Made a new friend but... how do I keep from sabotaging it???

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Hey guys,

Good news, I've made a new friend. In terms of really considering someone a friend and enjoying a mutual relationship, I've really been "out of the loop" for the last year or two, so I feel like input/advice from you guys might help me not freak out and destroy my blossoming connection! Lol . (I'm really good at destroying things)

For my job, I work on a project for 1-3 months and then it's over. I will work closely with a group of people and see them mostly every day. When the project's done, everyone is friends on facebook and all part ways to work on a new project with a new group of people.

My new friend is a guy that I worked with like 6 months ago. We barely talked during the project and didn't work in the same area. I thought he was cool, but never really reached out to be friends. We had a couple short but good conversations. Mostly I stayed aloof.

Maybe a month ago, he added me on a texting app. I was surprised and not sure how he found me, but we've been chatting ever since. He often texts me first, just sending silly things or random thoughts. If I send him something, he always responds, even if it's just one word. We've also had somewhat deeper conversations and talked for extended periods with immediate responses from both of us.

Today I sent him a short silly video but he didn't respond. Of course, I'm freaked out. Totally ready to believe "he thinks I'm annoying", "he liked me out of boredom and he's done with me", "I don't need him anyway", etc. Rationally, I'm thinking that I'm just being paranoid. But I can't seem to help the distrusting feelings, especially because I really need a friend these days. I definitely self-sabotage relationships and have accidentally ruined them before. I think I can be too clingy and I don't want that to happen.

Also, he is really the only person I am in contact with at this time and I DEFINITELY don't want to him to sense that, or feel like I'm needy. Since he has been texting first and often, I was able to just respond. If he kept the conversation going, I would too. He set the pace so I could play along. But if he starts not responding, like everyone else I know, I will get totally confused. I have no way of knowing if I'm being inappropriate, too clingy/needy, texting too much, etc.

I know this is "overthinking", but I don't have these instincts at all. I have no idea if I should hold back and not text him again until he texts me? Should I just try to keep sending him things in the same pattern and frequency as I have been doing? Should I hold off now unless it's something important? Or maybe I should make the next thing more personal and ask how his new job is going or something? Our exchanges over the last few days have just been silly stuff. I want to develop this friendship in a healthy way. I am capable of being too clingy as well as extremely aloof and neglectful (so i've been told!) Ahhhh any input?????

hi banana. happy for ur progress)
so, first things first, ya paranoya is a (Bad thing). and it hits each time u dont get a responce. same here with me, and its people who'd stay by my side, read my rage walls, learn to comfort me when i am below being able to be comforted. it just happens, the more u treasure somebody, the more afraid u are. in me it also is paired with a panic if i fail to respond fast myself. so.

1. if a person hails u, they are interested. if they respond, they are interested. if they accidently did not respond, they might be offline, distracted, etc. give them time)

2. how to be careful. i wrote it somewhere, but maybe i was a bit too vebroze, and u dont want to lf that post. so. basically give them messages of same length they give u. if they keep responding, try to do a bit longer one. there are many reasons for people to not respond. including a killer headache right NAU.

3. try to keep frustrations and worries off board at first. if u need to be related with, say "i am frustrated", "i am sad" etc. then continue with "and because of that, i might be offkey/sound agressive/respond slow". whatever happens with u. thus, u are giving them a cue to relate and ask for details. if they do, expand. if they dont, well. casual relationship is a thing. its better than nothing. give them a choice. "i had a bad day and am a bit edgy" works too.

4. ask them about their stuff. do that again. hey, how's ur (current thingy) going? hey, what is ur favorite moovie/song/game? hey, how are u feeling right now? (that one is for advanced relationship). people like talking about them, and talking about them helps u understand them. but if they give a 1 syllabile answer, dont pry. leave it, change topic. hey, i've seen this hilarious cat vid (unless they earlier told u, that they dont like cat vids)

5. with time, asking those simple questions will return more information. -hey, hows (his stuff)? -(a few words answer) -cool (ok, anything short). i am reading - i am tired, but glad i can finally get to a pc. i am too tired to talk lengths right now, i want to play a game, and if there is nothing urgent right now, please dont take offence, i need a bit of me-time. if he was ready to talk more, he'd give me details on question i asked, or would have started another topic after answering. why i had so much info? well, because i know his habits) so i leave him be for that time, and i know we can have a fun chat later when he isnt so tired.

if this is lacking something, i'll try to expand. have fun)

You could find something to take your mind off of the paranoia. I have many of the same problems when it comes to friends and I realized that most of the time it's that I couldn't find anything else to do so that's all I thought about.

Is there other interests or any other activities that you enjoy? I was anxious that people got bored of me or thought that I was annoying but since I had nothing else to do I eventually became annoying. Like I said, finding other activities will help with distracting yourself.