Lady at work keeps interrogating me 0.o

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Other people’s bodies are theirs; your head is yours. The only disrespectful thing here would be for others to try to dictate what you can and what you cannot fantasize about. Don’t let them.

If a woman can’t handle the fact that I’d like to have sex with her, she’s not my friend.

Thanks. I’m curious about that, because I think I’ve always been powerless, for one reason or another, to do anything to experience those parts of life. My parents didn’t take any specific measures to stop me; my social isolation, and probably my unpopularity and my growing immaturity compared with my peers, were enough. That’s why it makes me very anxious that most parents seem to agree that the longer those experiences are put off, the better, unconditionally, and many apparently strive, in fact, to prevent their children from getting the very experiences that helped them mature.



Don’t worry. I think the only intense thing is that I expressed them verbally. People usually freak out when I verbalize things they otherwise deem normal.



Mostly yes. I like women a lot; can you tell? But bear in mind that’s what I want before I know anything about them. If they look mean, I discard those thoughts immediately. Same if I know they’re in a relationship. Same if I actually interact with them in any way and it turns out we don’t get along; etc.

Barring those obstacles, women still look like magical creatures to me, and I don’t see any reason to force myself to see them otherwise.

That’s what I was getting at before. As long as neither of you is in a committed relationship with anyone else, why can’t the terms of the friendship be simply “We do whatever we both want, period”?

Last edited by Spiderpig on 11 Sep 2018, 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Brevity is dead

Egypt is one of the worst places in the world when it comes to sexual harassment, and their government don't seem to even admit the problem.
https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2018/07/ ... 50361.html

She's out now btw.

I don't get the erection in public whole thing, but maybe I am not high in testosterone enough - I thought only young adults have this ability? At my current age I don't get erection unless I am doing something sexual with someone or deeply fantasizing in the right setting, or morning wood - otherwise I don't get aroused just visually ie. by just seeing an attractive girl in public; yes, I will think she is attractive but not to the point of getting an unwanted erection.

I'd like to comment on this, just in case you might get the impression that all men are the way one person represents himself here:

I don't know about "everybody", but yes, men can do that too. Erections, either involuntary or triggered by sexual thoughts go away if you deliberately concentrate your mind on other things. It has nothing to do with age or level or "horniness" - I'm just teaching my teenage son these days how to avoid embarrassing himself at the pool and generally in public. Most men will know what I'm talking about.

Also, men (with some exceptions it seems) don't automatically get erections or slip into detailed sexual fantasies when they hug a female friend, even an attractive one.

While men are sexual beings and can be very visual, we also have self control and the ability to relate and interact with (attractive) women in a non-sexual way. And plenty of us manage to have meaningful friendships or professional relationships with women without lusting over them.

Strawman away

Congratulations. You defeated the Metastrawman.

What do you mean?

It was fairly frustrating but there was a pretty good rationale in my head. I wasn't brave enough to be in a relationship with him. I didn't like myself enough or care well enough for myself back then. I was with someone else instead. Someone I was avoiding by hiding in my best friend's bedroom all night every night. If we would have been together it would have been epic and very tumultuous and I just wasn't ready for that.

Last edited by elsapelsa on 12 Sep 2018, 12:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[quote="Spiderpig"]If people have a way to make you uncomfortable for their mistakes, they’ll often use it. Apparently, there are universal ways for men to make women uncomfortable. I tend to be oblivious to them, because I usually forget life is a game of chess, and also tend to think that the woman’s desirability to me confers her a moral high ground I can’t take away by abusing her.[quote]

Thing is I found the salesman example far more more destabilising than the masturbating men. The masturbating men were pretty clear cut. The salesman example is like my driving instructor who once commented that I was a road hazard by just driving as men were staring at me and not the road. Those kind of comments that are somehow meant to be flattering are extremely unsettling to me as I don't like that kind of ambiguity. What are you meant to say, smile sweetly and say 'thanks' whilst you are dying inside?

I guess you already know you're supposed to understand perfectly what they mean, and the dying inside is the punishment you get for lacking that innate ability.

Can you explain what you mean? I am confused. These things always trouble me.

Like recently I was in the states and filling up at the gas station and my pump wasn't working and this man handed me his pump and said to fill up on him... Why would he do that? What does it mean, what does he want? I really don't get it. What is the scenario he is hoping will happen? Or do people just go around giving away petrol?

If I am guarded in these scenarios I feel like I am being vain as I take it they are approaching me because they find me attactive but if I am not guarded I fear I am being naive. Recently, in moments of self-doubt, I have even wondered if all my male friends through the ages were only friends with me because they thought it would eventually lead to something more which would make me feel rather sad. Although if I am honest with myself I do actually know that is not true as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary.

But recently a female acquaintance said the mums in the playground felt threatened by me as I am attractive. Once again, I am left gobsmacked. Of all the reasons I feel I don't get on with and find it easy to chat with the mums in the playground this would be at the bottom of my list. I myself would never even pay attention to someone's appearance. And they are all dolled up and I am not. So, is this just something she said or do women actually make those kind of odd decisions.

Wow, really pouring out all my insecurities in one place tonight.

Better go to bed now.

Elsapelsa.

It's true that attractive women don't always get treated very nicely by other women but I would question why this

acquaintance felt the need to tell you the other women felt threatened by you. It sounds to me as if she is the one

who feels threatened. As for finding the other comments uncomfortable, they are basically accusing you of being

responsible for other people's behavour. If I trip over in the road because I'm watching someone else eat a cake

instead of where I'm going, it's because I'm a greedy piggy, it's not the cake's fault for being all yummy. The lack of

originality is pretty cringeworthy too.

I have a high sex drive and get easily turned on. So like when I’m texting a woman I like I get errections. Some enjoyed being able to do it, however I doubt a friend would like it.
As for seeing women it doesn’t happen all the time but it does happen.
My original point was that if I had a female friend in person who hugged, touched or cuddled me I’d get an errection, some conversations could probably cause it too.