How to approach complete strangers

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Bataar
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12 Sep 2018, 2:26 pm

How do you approach a complete stranger? I've decided I'm not too shy, I just have no idea what to say. Here's how my thought process works.

I see a woman I find attractive. Beyond that, I know absolutely nothing about her. I have no valid/legitimate reason to talk to her other than the fact I find her attractive. I have no idea what her interests are so I have no idea what to even talk to her about. There are no women at all in my social circle so I have no opportunities to get to know someone over time. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm ever going to meet someone, it's going to have to be a spur of the moment type thing, but I have no idea how to proceed there.



SilverStar
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12 Sep 2018, 9:18 pm

Ask her for directions, ask where the best place to eat is, ask her what time it is...you know, stuff like that.



Bataar
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14 Sep 2018, 9:53 am

SilverStar wrote:
Ask her for directions, ask where the best place to eat is, ask her what time it is...you know, stuff like that.

I'm not arguing, just hoping you can expand on that.

Then what? How do you go from pretending like you need directions somewhere to getting her contact information to ask her out? The way my brain works, I ask her for directions, she gives them to me, the conversation is done. Absolutely no need to continue. I'm trying to figure out how to work around that. :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Sep 2018, 3:08 am

Just don’t.

This doesn’t work, no one does it.



Raleigh
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15 Sep 2018, 3:58 am

I talk to strangers wherever I go.
Haven't been killed yet.

Anyway, I just say whatever to start a conversation.
For example:
I was at the grocery store today and I noticed the woman behind me had Brie in her basket.
I said, "That brie's nice, have you had it before?"
And she was like, "Oh, yes, I buy it all the time! Sometimes I even eat the whole thing at once."
"With wine, I hope."
"Of course."
"Do you prefer a red or a white?"
And so on...

I find it easier to pick something situational, and see where the conversation goes.
you can usually tell if they're receptive or not by the way they respond.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Sep 2018, 4:40 am

You talk to strangers for a certain purpose ie. asking for directions.

But it is stupid to believe that it works for making friends or dating.



Raleigh
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15 Sep 2018, 4:54 am

Guy was walking his dog.
Dog came over to me, I patted it.
I commented on the dog and asked if he (the guy) was a local.
He told me his story, mentioned he was into gardening, we discussed plants, I ended up going to his place to view his garden.
We’re now friends.
He could have been a serial killer, I suppose, but he wasn’t.


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HighLlama
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15 Sep 2018, 5:05 am

Bataar wrote:
How do you approach a complete stranger? I've decided I'm not too shy, I just have no idea what to say. Here's how my thought process works.

I see a woman I find attractive. Beyond that, I know absolutely nothing about her. I have no valid/legitimate reason to talk to her other than the fact I find her attractive. I have no idea what her interests are so I have no idea what to even talk to her about. There are no women at all in my social circle so I have no opportunities to get to know someone over time. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm ever going to meet someone, it's going to have to be a spur of the moment type thing, but I have no idea how to proceed there.


Isn't the idea to talk to them to find out what those interests are, etc.? I would start with something situational, like Raleigh said. People like to talk, so ask them simple questions. Let them do most of the talking.



Chronos
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15 Sep 2018, 7:51 am

Bataar wrote:
How do you approach a complete stranger? I've decided I'm not too shy, I just have no idea what to say. Here's how my thought process works.

I see a woman I find attractive. Beyond that, I know absolutely nothing about her. I have no valid/legitimate reason to talk to her other than the fact I find her attractive. I have no idea what her interests are so I have no idea what to even talk to her about. There are no women at all in my social circle so I have no opportunities to get to know someone over time. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm ever going to meet someone, it's going to have to be a spur of the moment type thing, but I have no idea how to proceed there.


First be aware that approaching strange women on the street, or "cold approaching" as it is called, has the highest failure rate. There are a number of reasons for this...

1. She is probably busy trying to get her errands done.

2. She may not be available or interested in a relationship at all.

3. You are a complete stranger and thus are considered high risk with respect to her safety.

That being said, there are some things you can do to increase your odds of success.

