like women?


Just be comfortable with yourself. This whole debate of what men want and what women want is only good at dividing people. Different men want different things. Different women want different things. Do you want to fall in love with a person or a gender?


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ck990
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27 Aug 2018, 8:39 am

HighLlama wrote:
Just be comfortable with yourself. This whole debate of what men want and what women want is only good at dividing people. Different men want different things. Different women want different things. Do you want to fall in love with a person or a gender?


You seem to have the most realistic answer. Some women like effeminate men, some don't. We all have different needs, desires and values. It seems that I have unconsciously generalized both men and women. My premises are flawed because I didn't give a second thought.

The question "Do women like or dislike effeminate men" cannot be presented as a yes or no question because this is a invalid question.


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27 Aug 2018, 9:00 am

You may not like it, but some of those effeminate men are going to hook up with hotter women than you could ever hope for. Your opinion doesn't matter to those couples.



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27 Aug 2018, 10:16 am

ck990 wrote:
I will be talking here about specific East Asian men, because I have not seen this cultural phenomenon elsewhere. There is even a word for it - bishounen. In Europe for example, bishounen would be teased and bullied for being effeminate, but it seems socially acceptable in East Asia (although I am not sure to what extent).

Some are so effeminate that they are the definition of androgyny. The least androgynous men can pass as metrosexuals.

In my opinion women are the ones who dedicate themselves to being pretty, not men; with things such as beauty products, heels and female fashion. But I am not saying that men should be dirty, unaware of how they look and smell like obese truck drivers. I think males should look clean, self-aware of how they present themselves and dress well. But it seems some East Asian men have taken this obsession with looks on a new level.

Don't women find men who look too feminine gross?

Aren't female brains wired to be attracted to masculinity just like male brains are wired to be attracted to femininity?

These East Asian men believe that being effeminate would make them even more attractive to the opposite sex. From my masculine perspective trying to look feminine as a man has the opposite of intended effect, it makes you even less attractive. The homosexuals might like that, though.

I don't think that being pretty equals looking feminine. And that the more pretty a person is, the more feminine it must look like.

By that logic most women on Earth would be beautiful, because only a minority of women are masculine. How many women I have seen who have female-shaped eyes, wider hips and notable breasts that an average woman should have, yet they didn't look beautiful.

I agree though that hypermasculine faces such as those of Dolph Lundgren are not so pretty.

Men can still look pretty and cute, but in a masculine way. We use the word handsome to describe male prettiness
instead of the word beautiful, which is reserved for women.


It is my understanding that bishounen are not perceived as effeminate by east Asian standards.

However they are perceived as effeminate by western standards.

An east Asian woman is probably more likely to find an Asian bishounen more attractive than a western woman is because he does not contradict her ideas of masculinity.

That being said, there are western bishounen....as in the western version of a bishounen regardless of their race.

They are men like Fabio and Brad Pitt. Long haired men who pose for the covers of supermarket romance novels, and men like Johnny Depp. They are not effeminate by western standards. They have merely harnessed the traits of beauty in a masculine realm.



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27 Aug 2018, 10:22 am

Here's something that may shock you: women have individual likes and dislikes, very much like men do. We don't all like and dislike the exact same things! Isn't that amazing?! 8O



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27 Aug 2018, 10:32 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Here's something that may shock you: women have individual likes and dislikes, very much like men do. We don't all like and dislike the exact same things! Isn't that amazing?! 8O


This is true. However it is also true that those who transcend aesthetic gender lines within a society have a reduced potential to attract a mate from the heterosexual dating pool.



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27 Aug 2018, 11:17 am

I think there's some validity to the OP's post if he's asking about western women's preferences in a general sense. No doubt individual preferences from both sexes can vary widely. However, I don't think it would be accurate to be dismissive of the question in a general sense by saying an individual woman's preference can deviate from the norm, therefore there is no generality.

Perhaps posting in a forum asking individuals if women in general like or dislike effeminate men wouldn't be as productive as researching data on what western women are attracted to in men generally. I would be shocked if there wasn't data on the subject out there.

Flip it around. Generally, men are attracted to women who are feminine rather than masculine. Certainly there are men that are attracted to more masculine/rugged women. No right or wrong whatsoever. However, just because it can be assumed that some men (a minority) are attracted to more masculine women doesn't invalidate the fact that most men are attracted to feminine women.


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27 Aug 2018, 11:35 am

My last boyfriend was an effeminate man who seemed popular with humans in general. He has very long hair, smooth skin, is 5’3” tall, slender build, & is of Native American heritage, with high cheekbones, dark almond-shaped eyes, & full lips. A beautiful man.



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27 Aug 2018, 11:56 am

hobojungle wrote:
My last boyfriend was an effeminate man who seemed popular with humans in general. He has very long hair, smooth skin, is 5’3” tall, slender build, & is of Native American heritage, with high cheekbones, dark almond-shaped eyes, & full lips. A beautiful man.


Thanks for posting this! If you want to get dates you should do things that make YOU attractive. Too many here seem to worry about things they can't change and seem unwilling to change the things they can. 8O