15year old son advice please....

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My son is 16 in November and has had a few issues since he was about 5. But I’ve never thought about autism/ aspergers before, I could be completely barking up the wrong tree.
The things he does I thought he would grow out of, I’ve always put things down to him just being a bit quirky and like some lads,immature. But at nearly 16 I’m concerned that he isn’t going to grow out of them now.
He has suffered with bullying all through school, and is seeing a counsellor at school too. He suffers with anxiety and gets really down.

So here is a list of some things he does....

He doesn’t like food touching each other on plate
Only likes dry foods without any sauces or gravy
He is always washing his hands
He sometimes showers 2-3 times a day
He doesn’t like to talk much. But then will appear all of a sudden in the front room doorway and start talking about something like graphic equations...and he will talk and talk and talk about it. He has had no speech problems...and had no developmental problems that were picked up on , other than the food issues and didn’t make friends easily or socialise easily.
He sometimes uses his hands and tries to mime out what he wants to say.
He is sensitive to touch, he will flinch sometimes if anyone goes near him.
He doesn’t like to get his hands wet (unless he’s washing them lol) but if he gets splashed, he has to get dried immediately. Even getting something on his clothes, the slightest mark and he will have to tell me about it and then get changed.
If I ask him to wash up he will do it without putting his hands in the water, only getting ends of fingers wet.
He will sit with head phones and earphones in constantly...I think to avoid conversation
He is constantly on the pc and will not talk or speak to anyone, he gets mad if we try to ask him something or distract him while on pc.
He claps his hands and has a rather huge grin on his face and does a crazy laugh when he gets excited ( hard to explain on here but it isn’t the kind of thing you see a kid of his age doing)
Occasionally lets out a screech....but has changed that to now shouting Yeeet instead...it also use to be a kind of owl sound and he’d move his head side to side like an owl....but again coz he has a funny sense of humour I put all of this down to him just being quirky
He won’t touch our dog
He doesn’t like our dog looking at him or watching him
He always bursts into tears at the least bit thing that goes wrong
He gets very fixated on things...like his electronic gadgets ( and I know that’s a things for most teens)
He has problems socialising and always say he doesn’t know how to talk to people
He won’t join in conversations, he says he never knows what to say or how to start a convo
He has gone through all his secondary school with bullying and is seeing a counsellor at school.
The latest thing he has told me is that he gets scared in the dark through the night, thinks there is something in his room. A shape or shadow scares him. He keeps a big fan turned on through night to take away the silence of the room. He used to keep a big teddy bear on his chair and he had to angle it so it was looking at his door to watch for something coming in his room....now he uses one of his weights up against his door through the night.
He said he sometimes thinks he sees people...like if I have washing on the line outside, he can see it through the frosted glass of the door, from where he sits at pc....he knows it’s washing...but he says his brain tells him it’s people in the garden.
I could go on.....
His peers at school all say he is weird...apart from his 2 close friends
But I don’t know if this is all just an anxiety issue or if there is something underlying that has been missed. Also because he is a teenager...I know they have there own quirks lol. He has good eye contact.
Primary school were terrible with him. They got me to go into school during lunch and try to get him to eat his food. I said all you need to do is not put gravy or sauces on his food and he will eat....but I got told I was pandering to him. He ended up on pack lunch.
He got referred to camhs last year as he was so down and anxious and told his counsellor that he had thought of suicide. I told camhs about his issue with food and ocd etc, they said it was interesting but they then discharged him and said they didn’t need to see him again.
Me and my husband have sat and talked to him about seeing GP again. He doesn’t want to come with us, so he has written a list for me to give to GP with a list of his quirks and concerns.
What kind of things should we be asking the GP...to go back to camhs or ???
So just getting to the point where I don’t know what to do for the best. But we are obviously concerned for him.
Thanks in advance for any advice.

What are his positives, his strengths, his personality type?

He is a loving and funny and quiet lad. He is amazing at maths and physics and gaming...he loves playing basketball twice a week...and being 6ft 1....he is always checking his height to see if he’s grown anymore

I think it could be worth having him evaluated. Knowing a person's neurology is like being handed a key. It would not only help you understand him, but give you a tool for forcing those around him to change their thinking so they can understand him, and give you a tool for forcing some changes at school. If he is on the spectrum, there have been a lot of years of miscommunication and misunderstanding that will need to be undone, to the extent possible.