1. Choosing: Women who are walking quickly or seem in a rush probably are and likely don't care to have their day interrupted. Women who are sedentary, sitting or standing staring at something may be more receptive to small talk or being approached.

2. The approach: Approach from a direction she can reasonably see you from even if she has not looked at you, and from which you can reasonably see any non verbal cues she might be displaying. Avoid approaching from behind. You cannot see her non verbal cues from such an angle and will give her an unappreciated surprise.

3. Don't be intrusive: You are a stranger who could be a stalker or harm her in some way so don't ask questions that make her feel insecure or like she is ceding control of her safety to you. Don't ask for her number. Give her yours. Don't ask where she lives or works or if she is in the area a lot. That information will come along later if she is interested in a relationship with you. Try to keep topics of conversation neutral and peppered with infirmation about yourself and unintrusive questions, the answers to which do not compromise her safety if you were a stalker.

4. Know if she is not interested: Women will smile and be friendly when they are not interested. This is how society conditions girls and women to act, and many oblige as a matter of safety. As such, it is not a good indicator that she is interested in you. Women who are interested will often make more effort to carry a conversation. Women who are not interested will often give terse replies or answers and look up and away as if distracted or looking for soneone or back to the task they were doing. However, looking away in itself is not always a sign of lack of interest. Some women are merely shy and will look down at their hands or feet frequently when people talk to them or look at them. If you are unsure if she is shy or just not interested, you can always end the conversation by giving her your number and asking her to call you some time or inviting her for tea/coffee and see what happens.

5. People looking at their phone assumptions: Some people look at their phones because they are busy or don't want to be bothered, and some people look at their phones because they are bored and have nothing better to do or are social media addicts. You won't know until you actually approach them so unless it can be easily discerned that they are indeed busy or don't want to be bothered (for example, they are wearing head phones), don't let their gaze at their phone in itself deter you.

6. Your priorities: Cold approaching, with it's high failure rate, is not a method for the shy, timid, easily dejected, or person in or near a bad emotional place. It is a past time for people who just like to socialize and can brush off rejection in seconds and happily move on to the next potential social hookup.



modernmax
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15 Sep 2018, 10:14 am

Walk around with a pipe, pretend to smoke, wait til asks about it, they'll probably want some, be nice and give them some. Then they'll be in a talkative mood.


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rdos
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15 Sep 2018, 1:29 pm

Some places are better than others. For instance, if they are sitting in a park, or at a cafe, they are more likely to be interested in flirting. Sit down at a suitable place and try to get their attention with eye contact. Don't go up and talk, it will not be appreciated by shy NDs (which is probably the ones you want to focus on). The first meeting will never lead anywhere, so it is essential that you can do it again with the same girl.

Notice that this is not a high-rejection thing. There is no rejection in flirting. Either a girl is up to it or she is not. Therefore, this can be pursued even if you cannot handle rejection.



rdos
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15 Sep 2018, 1:42 pm

Chronos wrote:
6. Your priorities: Cold approaching, with it's high failure rate, is not a method for the shy, timid, easily dejected, or person in or near a bad emotional place. It is a past time for people who just like to socialize and can brush off rejection in seconds and happily move on to the next potential social hookup.


Sure, if you do it with talking, but it's a pretty good method for shy guys if they do it with flirting only, and don't go up and try to start a conversation. That's pretty close to the natural ND courtship, and so should work for NDs. The main issue is that it is useless unless you can repeat it.



Prometheus18
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15 Sep 2018, 2:09 pm

First of all, you have to make sure they're not too busy, or you'll just be ignored. Second, make sure they're not the type of troglodyte who permanently wears earplugs; they'll use this as an excuse to ignore you, even if they can hear you perfectly well - particularly millennials who, with almost no exceptions, never learned any manners growing up.

Once those two conditions are met, find some sort of common ground (if the two of you are in a book shop for instance, comment on her choice of subject matter). Take it from there.