Can't seem to act normal enough?

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I'm trying really hard to get a job right now last interview was awkward I was trying too hard to be "normal" I faked a smile and I did an eye contact trick by looking at her nose. I asked how she was doing and I tried my best at small talk but it still wasn't enough.

They always see right through me, and start asking if I'm alright. How do I act, I feel hopeless, I've been fired three times for not being friendly enough with people and I'm currently not qualified for any other job, I am a student going into the IT field.

I want "normal" people to like me but most of the time I just make them uncomfortable they never want to hire me.

Does anyone have any advice on how to appear more normal so I can get a job?

I'm sorry to hear that you've had troubles in this area. I've tended to either bomb interviews, or do well enough to get hired; depends on what they ask and are looking for.

I'd hope that IT would be more accommodating for you. Maybe you haven't hit the right companies? I'm also female, and I was able to take on most substitute educational IT jobs as a substitute teacher for a larger school district a couple of years ago. There was one disaster though when I had to adjust a bunch of Excel spreadsheets for school HVACs (never did figure out the formulas they asked me to do for that), and another last year when I had a meltdown over them arguing about where they should place me in the building when the IT department disagreed with the Substitute Teaching office on where help was needed (apparently there were lots of conflicts between the newer Subbing company and the district educational IT department, from what I was told, unlike the previous Subbing company who got along with the educational IT department just fine).

So, basically, my advice to you is keep trying with other IT companies. Maybe these others are just not the right company fit.

Sorry this is so hard for you.

I'm actually dealing with something similar when it comes to applying for a job, but has more to do with saying the right things and looking professional and less klutzy or spazzy. What is currently helping is my college's career service department. I have a counselor who teaches me how to write a resume and a cover letter. What has also helped is my own personal therapist, so that way I can play the role of "normal."

And just to clarify, why I make it sound easy, its actually isn't. Even though I have these resources, the anexity is the biggest mountain I have to climb. All I can say is push yourself.

Rehearse and review several interviews. I remember going through at least a couple of dozens of interviews back when I first became a job-seeker. The important thing is to gain experience, but not just that, you also must learn from your experiences. The fluidity/fluency/comprehension of presenting a good interview is very similar to writing a paper; your first few interviews may have «draft» quality, but, once you go back and review ALL of the questions that were asked of you, then you can go back and make a more «professional» presentation.

Make SURE you write down and keep TRACK of the interview-questions IN DETAIL. You will find that MOST employers will USUALLY ask the SAME or very similar questions :

Why are you applying for this job ?
Good Answer Examples: I already perform the functions of this job at home as a hobby so it seemed reasonable to me to offer to put my skills to good use for a company that should be able to benefit from my help due as I already have plenty of experience carrying out these kinds of errands.
I actually like this company, I believe in its values, and I wish to be part of the team to promote its success [then give specific examples and reasons; for example, if you were applying for McDonald's, you could mention a time when you came up with a catchy phrase/meme/slogan/etc., that seemed like good, fun advertising for the business, such as «Gee, this wouldn't have happened, if I'd have just had my McChicken sandwich!»].

Example of BAD Answer: I need a job. I need money. Please help me pay my rent.

Do you have any experience working in this industry ?
Good Answer: Over the course of my life, I would say that I've done plenty of things that relate to the type of work done in this industry [then give specific examples; for example, if you're applying for a data-entry position, spending lots of time re-organising and transcribing documents at home counts towards experience in the industry (you can also mention cross-over skills from previous jobs where you may have worked)].
Bad Answer: What industry again was I applying for ?

Why should we hire you ?
Good Answer Example: For as far as I can tell, I exceed the minimum-requirements that you need to fulfill this job-position, and I already have plenty of experience carrying out your needed job-functions, so I'm much less likely to make as many costly errors/business-mistakes as someone else who may be less experienced. Plus, I also have another scheduled interview lined up, so I must be a popular prospect amongst potential employers, so it may be better to hire me before any of the other potential companies decide to snatch up my skills for themselves, no pressure on you of course (the last part of this sentence should be said in a playful manner).
Bad Answer: Because I need a job.

I have done it successfully, and so can you, but you NEED to get the job-interview experience.
To help you out, try doing a search for common job-interview questions, and prepare yourself accordingly.

Instead of trying to appear normal, how about finding something that matches a special interest of yours? Worked for me.

Ahw I feel so sorry for you.

The secret is preparation

1. Read advises, interview questions and answers, watch plenty videos on youtube, videos on body language as well, observe the candidate… Do that a lot, read all you can find.

2. Prepare your interview answers, your cover letters, perfect your CV

3. Rehearse your interview many times from the moment you knock at the door, rehearse questions and answers... until the interview becomes another rehearsal because to any question, you already answered 10 times perfectly.

I think autists just need to rehearse more than others because this exercise is more difficult for autists.

Try again and again.
Stay yourself, the best of yourself and they will hire the You, not a fake you, honesty is your allie.
If you were fired, you can find the good ways to present it.

Good luck, and keep on

I’m a student and I didn’t get an internship on my first interview and was discouraged but then I applied to another one and got it. Maybe see each interview as good practice whether you get it or not. If you don’t get the job you can also ask the interviewer if there is something you could improve for future interviews.

