Cousin and others tell me they don't want me to have a gf

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02 Sep 2018, 7:53 pm

MushroomPrincess wrote:

What you need is to acknowledge the fact that some people never find somebody, and there's this tiny chance that you might be one of them.

I want to believe my fate isn't set in stone like that. I don't buy into the idea that our fates our planned or predetermined. I just suffer from a lot of depression that discourages me so much.

BeaArthur
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02 Sep 2018, 9:13 pm

Marknis wrote:

MushroomPrincess wrote:

What you need is to acknowledge the fact that some people never find somebody, and there's this tiny chance that you might be one of them.

I want to believe my fate isn't set in stone like that. I don't buy into the idea that our fates our planned or predetermined. I just suffer from a lot of depression that discourages me so much.

This seems like an accurate statement of your situation. I would not discourage you from looking for a person to love, as it has been one of the most important aspects of my own life. But I do think it makes sense to treat your depression first, and you are taking steps to do just that.

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Marknis
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03 Sep 2018, 12:53 pm

BeaArthur wrote:

Marknis wrote:

MushroomPrincess wrote:

What you need is to acknowledge the fact that some people never find somebody, and there's this tiny chance that you might be one of them.

I want to believe my fate isn't set in stone like that. I don't buy into the idea that our fates our planned or predetermined. I just suffer from a lot of depression that discourages me so much.

Some here would just say things that were tantamount to telling me to "Suck it up!" without getting how my situation isn't simply something I can snap out of. I am just glad they either can't reply to me without warnings or they finally got a clue.

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03 Sep 2018, 1:36 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Those people are idiots. Why do you listen to them?

Exactly.

I gave up trying to please other people, and listening to everything they say, a long time ago. If people don't accept you for who you are, and don't understand you, don't waste your energy on them. There are other people out there that will. It's up to you to decide if you want/need a girlfriend at this time...and nobody else.

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03 Sep 2018, 8:55 pm

SilverStar wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

Those people are idiots. Why do you listen to them?

I certainly don't want my detractors telling me I can't have love but it's ok for them to pursue it though some of them just want to screw.

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03 Sep 2018, 10:23 pm

Ignore your detractors. OK?

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Marknis
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04 Sep 2018, 2:10 am

I don't know if I can call XFilesGeek a detractor or not.

The Grand Inquisitor
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04 Sep 2018, 5:57 am

BeaArthur wrote:

But I do think it makes sense to treat your depression first, and you are taking steps to do just that.

What if he's depressed about not having any luck finding a girlfriend? How exactly would you treat that without the introduction of at least a prospective girlfriend?

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04 Sep 2018, 10:12 am

Why would your cousin say that to you? Does she have any jealously or ill-will towards you? Oftentimes, not liking someone often stems from jealously of some sort. Or it could mean that she's in a toxic marriage and she's warning you about getting into a relationship with someone else as it could turn toxic just like hers did.

If someone is constantly toxic to you, then cut them out from your life. It doesn't matter if she's your family, if she's your cousin. You have no obligation towards your family. The only exception is your children, you have an obligation towards them. But for everyone else, if they treat you like trash, then time to throw them in the trash.

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04 Sep 2018, 11:02 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

BeaArthur wrote:

But I do think it makes sense to treat your depression first, and you are taking steps to do just that.

What if he's depressed about not having any luck finding a girlfriend? How exactly would you treat that without the introduction of at least a prospective girlfriend?

It's a combination of different things but I had to delete what I was typing because it was making me feel down.

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04 Sep 2018, 3:46 pm

Marknis wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

BeaArthur wrote:

But I do think it makes sense to treat your depression first, and you are taking steps to do just that.

What if he's depressed about not having any luck finding a girlfriend? How exactly would you treat that without the introduction of at least a prospective girlfriend?

It's a combination of different things but I had to delete what I was typing because it was making me feel down.

And I was going to say: This goes beyond finding a girlfriend. Marknis's depression is not the kind that you can just "snap out of." It's a true clinical depression that needs a very thorough treatment and it won't happen overnight - not even if the perfect woman fell out of the sky and into his lap (though that's an amusing image).

Mark, I hope that my post doesn't make you feel down!!

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Marknis
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17 Sep 2018, 5:34 pm

BeaArthur wrote:

Marknis wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

BeaArthur wrote:

But I do think it makes sense to treat your depression first, and you are taking steps to do just that.

What if he's depressed about not having any luck finding a girlfriend? How exactly would you treat that without the introduction of at least a prospective girlfriend?

It's a combination of different things but I had to delete what I was typing because it was making me feel down.

No, it didn't. You are correct in that I just can't "snap out of it".

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20 Sep 2018, 12:42 am

Marknis wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Marknis wrote:

BeaArthur wrote:

Marknis wrote:

My cousin recently told me she doesn't want me to have a girlfriend.

Okay, level with me here. Did your cousin say "I don't want you to have a girlfriend" - really in those words? Or did you interpret something she said as meaning she didn't want you to? I'm thinking it's the latter.

She said, "Mark, you don't need a girlfriend."...

Ah-HAH!! There it is!

"You don't need a girlfriend" does NOT mean "I don't want you to have a girlfriend"!

You WANT a girlfriend, which is normal and perfectly alright.

You do not NEED a girlfriend, no matter how strongly you want one.

In fact, NOBODY needs a girlfriend! Or a boyfriend. Or any kind of 'friend' (i.e., canary, cat, dog, et cetera).

Unless someone literally tells you that he or she does not want you to have a girlfriend, you have absolutely no reason to believe that they don't want you to have a girlfriend!

"I don't care if you have a girlfriend" also does not mean "I don't want you to have a girlfriend."

Do you understand now?

I have been told by others things like "You're never getting laid!" or "You're really a fa***t and don't realize it!" so I don't take well to being told that I don't need a relationship.

I think you need to toughen up and stop worrying about what other people think.

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20 Sep 2018, 8:40 am

CockneyRebel wrote:

I think you need to toughen up and stop worrying about what other people think.

Hmm ... I wonder where I've read that before ...

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21 Sep 2018, 1:48 am

Partly why I can't let go of wanting a girlfriend is because I fear that the number of single women decreases as time proceeds and I am missing out due to my struggles to the point that all my chances will be gone even if I do get better.

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21 Sep 2018, 1:49 am

Marknis wrote:

Just date a younger girl. Where i come from, girls tend to like older men.

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