Groomed online as a kid? Easy target? Trigger warning.

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Olivia_H
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16 Sep 2018, 2:04 pm

I was groomed several times as a kid/teen online by what I now know are pedophiles. Looking back, I feel like I was an extremely easy target. Logging into chat-rooms as a 12-15 year old desperately trying to find someone who was like me lead me into the hands of these people.
I didn't know I was autistic at the time which is why the search was unsuccessful as I had no topic to search, I just thought I was dumb and the fact that my mother was trying to feed me "IQ enhancing pills" at the time didn't make me feel very normal, in fact it made me feel extremely dumb.

I was an exceedingly mentally underdeveloped kid, when I was 14 I was about 9 in the head and my intelligence reflected that, hence my failings in school. I wasn't remotely on any kind of sexual wave-length mentally, though I did have hormones running through my system so I had somewhat of a primal drive but it wasn't very fine-tuned or conscious. Luckily these pedophiles didn't ever make it into physical contact with me, however their influence online was more than enough to wreak havoc on my (slowly) developing young autistic mind. The world itself already made no sense to me, so to be thrown into ANOTHER (sexual) world that made no sense just confused me further. I remember asking one of these pedo's if it was weird for me, a 14 year old to be "hanging out" with a 30+ year old and he said no, and I believed him and he fully intended to meet me, however due to my tendency to have meltdowns and snap at people (especially as a teen) became more effort than it was worth for him so he sent me some death threats and disappeared. I have several similar experiences (around 3) with men like this, clearly I didn't learn from the first experience as it seemed to just keep happening.
I'm not haunted (much) from the experiences directly with the men, however their influence really affected my mental state in the sense that they made me extremely confused about what was right and what was wrong, which naturally lead to some situations I'm not willing to talk about on here.

Wondering if anyone else found themselves easy prey for pedo's as a kid? And if you think autism made you an easier target like I do.



naturalplastic
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16 Sep 2018, 2:16 pm

interesting story.

Grew up eons before the internet myself. Kinda glad I don't have kids now. Wouldn't know how to be a parent in this internet age. But I am sure that you're not the only autistic kids who was target. Lucky for you that guy got frustrated with your weirdness and got angry, and dropped you (even with him sending you a death threat). Better that than for you to go through with meeting him in person.



Olivia_H
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16 Sep 2018, 2:32 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
interesting story.

Grew up eons before the internet myself. Kinda glad I don't have kids now. Wouldn't know how to be a parent in this internet age. But I am sure that you're not the only autistic kids who was target. Lucky for you that guy got frustrated with your weirdness and got angry, and dropped you (even with him sending you a death threat). Better that than for you to go through with meeting him in person.


Yeah, you're right. Unfortunately he was only 1 of 3 or 4, I can't actually remember the exact number. I think my strange behaviour and the fact that I'm prone to meltdowns/shutdowns made it quite difficult for these people to translate their desires into physical life. Autism seems to have been a gift and a curse in this specific situation.



nick007
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16 Sep 2018, 4:52 pm

I didn't have the net till I graduated high-skewl in 2001. I think it's a very good thing I didn't have the net till then for lots of reasons including that I was(still am somewhat) very naive & very frustrated living with my parents & kind of wanted to run away from it all.
I think I've been on the other side of the grooming thing too thou. My 1st realtionship was when I was 20 with a 15 year-old I met on a forum who I really connected with & I never considered a realtionship with her till she told me she liked me. I was extremely protective of her but I was going through some mental stuff & really s#cked at trying to make a realtionship work especially long-distance. I think some of my behavior probably looked like grooming even thou that was NEVER my intent. I still feel guilty about things but I guess I always will. I just really hope she's a better person from it, is doing well with life & that I didn't really screw her up or anything.


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Olivia_H
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16 Sep 2018, 4:59 pm

nick007 wrote:
I didn't have the net till I graduated high-skewl in 2001. I think it's a very good thing I didn't have the net till then for lots of reasons including that I was(still am somewhat) very naive & very frustrated living with my parents & kind of wanted to run away from it all.
I think I've been on the other side of the grooming thing too thou. My 1st realtionship was when I was 20 with a 15 year-old I met on a forum who I really connected with & I never considered a realtionship with her till she told me she liked me. I was extremely protective of her but I was going through some mental stuff & really s#cked at trying to make a realtionship work especially long-distance. I think some of my behavior probably looked like grooming even thou that was NEVER my intent. I still feel guilty about things but I guess I always will. I just really hope she's a better person from it, is doing well with life & that I didn't really screw her up or anything.


I feel a lot of guilt about things that happened due to the influence of these pedophiles. None of the men were younger than 30 though. I think one of the major problems was the fact that I was (and still am) very emotionally/mentally slow or underdeveloped. It took me until 21 to even grasp the concept of a sexual relationship properly.



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17 Sep 2018, 11:36 am

I'm so sorry you had these experiences. These men seek easy targets, pure and still naive. Often lonely boys/girls who have mental problems that they can easily manipulate to do their bidding. It's monstrous.

Have talked with women/men who have experienced it and experienced it myself. My brother as well.

It has such an impact on your trust in people, the world in general.


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18 Sep 2018, 6:02 pm

I actually knew someone with autism who was a predator. He had a thing with aspies and urine and bathroom stuff and boobs and naked penises and p*****s. He did it to underage aspies too young as 11. He did it to all ages though. Sadly he is still on the loose and I was 17 when I gave him inappropriate photos of myself. I knew it was wrong and illegal but I did it anyway because he wanted them so badly. I hear rumors he only gets a slapped on the wrist for his behavior and he claims he stopped doing these things but occasionally I will still hear a warning about him in aspie groups so I know he is still at it.

All minors are vulnerable to predators. I knew someone online who used to pretend to be a minor in chatrooms and he always got creeps and he would always block them. It's amazing how many of them are out there and there are pedophile hunters out there and they have done TV shows about it too.


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18 Sep 2018, 7:04 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I actually knew someone with autism who was a predator. He had a thing with aspies and urine and bathroom stuff and boobs and naked penises and p*****s. He did it to underage aspies too young as 11. He did it to all ages though. Sadly he is still on the loose and I was 17 when I gave him inappropriate photos of myself. I knew it was wrong and illegal but I did it anyway because he wanted them so badly. I hear rumors he only gets a slapped on the wrist for his behavior and he claims he stopped doing these things but occasionally I will still hear a warning about him in aspie groups so I know he is still at it.

I'm sorry you had to go through that :(


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MjrMajorMajor
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19 Sep 2018, 2:20 am

In my own experience, I can see how vulnerable and naive I was early on. I was fairly lucky in all, and my heart breaks for others in the same, or worse situations.



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22 Sep 2018, 8:12 am

I was actually fortunate to have no run into this problem because even though I did use chatrooms I really didn't get into that life until I was about 19. Furthermore even though I used forums that would often time contain chatrooms I was very private about my information. I never put my age or where I lived at or anything like that. I was actually lucky to have run into people who were seemingly the same age as myself.



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23 Sep 2018, 11:28 am

I can give you a funny story of someone trying to groom online.

I was in a chat room about 16-17 years ago. I was 15 at the time this person requested a ‘private chat’ with me so I answered.

In the chat room I used my real name which is a unisex name. He thought I was girl and started coming up with flirtatious comments. I broke the news to him that I am not a girl straight away.

He left the chat room very quickly. Shows there are predators out there who are very sick.