I can't stop being desperate. I should just kill myself

Post Reply New Topic

This sounds a lot like me. Sometimes I even know the thoughts are irrational, but trying to remove or fight them actually just makes it worse. I just have to let them run their course for a while until they let up, which unfortunately can take a long time.

If it helps you feel any better, you're not alone. I've only dated a few times, and I definitely could not replicate those if I tried. The first was with someone who, looking back, was probably also on the spectrum and I kind of wish it would have worked for that reason, but we were teenagers and I hadn't even been diagnosed yet. I just thought I was really, really, really odd; I also unfortunately thought I was very stupid because I didn't understand when I was being teased and things like that, and that's one of the reasons I wish I actually had been diagnosed when I was younger.

Anyway, I think the only reason I dated at all was because I was female and was asked first. I never would have asked them myself. The other two people I dated turned out to be unhealthy and predatory, too, so it's not as though I've had much positive experience. And it's been nearly ten years since I've dated. I'm pretty much in the same situation as you at 27 and having no idea where to even begin with the idea of dating. The whole thing is honestly pretty terrifying.

I'm similar in having had past experiences that tell me I'm not good enough or worth caring about. It's a very slow process, trying to learn to see that that isn't true. Most days I do feel like those things are true and I'm pretty worthless. But some days I don't. And that's an improvement from having no days where I feel those things aren't true. And looking at this thread it seems like that's what's starting to happen for you, too.

It's going to take patience, but I think time will help you continue to grow in this way. Keep talking to others you can relate to and don't give up on yourself. I don't think you need to give up on having a relationship. I really hope you feel better soon. You sound like a good person who's had a lot of difficult experiences, but you're still fighting. That's a valuable trait to have.

Don't kill yourself. Phone one of those hotlines and get yourself into ER. Get yourself a hobby. Hobbies help to keep your mind off the bad stuff. I'm 43 and I've never been in a relationship. It doesn't bother me. I guess relationships are a big deal in America.

Intrusive thoughts might pop in to your mind but you don't need to allow them to make a home there. This is why it is important to keep yourself distracted.

I feel this way too all the time. Just wish I had somebody fun to hang out with a real friend around here. And a real boyfriend love relationship... Have only gotten screwed over by very bad guys (not making a blanket judgement but the guys i been with from online dating were pure evil.) people and abandoned.... But I think things will turn around eventually.... I still have to read this thread btw I just wasted the night being angry at incel comments on my youtube video cause certain people seem to think they can hate on me for being screwed over and being socially isolated.... Sigh...

One thing that's definitely help is not to look up certain YouTube channels like The Advise Show. Phil's hypocrisy and double standards made my blood boil until I completely purged his videos from my sight.

I am glad you have taken these proactive measures.

I do still struggle with weekends, though. I feel like I am missing out on social events and everyone around me is having fun while I am alone in my home unless I go eat at a restaurant though I will eat alone. I haven't changed much from my teens in that regard.

I think the amount of fun going on on the weekends is over estimated. I once became curious to know what others did on weekends and it turns out that most people who don't work weekends do mundane things such as laundry, chores they didn't have time for during the week, napping, watching TV....of course most people do have fun weekends on occasion.

I dont do anything on the weekends. Usually I go to my parents to eat supper and watch a movie but now that my dad is looking for work I probably wont go there very much.

I think when it comes to having fun on the weekends, some people feel compelled to be out doing something because sitting at home on a friday or saturday night is supposed to be a big no no. I know of people who are social that way but are miserable and depressed as hell. I imagine when a person gets towards middle age, they grow out of that.

Don't kill yourself. You are no different from NTs just because you are on the spectrum.

If people judge you, they just have a problem with themselves.

32 yr old virgin here, I've been on 2 dates my entire life and my longest lasting GF was 2 weeks.

Feel you man I'm comin from where you're comin from.

One of the only times I saw my father be proud of me was when I told him I found out a girl at school liked me. The next day after stumbling through some awkward sentences talking to that girl I knew she'd never like me again.

Thought about that day for 2-3 years replaying those mistakes I'd made. Was part of entrance into a 10 year depression.

Today I look and I see stinking breeders everywhere and they are so proud to accomplish the thing even insects can do. Useful idiots, perhaps, eh?

I understand I am lucky today to stand on my own 2 feet and need nothing from anyone.

Your issue isn't with women, its with allowing abusive negative people to have a voice in your life, these 'detractors' should be thrown out of your life after your cuss them out at the top of your lungs.

There's good people on this planet believe it or not, if you need a friend in Los Angeles, I'm one of em. Hope all is well

Are there any free courses on dating and relationships in your area that you can look into?

Nonexistent in my area.

I am actually now beginning to think that the few people with whom you do spend your time with are unhealthy for you. At least you have a community on these boards with whom to communicate about your concerns.

That sounds a lot like what i did before (and still often do even now actually, except instead of eating out, I generally just eat at home where I currently live by myself until I can figure out how to organise and re-organise all this equipment and merchandise that makes it difficult for me to even walk around and hopefully sell all of it off). Anyway, some places (usually churches) sometimes offer a «free food/dinner» day like once a week (sometimes for donations), and maybe you can give that a try. I wasn't expecting it but a very attractive woman (she would be considered a 9 on the 0-10 scale) actually initiated speaking to me one day whilst I was sitting down eating at one of the tables at such a church that was providing food (I was «homeless» at the time even though I had a car). Church-people tend to be more out-going than most other types of people amongst the populations so you'll probably be approached by someone eventually (not always of the opposite gender). They'll probably try to talk about God, religion, etc., but you can always steer your conversation towards food if you'd rather not talk about how it is believed that some mortal must become everyone's lord and savior.

Anyway, I think you're being too hard on yourself (emotionally), not sure what it's going to take, but, like the saying goes, Rome was not built in only a day, and it's going to take practice on how to improve your odds of «encountering» a possible «match» if you can get as much experience as possible in being outgoing and asking questions and taking an interest in other people. I sincerely hope that you'll find an interest that takes your attention away from thinking about things that make you feel lonely then be able to expand from there and possibly encounter people who share similar interests. For myself, reading publications in the field of parapsychology distracted me enough to not care that I had been living by myself in a car for five years in a row, although such a subject tends to be extremely controversial and probably won't be well-accepted by a bible-belt population. Anyway, opportunity is always everywhere, you just have to silence your thoughts in order to become more aware of them, rather than thinking that opportunity only knocks when you were in your teens and has gone away never to return.

Please visit the library and browse through all of the different book-titles. Surely you will find something that may be of interest to you ? Perhaps you could share your findings and we could have interesting convos about it on W-P.