I don't know everything involved in getting an evaluation at this point in time, but there is usually a survey that delves into the person's history, interviews, and an IQ test (for the purposes of observing scatter among the components, a common indicator of ASD).

Meanwhile, try out some of the protocols on our board and see if they improve things in your family.

Note that since your son is 15, he needs to be involved in every decision made, including the decision to evaluate. Talk in detail about why you are suggesting it, in terms of what you hope to get out of it, but be VERY careful. Considering ASD for the first time at 15 can be sensitive. For some, it is a huge relief to realize there could be an explanation for differences they've already noticed. For others, it destroys everything they thought they could count on to consider they could have a condition worthy of diagnosis. You need to know which you have with your son before you pursue this. There is no point in starting down a road that he will battle against; it won't work to the positive.

I wish you luck; I hope you get answers that will help your son have a better life.

Your son is approaching the age where he can begin to compensate for the mental constructs he formed as a child. Most children react to others and achieve an inner mental life that is a result of constant interaction and feedback from others. The Aspergers child is usually less influenced from these “feedback” sources and thus more idiosyncratic.

Now that your son is approaching being able to take conscious (or manual) control, he can begin to use feedback to make changes in his own processing. Parents can help with this by engaging him to consider the advantages of making a change here or there and letting him know when he has done something he may wish to correct.

There is a free booklet about Aspergers that gives a non-traditional perspective and helps to consider how an intentional life can be useful.

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf

If your browser cannot open a pdf document, you can right click and select “save as”.

Thank you

I LOVE your kid!! He'd probably do well in maybe a private religious school. It's a shame that he just can't be allowed to just be himself. I must say that my son was a happy kid despite all his quirks but when he got to school, he became very despondent. Kids are just cruel. My son thrived in any type of class involving acting/drama. A lot of his quirks werr gone by the time he reached 17. He's now 20 and in college - a private, Christian one. He's doing very well. When I see him now, I long to live it all over again but with him happy this time. Things seem to be easier for aspies as they get older. Adulthood gives you more license to be who you are.

With all those traits, I'm amazed that no one at his school has already advised getting him assessed. My son is very similar, and he was recommended for AS assessment at age 8.

Generally Aspie (Asperger Syndrome, which is now referred to as High Functioning Autism) males receive a lot of bullying (both mental and physical) and the stress and trauma can be quite overwhelming. It is the stress and trauma that generates many of the negative traits that your son exhibits. For many males, the bullying peaks in Junior High. But by then much damage has already been done.

There is a fairly good book out that can point you in the right direction for minimizing the stress your son is experiencing. The book is written by Peter A. Levine and is titled "In an Unspoken Voice".

I did a Aspie self analysis several months ago and put the results in a book online called The Aspie Code
That explains my perception of many of the Aspie traits.

I am working on another book that will be titled "Asperger’s Syndrome – The Path Forward: Secondary Causes and Treatment Methodology". Hopefully I will finish that project in a couple months.

In this age behavior of kids changes rapidly and it is really hard to find the reason. All you need to keep watch on your kids routine and try to communicate with him as much as possible because you'll find your answers if you constantly talk with him and please share your thoughts with him on various topics ask him to share it with you. It not only gives you the answer but also makes your bond stronger. If he is in trouble then teach him to deal with it without any hesitate and tell him that you are always there for him. Such things really matter to him. Just play with him any indoor or outdoor games it will help you to know your son differently and in a friendly way. Just teach him the self-awareness and to communicate with people. This article helps you to communicate with your kids.

Have you double checked the way you write? Your spacing is odd.


Anxiety is easy to eliminate. Take a look at this: http://www.eikonabridge.com/anxiety.pdf

The thing I am most afraid of, though, is parents getting into the "decompression" mode. See, parents get stressed out by their children. So, they seek a pair of ears to listen to them. They seek sympathy. But then, many of them are not really looking for a solution to their children's problems. In other words, they just want to get "decompressed" and feel better. My point is: are you truly seeking solutions and implementing them?


Could be a form of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).


If you are truly concerned about him, get him come on this board. He is old enough and PC savvy. There is a certain degree of respect that children deserve. Don't do things behind their backs. My children often read what I write here.

You can print out this message and give it to your son.