Am I better off single?

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girlfriend has been talking about leaving me again. I can't provide her with the emotional support she needs (I had the same problem with a previous girlfriend).

It's seriously difficult for me to provide people with emotional support, yet I understand that is not an unreasonable demand in a relationship.

She asked me what benefit she's getting for remaining in this relationship and I couldn't tell her. I guess she gets my company. Sometimes she doesn't even get that.

We get into so many arguments, sometimes I think it's just not worth it.

I told her that I need to be alone for a few hours per day and she said in that case why aren't I single? I couldn't answer her. She actually made a good point. If I want to be alone for a large portion of my time then being single would actually be a good way to accomplish that.

For so many years I've had this idea that I should get a girlfriend as an unquestioned axiom. What if that axiom is wrong?

She said she can just move out and we can still continue the relationship. I worried that might cause us to drift further apart. It might be the beginning of the end.

She says I can just get another girlfriend if I want but I won't. I've already told her that she will be my last partner because I will never find another girl as good as her.

We've been through worse and maybe this relationship can recover. The question is, should it? Would it actually be better for us to part ways? Would it be better for me to intentionally remain single for the remainder of my life?

I'm not sure. True that I like being alone for a few hours per day but if I'm alone all the time even I can start to find it a bit monotonous after a few months. What should I do?

I know someone who recently retired and travels around the world to meet his FB friends. He says the texts his GF every day and meets up with her when time allows.

Maybe you need a ND partner who also needs her alone time?

Id say just do what feels right. Im in the same boat as your gf and have the odd moment when I get pissed about not feeling emotionally supported. But then again I need hours of time alone so if I do go trying to spend a more 'normal' amount of time with my bf it soon becomes overwhelming. We have different sensory triggers so thats a big problem

Id agree maybe another ND person who appreciates their time alone would suit you more.

Or go separate and date so that the time you do spend together is real quality time when you are feeling your best.

Umm... you are giving her too much power to her when you tell her that you would never find another girl as good as her; a power that she can abuse.
And it makes you sound desperate and that’s so unsexy.

Doesn't sound healthy. You know you could probably find a girl who is compatible with you as there's all kinds of people out there so don't settle.

You could easily find someone better. Even if she's really a good person she's clearly not good for you or you for her causing the relationship to become toxic. It's bad that she'd even let you see someone else she can't be that into you then and are you sure she's not saying that because she's seeing someone else herself? Especially if you ask to be alone a lot she could take advantage of that if she's a needy person. Personally I wouldn't mind dating a man who needed alone time as I do too so there's women out there who wouldn't be bothered by that.

Of course you can't give her the emotional support she needs if the two of you are not compatible with each other, and would you really rather be in an empty relationship than to be single for a while? Think about that... If you're single you also get time to figure out what you really want and need in a relationship and how you can be the best possible boyfriend to your next partner which would include self reflecting which is always a good thing.

You only say you could never find anyone better out of fear of being alone forever. I say the same thing after a relationship ends or is about to end and I genuinely believe in it and i've had toxic relationships but after each sh***y relationship I learn a lot and the next person I meet is always better to me than the former.

I know people asking about relationships online only accept the responses they want to hear and deny everything else but really you should think about this and realize that it's not a healthy relationship and it might only get worse over time and you'll be more stuck in it the more time that passes.

Do you need several hours alone each day, in addition to time apart while working? Because that doesn’t leave too much together time if you do. Could you get a two bedroom apartment and spend outside of work time together, but sleep separately? That’s what I and my husband have done. Before I met my husband I saw men who didn’t live close enough to see during the week, but spent time with on the weekend. If your girlfriend moves out, could your relationship be like that?

I've always been the kind of person where if we aren't doing something productive and we're just hanging out, then I'd rather be by myself doing my own thing. I know you "love" her, but just how much do you actually have in common with her and how compatible are the two of you? A lot of people end up in relationships without questioning these type of things. It is important to know who you are and what you need and what you are able to provide to someone, and communicate these things to them from the start. Relationships will always require some compromise, but how much should one have to compromise? If she is talking about moving, don't expect the relationship to continue on much longer if she does end up doing it.

I hope it’s not the “green card” thing.....meaning she is using you for Residency.

You need to find somebody else. Even if she is a really nice person there's plenty of better girls out there for you, you shouldn't stay in an unhealthy relationship, it can be very damaging.
I also hope it isn't a green card thing...

I would go out for dates, meet new people and try and find a girl who's right for you and will treat you how you deserve to be treated. I'm by no means an expert lol! But this is what I would do in your situation.

Only you can answer that for yourself.

Just something to think about:

If you do choose to be single, you don’t have to remain celibate. There are always hookups or FWB’s.

I see people often. At the beach mostly, but also at he occasional party or obligatory social gathering. I can also go weeks or even months without seeing, or hearing, anyone I’m not obligated to. I drive solo to work, interact with coworkers as little as possible sometimes, drive solo home.. and when I have the house to myself or am house sitting in the Winter time, I go weeks at a time without seeing or hearinbanyone at all in the evenings. I don’t even turn on the TV or radio. I just read online or read a book or chat with someone online etc & I neve really get bored. If I need something to do I’ll workout or go for a run, grocery shop, do some cooking/meal prep. I never really feel lonely at all. I just carry on in solitude completely indifferent to how many days or weeks it’s been since I’ve bothered to be around anyone. Such is he way of an Aspie, I suppose.

Although, I do make a point of visiting some of my God kids and nephews once in a while.

But only you can determine how much you need to be around other people or if you need to be in a relationship with one. You’re not me. Maybe doin as I do would drive you nuts.

Edit: And if you do split up, at least you both learned that you’re not compatible with one another long term and can both seem better arrangements for yourselves.

Yes I do.

You are right. That's not a lot of time. When I say "alone time" I don't mean I need to be in a separate room. I'm quite happy to have her in the same room or even sitting beside me so long as we keep verbal interaction to a minimum.

I don't need to spend time alone when I'm asleep since I'm unconscious anyway. Besides gf says she likes to fall asleep in my arms. Besides the second bedroom is being used as a storage room.

If she wants to sleep in your arms---let her.

Trust me.

I agree with this, if possible! I often sleep alone as I am a night owl and my husband a lark. But then again that is a big part of my needed alone time.

Doesn't necessarily mean you need to be eternally single, just means that you two are not a good match.

If the alternative to being single is being in a romantic relationship with someone needy and, frankly, borderline, then I'd say you're better off being single. Whether these are the only two options, I'm not too sure - I've become increasingly pessimistic over the past few years and personally have never met a woman I would WANT to date. You might be different, however.

As far as this particular woman is concerned, however, if you want my advice, I'd say steer well clear of her. It's difficult to come to any concrete conclusions, because I obviously don't know her, but she SOUNDS narcissistic, borderline - she obviously has a transactional view of the romantic relationship - she's in it for her own benefit, rather than your mutual benefit.

Then again, this view of romance is pretty much universal nowadays. It's down to your personal taste; if being objectified is a price you're willing to pay to be able to say you have a "girlfriend", then stay with her.

You're better off Double.....