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Gallia
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14 Sep 2018, 2:21 pm

I often complain that I'm lonely and haven't got many friends but lately I am realising how lucky it is to have the opportunity to be alone!

If you think about it, solitude is becoming more and more difficult to achieve as our daily lives become more connected and cluttered in more densely populated geographical spaces (most people live in urban settings), internet and social media. basically our mental and physical world is more connected than ever but connection doesnt always entail something positive or healthy.


I'm lucky in that I thrive from loneliness. Also, I am lucky that once I find graduate employment I'll have the money to leave civilisations whenever I please and shut myself in a cabin somewhere. That's modern privilege if you ask me.

also, in terms of my aspie traits, I enjoy being by myself fully immersed in a hobby. That's when I feel most happy/ comfortable. To be happy spending time alone is a healthy trait in this day and age....


feel free to disagree.


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Magna
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14 Sep 2018, 3:57 pm

You're not alone. I absolutely understand where you're coming from.

When I reflect back on my life my happiest times in general from childhood onward have been in solitude. Exploring, discovering and living life by myself. I say "in general", because I have had relationships, including those with my current spouse and family, that I value and are meaningful to me.

Unfortunately I can periodically fall into a trap of idealizing the halcyon days of my past and setting those times as a kind of standard to contrast my current life against.

I was happiest as a child when I was alone.
I was happiest as a young adult when I was alone.

When times are stressful or relationships are strained I can be ensnared in longing for earlier solitary times in my life. I usually regain perspective when I tell myself: "Be careful what you wish for....."


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"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

Max Jerry Horowitz: "P.S. Do not worry about not smiling. My mouth hardly ever smiles. But it does not mean I am not smiling inside my brain."

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


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15 Sep 2018, 9:20 am

I was alone for much of my life, and didn't like it, because I thought nobody wanted to be with me and I was very late in getting a driver's license. I saw my life slipping away from me. I like being social and being able to take myself to activities related to my interests. I am happy when I get home safely from my activities. I think downtime after a full day of activities is good. Self-imposed isolation is not.



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15 Sep 2018, 10:32 am

I have a house with lots of flowering plants. It is nice and quiet in the back yard. Not so much in the front yard, as everyone wants to complement me on how good they look.



Burgatron81
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15 Sep 2018, 10:46 am

I find myself craving complete alone time.
Having to keep the mask on 24/7, week in, week out, is positively exhausting. Grown adults might be able to wrap their minds around this idea, but children and livestock, maybe notso... I need a holiday, and at least a good solid 18 months of catchup sleep.


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pete413
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15 Sep 2018, 10:50 am

You have to be kidding, it's a curse to be alone, trapped in one's mind all the time. yeah, it's fun and all at 24, but decades later, everyone just assumes you want to be 100% alone, and you realize you have NOBODY, NOTHING in life, and it is nothing BUT the hell of solitude.

You're young you don't understand, yet. But entropy will take over and life will just suck. Most of us end up old and alone.

And the internet is no substitute for REAL face to face interaction. This "connected" society is really disconnecting us. More and more of us, isolated, alone, miserable,teased by this ILLUSION of social contact.



pete413
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15 Sep 2018, 10:54 am

Burgatron81 wrote:
I find myself craving complete alone time.
Having to keep the mask on 24/7, week in, week out, is positively exhausting. Grown adults might be able to wrap their minds around this idea, but children and livestock, maybe notso... I need a holiday, and at least a good solid 18 months of catchup sleep.


yeah, because if people do not wear that 'happy mask, nobody will want to associate with them and they will be exiled, outcast, isolated, punished by being kept alone, why, because I can't act, I can't play that stupid "happy game" others (even other autistics) can play.

Society is cruel, and if you do not play their "happy, happy" mask game, they will shun you.

Then you will learn to loathe solitude.



Burgatron81
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15 Sep 2018, 1:14 pm

I wasn’t diagnosed until 35 years of age. I spent a great deal of my life mastering the mask. While I admit it’s a construct, and a contrived one at that, it isn’t especially happy all of the time. There are times the burg traits show, and are actively pointed out - much to my chagrin. That and many of my passions, or as others put it ‘obsessions’ are put away because there simply isn’t the time to indulge them, not the shared interest to discuss them. It pains me not to do the things I love, but I substitute for productivity and try to content myself in that. The stimming is something I simply cannot prevent myself from doing, so I keep my hands as busy as possible. If I haven’t time to twiddle I don’t need to sit on my hands. I sleep but rarely, and when I do, I’m told I fidget none stop.


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Prometheus18
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15 Sep 2018, 5:26 pm

I agree. I can remember in English class many years ago, we were having a debate about the ethics of solitary confinement; Everybody was raving about how insufferable it would be, I just couldn't understand how people could view something so pleasant, so beautiful as a punishment!

Every since I was a young child my dream has always been to just buy a log cabin deep in a forest, a few acres of land around it and live the free, solitary life.


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15 Sep 2018, 5:35 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
I agree. I can remember in English class many years ago, we were having a debate about the ethics of solitary confinement; Everybody was raving about how insufferable it would be, I just couldn't understand how people could view something so pleasant, so beautiful as a punishment!

Every since I was a young child my dream has always been to just buy a log cabin deep in a forest, a few acres of land around it and live the free, solitary life.


I don't get that either about solitary confinement being regarded as a stronger punishment than normal lock up which I would think would be a four senses (hopefully not taste!) overload. Solitary: your own toilet, bed, perhaps a few books to read, paper and a pencil. I'd take it over the other any day of the week.

