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RetroGamer87
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18 Sep 2018, 1:09 am

Men don't know how they are what?


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hurtloam
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18 Sep 2018, 1:21 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Men don't know how they are what?


How their interest and flirting can be taken as an indication that they fancy you.



SabbraCadabra
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18 Sep 2018, 5:19 am

hurtloam wrote:
Also... I've met someone else... not quite given up just yet... and the saga continues.

=)


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Benjamin the Donkey
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18 Sep 2018, 6:29 am

hurtloam wrote:
Said my friend.

Really? They're just going round deliberately flirting with me oblivious to the fact that they are sending me signals of interest. And I'm in the wrong for interpreting signals of interest as... wait for it... actual f*****g interest.


They can't be oblivious to it if they're doing it deliberately.


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hurtloam
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18 Sep 2018, 6:44 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Said my friend.

Really? They're just going round deliberately flirting with me oblivious to the fact that they are sending me signals of interest. And I'm in the wrong for interpreting signals of interest as... wait for it... actual f*****g interest.


They can't be oblivious to it if they're doing it deliberately.


Exactly my point.



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18 Sep 2018, 8:29 am

hurtloam wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
They can't be oblivious to it if they're doing it deliberately.
Exactly my point.
However, they CAN be oblivious if it's just their way of relating to other people.


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BTDT
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18 Sep 2018, 8:46 am

Yes, folks on the autism spectrum will sometimes do social things that are just wrong. In other words, they do things deliberately, but because they are faking it or following a "script," they are clueless as to to the consequences of what they are doing. Or maybe they only learned part of it, and hope to learn the rest of it later.



kraftiekortie
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18 Sep 2018, 8:50 am

If I'm flirting with a woman, it's always because I do fancy her in some way.

Knowing specific circumstances, most times, prevents the flirting from reaching beyond the casual stage.

I'm in a library environment with lots of attractive Library Ladies (I've always been attracted to that type). Here, I must restrain my desires, be civilized, never go beyond the quaint and subtle.



Benjamin the Donkey
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22 Sep 2018, 10:54 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If I'm flirting with a woman, it's always because I do fancy her in some way.

Knowing specific circumstances, most times, prevents the flirting from reaching beyond the casual stage.

I'm in a library environment with lots of attractive Library Ladies (I've always been attracted to that type). Here, I must restrain my desires, be civilized, never go beyond the quaint and subtle.


"Attractive library ladies" sounds like the ultimate erotic fantasy to me.


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ezbzbfcg2
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22 Sep 2018, 2:18 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Said my friend.

Really? They're just going round deliberately flirting with me oblivious to the fact that they are sending me signals of interest. And I'm in the wrong for interpreting signals of interest as... wait for it... actual f*****g interest.


They can't be oblivious to it if they're doing it deliberately.


Exactly my point.


Are you talking AS men or NT men? Neurotype is a factor here, and I'd presume the vast majority of men you're talking about are neurotypical.



hurtloam
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22 Sep 2018, 2:25 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Said my friend.

Really? They're just going round deliberately flirting with me oblivious to the fact that they are sending me signals of interest. And I'm in the wrong for interpreting signals of interest as... wait for it... actual f*****g interest.


They can't be oblivious to it if they're doing it deliberately.


Exactly my point.


Are you talking AS men or NT men? Neurotype is a factor here, and I'd presume the vast majority of men you're talking about are neurotypical.


My friend meant NTs I guess. She doesn't know what NT and AS are.



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22 Sep 2018, 3:13 pm

In this thread it seems that flirting is the way men relate to women

Yes, men will sometimes do such things
Yes, even deliberately
But why, that's the question
because it is their way of doing things? (Fnord)
because they're following a "script"? (BTDT)
why not just because they saw beauty in a woman?

I am damned with this autism spectrum-something
But fotunately I am not blind for good looks



rdos
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23 Sep 2018, 1:46 pm

Grischa wrote:
In this thread it seems that flirting is the way men relate to women

Yes, men will sometimes do such things
Yes, even deliberately
But why, that's the question
because it is their way of doing things? (Fnord)
because they're following a "script"? (BTDT)
why not just because they saw beauty in a woman?


Because it is fun. It's not a script, rather something I do naturally. I wouldn't find flirting the "NT way" pleasurable at all, so I do it the natural way, but without looking too much.



hurtloam
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23 Sep 2018, 1:54 pm

rdos wrote:
Grischa wrote:
In this thread it seems that flirting is the way men relate to women

Yes, men will sometimes do such things
Yes, even deliberately
But why, that's the question
because it is their way of doing things? (Fnord)
because they're following a "script"? (BTDT)
why not just because they saw beauty in a woman?


Because it is fun. It's not a script, rather something I do naturally. I wouldn't find flirting the "NT way" pleasurable at all, so I do it the natural way, but without looking too much.


That's a good point. People do it because it's fun.

My point is that you've got to be careful and make sure that if you're only doing it for fun that the other person is on board with that. If they really do have feelings for you then they will take it as a signal that you are interested in them in the same way.



rdos
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23 Sep 2018, 3:33 pm

hurtloam wrote:
My point is that you've got to be careful and make sure that if you're only doing it for fun that the other person is on board with that. If they really do have feelings for you then they will take it as a signal that you are interested in them in the same way.


I know. I did encourage somebody once that I knew was interested, and I regret that a lot retrospectively. OTOH, she knew I selected another girl, and so she should have moved on instead of continuing to flirt with me. But, yes, I know what you mean.