Marriage problem - does this happen to you?

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My wife and I have always struggled because we see things so differently. She comes from a childhood with abuse mental, physical and sexual. She's got severe commitment issues (we dated exclusively for 4 years, were engaged 3 times, before she finally went through with marriage). She never seems to take any responsibility for any difficulties she causes, instead blaming it all on me. When it comes to making decisions, she won't, but then blames me if there's a bad outcome and claims I'm too controlling.

It's only been a year and a half, maybe, since I was diagnosed. We're both in our 40s, been married 6 years. Once I got the diagnosis, she was thrilled. In her eyes, she finally had a reason for all the problems we've had. She's been seeing a counselor lately, I went with her the first few times, but I stopped because it was clear he didn't understand aspergers. The counselor is trying to convince her that I'm dealing with some sort of PTSD and that as long as she stays the stable one in the family, our son will turn out okay.

Here's the thing, since the diagnosis, she seems to think she understands aspergers, to the point that all my thinking 'must' be black and white, that I 'can't' understand any emotions or be sympathetic at all, and worse, every problem we've had is 100% me, directly because of my aspergers. She fails to see her role in anything and expresses very little of the facts when she talks to others, to make it sound like I'm completely nuts.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? How have you dealt with it?

delicate problems, you may take a look here
viewtopic.php?t=9944
http://spartanlifecoach.com/covert-narc ... -unmasked/

^^

Spartan Life Coach is great, HPLFan. I have been in relationships with people who couldn't make decisions and blamed me for everything. I ended them. Your situation is a bit more complicated, so I don't know if that will work for you. She needs to want to be honest with herself and seriously look at her past. I hope it works out well for you.

That idea would have never occurred to me, I'll have to look into it. I know she thinks I'm narcissistic at times. I think she interprets my need for structure that way.

It blows my mind that the counselor would say that your wife is "the stable one" and that her remaining that way should mean your son won't have any problems. I mean...wow! Maybe he said this to her when you weren't in the session with her, but I can really only imagine that being weaponized, especially in your arguments. Imagine her saying "I'm the stable one, so I know better than you" which kind of looks like it's already happened.

To be honest, if you guys see things so differently to the point that you can't get along...I don't think it's good that you stay together. I had a relationship where it seemed like we could hardly agree on anything and she would get on to me for "thinking too much" or not having a moral compass because my sense of right and wrong were completely different from hers.

I remember before the relationship I was so sad because I felt lonely all the time...now I really just prefer to be alone. Though, I am seeing someone new who I've been getting along with better.

I know it might be harsh for me to take one look at this and immediately think of separation, but it kind of seems like you're constantly being belittled. It was hard for me when I was going through that and I hate to see someone else going through that

My husband and I are going through the similar problems you mentioned.
It is so hard to even talk to my husband now since the Doctor even mentioned Aspergers. He " believes he knows everything there is to know on Aspergers. He has his own "issues he is working on" however he implies that all of our problems are because of me and he takes no accountability. I don't communicate well anyway. I never have.
But how are you supposed to be able to talk to someone that " already knows it all" ??? its so frustrating .....