Have you watched Life Below Zero on Netflix? Sue Aikins lives by herself the majority of the year a short distance from the Arctic Ocean. I would have no problem living like she does. I think she's almost assuredly Aspie as well.


_________________
"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

Max Jerry Horowitz: "P.S. Do not worry about not smiling. My mouth hardly ever smiles. But it does not mean I am not smiling inside my brain."

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Prometheus18
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15 Sep 2018, 5:50 pm

Magna wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I agree. I can remember in English class many years ago, we were having a debate about the ethics of solitary confinement; Everybody was raving about how insufferable it would be, I just couldn't understand how people could view something so pleasant, so beautiful as a punishment!

Every since I was a young child my dream has always been to just buy a log cabin deep in a forest, a few acres of land around it and live the free, solitary life.


I don't get that either about solitary confinement being regarded as a stronger punishment than normal lock up which I would think would be a four senses (hopefully not taste!) overload. Solitary: your own toilet, bed, perhaps a few books to read, paper and a pencil. I'd take it over the other any day of the week.

Have you watched Life Below Zero on Netflix? Sue Aikins lives by herself the majority of the year a short distance from the Arctic Ocean. I would have no problem living like she does. I think she's almost assuredly Aspie as well.


I avoid Netflix like the plague, precisely because it stands for the present, overly social world that I despise. I caught a documentary series recently, however, called "Mountain Men", about men in North America who live off the fat of the land in more or less isolation. That's what the kind of lifestyle I yearn for. And yet, it seems all but impossible any longer in our miserable, overly connected world.

The only exception I make in my love of solitude is, as my avatar suggests, my love of dogs. I think these beautiful creatures are man's only consolation for his tortured state - and yet we repay their love and affection for us by cutting off their testicles, tying nooses around their necks and sticking metal chips under their skin; I think this is the greatest indictment of man to date. We really do not deserve dogs.


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- Sartre

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

Das Glück gehört denen, die sich selbst genügen. Denn alle äußeren Quellen des Glückes und Genusses sind, ihrer Natur nach, höchst unsicher, misslich, vergänglich und dem Zufall unterworfen.
- Arthur Schopenhauer


pete413
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16 Sep 2018, 11:03 am

Prometheus18 wrote:
I agree. I can remember in English class many years ago, we were having a debate about the ethics of solitary confinement; Everybody was raving about how insufferable it would be, I just couldn't understand how people could view something so pleasant, so beautiful as a punishment!

Every since I was a young child my dream has always been to just buy a log cabin deep in a forest, a few acres of land around it and live the free, solitary life.


I had felt the same way years ago. But time wears on that goes away, And one gets 'typecast' as a loner, then one day, you are pushing 50, and realize that you have nobody in your life, no social skills, and no way of gaining a social life. Age has made many of my solitary activities less fun, and depression has taken the fun out of the rest of it. Now I'm so miserable, nobody wants to be around me or talk to me. Society kills off the miserable by isolating them.

I just need a few people in my life. People with jobs take that minimal contact for granted. I don't even have enough of a social life to get a job. a bad back keeps me from working.

Don't worry kid. What you enjoy now will turn on you and start to suck.

The autistic obsession with solitude comes back to bite you in the A** ..... We humans NEED people, even autistics.



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16 Sep 2018, 11:18 am

pete413 wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I agree. I can remember in English class many years ago, we were having a debate about the ethics of solitary confinement; Everybody was raving about how insufferable it would be, I just couldn't understand how people could view something so pleasant, so beautiful as a punishment!

Every since I was a young child my dream has always been to just buy a log cabin deep in a forest, a few acres of land around it and live the free, solitary life.


I had felt the same way years ago. But time wears on that goes away, And one gets 'typecast' as a loner, then one day, you are pushing 50, and realize that you have nobody in your life, no social skills, and no way of gaining a social life. Age has made many of my solitary activities less fun, and depression has taken the fun out of the rest of it. Now I'm so miserable, nobody wants to be around me or talk to me. Society kills off the miserable by isolating them.

I just need a few people in my life. People with jobs take that minimal contact for granted. I don't even have enough of a social life to get a job. a bad back keeps me from working.

Don't worry kid. What you enjoy now will turn on you and start to suck.

The autistic obsession with solitude comes back to bite you in the A** ..... We humans NEED people, even autistics.


You're obviously an exception, but I think the general trend is that the older one gets, the MORE tolerable solitude becomes. I suppose this is because, among other things, the sex instinct weakens (meaning that one no longer needs contact with the opposite sex), and the simple possibility of establishing new relationships starts to disappear (everyone who shares one's age will already have established full social networks and not be interested in making new connections).


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L'enfer c'est les autres.
- Sartre

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

Das Glück gehört denen, die sich selbst genügen. Denn alle äußeren Quellen des Glückes und Genusses sind, ihrer Natur nach, höchst unsicher, misslich, vergänglich und dem Zufall unterworfen.
- Arthur Schopenhauer


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16 Sep 2018, 4:17 pm

Magna wrote:
When times are stressful or relationships are strained I can be ensnared in longing for earlier solitary times in my life. I usually regain perspective when I tell myself: "Be careful what you wish for....."



100% but it's also healthy to recognise that solitude is my source of sanity!! now that i have to socialise 9hrs + nearly everyday because of work I really long for those long hours watching anime, drinking tea and reading a good book :heart:


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16 Sep 2018, 4:38 pm

pete413 wrote:
The autistic obsession with solitude comes back to bite you in the A** ..... We humans NEED people, even autistics.


but I feel that I obsess with being with other people and then when im with other people I can only stand it for a few hours and seek my solitary ways more. most of the time, I can't be as creative around people but there are exceptions :)


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