Why do people like people?

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One of my coworkers is one of the most obnoxious people I've ever met. He whistles when everyone's trying to work, clicks his pen nonstop, plays his music too loud, and chews with his mouth open with plenty of disgusting smacky sounds. He's rude to everyone around him, jumping down their throats if they disagree with him even slightly. But the weird things is, EVERYONE LOVES HIM. Everyone comes to his desk to chat with him, they bring him their leftovers, they ask him to hang out on breaks, and... I just don't get it! I can't even blame it on his good looks, because he has none! I might not be NT, but I thought I understood them better than this.

I like different people for different reasons. The friends I have been closest to over the decades had these qualities which I came for love and admire:

Mary - character values, absolute integrity, great insight and mentor skills, brilliant policy analyst
Diana - generosity, great cook, sense of humour, honest to a fault
Geoff - always intuitively knew who was quietly suffering and knew how to encourage and support someone's strengths to heal their damaged confidence. Best boss ever. He seemed to have a doctorate in encouragement that brought out the best in every life he cared for. Great mentor, listener, and never said a mean thing to or about anyone. Encouraged everyone to be their own best.
Philip - clever, funny, perceptive, great judge of character, a man of few words but many thoughts, shared only with a very few
Lynley - my beloved (and only) close friend at school. Her lovely nature, sense of humour, and love for me kept me sane in the vile school years of my youth

As for annoying features - I think we are all likely to have some feature that will be annoying to someone. It's because people are different. Quiet people can annoy loud people, and vice versa. So you have to allow for personal differences to some extent. The world would be awful if we were all identical.

Fair enough, but this guy displays no redeeming qualities that I can see. He's good at his job, but that shouldn't have everyone fawning over him the way they are. He's rude, openly hostile, and a complete hypocrite. If you ask him to stop doing any of those annoying things he'll tell you to get over it. But if you bring something to your desk and he doesn't like how it smells (food, lotion, etc) he'll threaten to take it from you and throw it away if you don't get rid of it right that second.

But everyone can't get enough of him.

Why don't you ask them about his positive qualities then? They seem better placed than you to see what these are, as they show their appreciation in positive actions. You say he is good at his job, so isn't that a positive quality?

I stopped wanting to get to know him when we had an office potluck and he threatened to dump the pot roast I'd made in the trash if I set it anywhere near what he brought because he thought it would make it smell like onions.

Perhaps you could learn some assertiveness skills to help you respond to incidents of that kind instead of doing nothing.

Honestly, if I were in that position, I would have simply taken the roast and just outright dumped it on whatever bloody thing he brought. In a way it might be a waste, but at the same time... it'd be soooooo satisfying.

And when it comes to eating smelly things (or stuff he considers smelly)? The response would be: Take a bite. Get up, VERY SLOWLY, get real close.... and chew slowly. Breathe at him alot. And then sit down and go back to eating.

I dunno about you, but I have very little patience for that level of jackassery for someone. If someone is going to be that much of a snotball, I'm just going to reflect it right back at them. Often, they cant take too much of it. Bullies never can.


This guy sounds like an absolute crapsack. Amazes me, really, how some people never truly grow up, and continue to act like bratty, misbehaving toddlers even as adults.

He must have some kind of charisma that draws people to him.

Some people take guys who act like big obnoxious jerks as being some kind of "alpha male".

Me personally I can't stand people like that. I prefer people who are honest but also kind and compassionate.

He's definitely not an alpha male. If he was an alpha male, I would understand it. Someone I worked with years ago was a complete jerk, but he got away with it because he was an alpha male. This guy is more of a spoiled manchild, which is why I'm so confused. I actually think he has aspergers like me, though he'll never admit it. The difference is that while I go out of my way not to let my disability bother or inconvenience people as much as possible, he's taken the "I'm disabled so screw you" mindset.

Well speaking as an Aspie manchild myself maybe they pity him but they see you as somebody who can handle himself? I know a lot of people seem to pity me because I still act very child-like and I admit that I sometimes use that to my advantage.

But since you are able to not let your condition affect other people I think you should be proud of that. That shows real strength of character and that you don't allow your disability to hold you back. I honestly wish I could be more like that.

Oh, I still have my moments. Today I got chewed out by my boss for asking a different coworker to turn her music down. Thing is, before I gripe I always ask myself if it's "normal" for me to be annoyed by it. Am I being selfish like the guy who sits next to me, or am I justified? In this case, I figured since she sits twenty feet away and I could still hear the lyrics, it was her, not me. Apparently I was wrong, but oh well...

I have someone like this at work too. It gets frustrating the way everybody worships her even though she has emotional issues, is always ranting or complaining, and is even rather immature (she often acts like a 15-year-old highschooler). But the reason why everybody loves her so much is because she is loud. She quickly knows the right responses, is very expressive, can talk to anybody, and just takes over the whole workplace. So I suppose she will get attention because I don't think the others have a choice but to give her all their attention.

Maybe they admire him because they secretly wish they could do/get away with the stuff he does

Growing up I didn't have many friends. I spent my time at primary school alone, never mixing with the other children if I could help it. At secondary school things changed, it was a bigger school and it was hard to be alone. I saw a couple of people who shouted a lot, made themselves noticed. One boy was called Steven Devoun and he was the joker of my year, always showing off and getting in to trouble. I liked him though because he wasn't mean, he just enjoyed making a fool of himself. I liked him because he made me smile A girl called Lily in my class detested him.

A girl called Sena spoke to me out of the blue on my second week there. I'd been standing outside alone when she came over, straight away my stomach tightened and I felt myself getting more and more anxious. Sena was a very pretty girl and I had a feeling she was going to bully me - my typical negative thinking was wrong! Sena was actually the nicest person I would ever know. That day she asked me if i was ok because she'd seen me by myself. She offered me to sit with her and her friend Lucy. I was nervous but I agreed.

I liked Sena because she was really friendly, caring and thoughtful. When I eventually told her about my Autism she was so understanding, more understanding than my grandparents would ever be. She liked me for being me and didn't expect me to try and act differently. I became friends with Lucy as well who was also a really nice person.
In the end I was able to talk openly to Sena about anything, and she was the same with me. I told her when I was feeling anxious and she helped me deal with it. We discussed crushes we had on boys and how boring maths was

We remained best of friends until she died. Even though she's gone now I still think of her as my very best friend and know that I'll be very lucky to ever find a friend like her again.

I don't make friends easily but if I like someone and know that they genuinely like me then I'll try to make friends. There were a lot of people at school who made fun of me, it was hard at first but in the end I just ignored them and was happy with the friends I'd made.

Reminds me of someone else I work with. She's not smart, she's not funny, but she's LOUD. You know Ursula from The Little Mermaid? It's like listening to her try to do office chat. "Oh, that's soooo adorable! BAAAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! !"

Kind of reminds me of the Simpsons episode Homer's Enemy.

In all honesty, I've asked myself the same question about various acquaintances hundred nay thousands of times and am yet to come up with any rational answer. I suppose he has money, or flash clothes, or a fast car, or is related to the boss... Something like that