I have the same mentality of feeling like I have to “act normal” in order to be good enough. I think that mindset right off the bat gives us an inferiority complex that can set us up for failure. It makes us believe that there is something wrong with us and that we are not enough. I struggle to get rid of that mindset, but when I’m able to push it aside, I feel more confident.

Before my interviews I:

-Studied the company a lot.

-Wrote down potential questions and answers to their questions. I then rehearsed these answers a lot.

-Wrote down questions to ask at the end to seem more interested. (I usually ask 3-4)

-Rehearsed mock interviews with my college advisor and family members who would ask me potential questions. They’d give me feedback like to smile more, make more eye contact, or have better posture.

-Watched youtube videos of mock interviews to observe posture, eye contact, amount of speaking, etc. Maybe search for a mock interview example relating to your work field.

-Made sure to have good email etiquette like sending a thank you email after.


Once I got the job, I try to be friendly by:

-Saying good morning and how are you to people I walk by when I enter. I say have a nice day/weekend at the end of the day.

-Acting interested in people like asking what they did over the weekend. Or if someone mentions their kids or a pet or whatever I’ll ask about them. I’ll also sometimes complement what someone is wearing to be nice. People love talking about themselves so I tend to focus on them more in the conversation. But it’s sometimes a challenge to figure out when someone is in a chit chat mood or not.

-I be sure to use etiquette and say please & thank you a lot. I make sure to be friendly to my boss and occasionally ask feedback like if there’s anything I could improve.

Some great suggestions in this thread. Being interviewed is a complex but learnable skill, much like driving a car. Just keep trying, and figure out what you are doing wrong each time you fail. Eventually, you succeed.

Remember that managers, middle management etc. are scum and you are above them. When you are applying at Jimmy Johns or any entry level position that interviewer is actually 60 and will die in 15 years having accomplished nothing.

This attitude helps me keep a sense of perspective when dealing with normies of lesser intelligence.

Three things
1. Get all your projects together and make sure you talk to other people who don't work in HR but people who work in IT and give them your portfolio and possibly invite them for coffee and talk about your ideas
2. Work on your social skills. www.improvemysocialskills.com
3. Look for positive affirmations

Can't tell if you are being ironic or what, but considering your interviewer as "scum" who will "die in 15 years having accomplished nothing" pretty much guarantees that you won't establish any rapport or get a job offer.

You are close and you are right to go into IT.

I started out as a programmer a few decades ago and often came across as weird and not quite right. I would force eye contact, smile and make inappropriate small talk.

Now, I run several teams of developers globally and can 85% pass as normal if I put the effort in.

To get there, simply stay the course. The more practice you get the better.

For instance. The eye contact script is adaptable, if you are in a small talk situation then eye contact should be fleeting and nose contact predominant. If you are talking 1 on 1 with someone then eye contact should be longer, but no longer than 5 seconds or the duration of your sentence. And keep your sentences should, don't monologue.

The small talk script is a pick and mix, I pick from the news, hobbies, the weather. Or something from the environment or situation. Often it's a case of repeating the same phrases to different people.

The smile script is simpler, wear it a lot, more so that eye contact. Don't "drop" the smile to quickly, if NTs see it then they think you are faking it. You are, but they don't need to know that

The key thing to break through is to introduce something genuine. That will stop the whole act looking artificial. The genuine aspects can be a) a part of you that actually is interested in the subject (news or weather) or b) a part of them that is actually interesting (if you can find anything). If you mix in a bit of "genuinely interested in a news article" or "genuinely interested in a bit of the person, or maybe just 'less bored'", then that pushes you over the edge into acceptable over psycho aspie to run from.

"are you alright?" can be a greeting, you can say "I'm good, how are you?" or even better for an interview "I'm a bit nervous" this will give the interviewer a chance to reassure you "don't be nervous" and you to thank them. You could even make a joke of it "I'm far better with computers than interviews!" practice facial expressions in the mirror is good. Then steer the conversation onto what you can do, tell them things about the job and how you would do it, what you can do for their company. The more interviews you have the better you will get at them. Good luck.

That's brilliant. NTs really like seeing weakness and feeling like they are coming to the rescue. I rarely show or share weakness and this gets interpreted as cold or standoffish. But to say you are nervous and let the interviewers reassure you, will make them happy and feel like you are bonding with them on an emotional level. Really good idea.

Even in a job i have trouble communicating my problems to other people or making small talk, occasionally garnering a response like "you're very quiet" or come across as shy when I don't mean to, but its the way i've been brought up rather than any mental condition i might have. I see other people like my work colleagues who aren't socially active and i don't see much of a complaint in their area, must be me being young with the pressure of whats socially acceptable in millennials as opposed to those who are not.

Recently was asked why my days off work are boring, they assumed I had a girlfriend or friends to hang out with to take days out or whatever, and said i'm not that kind of person and they just shrugged it off and not sure if they are going to spread rumours about me not having a girlfriend or whatever suggesting things like "oh he's just a guy who wants his alone time" or suggesting he find me someone to fill the void in my life. I personally just want to wait and preferably not be the one to ask someone out but rather them ask me.