Physical appearance

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I don't just bite my nails, I bite my actual finger itself. It helps to relieve stress when I am really stressed out but it has left a huge ugly callous on my finger after doing it for many years (and I still do it to this day unfortunately).

I've sorta noticed it, too, and also noticed others noticing it. Or noticing me for it.

I look like this:



It's a terrible picture (and one I've shown before) in craptastic lighting as I stand under the blazing heat lamps in my bathroom, but it works. Normally my hair isnt quite that straight though. The part that hangs below my ears is normally much more curled (yet still manages to hang down to a bit past my shoulder), but I aggressively went at it with a comb until it briefly stopped doing that. Dont even know why I ever bother combing it like that, it just curls back up again like 10 minutes later.

So yeah, that's me. I'm well aware my appearance is unusual. I've been *very* often told that I appear to have a major blend of both feminine & masculine traits (works for me, I like the idea of androgyny to be honest). I get alot of stares (and I can never be sure why they do it, but I do know it makes me nervous when it happens) and am mistaken for a girl every now and then. It's not just my face, either. My bodyshape is also a bit... off. But hey, that's fine by me.


But: The way I see it, all of that doesnt automatically = "attractive". There's an old saying: "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I dont really think there's any one proper definition of "good" appearance. Hell, I know PLENTY of people wouldnt like the way I look... males are supposed to be masculine, to many. I do get pestered for the way I look at times, since I'm very clearly NOT on the masculine side (which again, is fine by me... I dont really want to look all masculine). Apparently it's a sin, to some. I tend to figure though... that's their problem, not mine.

^ my eyes are like that too.
the left eye is usually an intense death stare in photos where I'm actually looking at the camera, whilst the right eye is "normal" gaze.

Misery looks like some Heavy Metal guy. His hair is shiny like a woman’s, though. He’s a good-looking person.

The shape of his mouth and lips look kind of feminine, but the rest of his face is masculine.

Wait, I'm curious: What does "eyes not synchronized" mean?

I've gotten a similar comment before (but without any explanation) and I've heard such a phrase also used for others on the spectrum, but yeah, I have no bloody clue what it means.

It's not something I'd personally be able to spot in others (since I dont really do eye contact) but... yeah, I've heard of it before.


On a side note, I'm actually not into music. Like, at all. Mention ANY band to me and I have no bloody clue what you're talking about. Hell, if it's got lyrics of any sort, I probably dont like it. My hair is this way since it simply isnt cut or styled. I usually dont even comb it (yet it still looks like that except with added curls) Never liked the process and I've always preferred long hair anyway (on myself or on others).

It's funny, really, alot of people give me an extra bizarre stare if I mention to them that I have zero interest in music. It's like saying you're not into movies... you can SEE them have a mental bluescreen moment. Something tells me that more than a few people on this forum have frequently seen such moments when talking to others.

Have you had strabismus in your life?

It’s not a Spectrum condition. It just means you’re “cross-eyed.”

I had an operation for it when I was two.

I probably look weird. I don't think it's my appearance, more the way I act. I look ok in photos but weird in videos. I think I act weird because I can't tell how I look to other people unless I see myself on video.

You’re a smart guy with lots of wit.

So what if you’re “awkward.”

IDK and I don't even know how I look, I mean sure I know how I look...I recognize myself in the mirror. But I don't know if I look attractive or not, I suppose my boyfriend thinks I do and people in my family sometimes tell me I am good looking. But I guess I am not even all that sure what that even is...like I see women my age who look more like what people expect an almost 30 year old woman to look like and I don't look like that. Not sure it means I am un-attractive or not per say but I do tend to feel out of place with women my own age. Like if anything I look younger so that has some attractive qualities I suppose but I don't think I have a good side profile of my face, like my chin is not very defined and my cheeks look weird from the side in my opinion. But then of course some family see side profile pictures of me and say it looks good, but I am sitting there thinking, uhh that doesn't look good.

I've also had people tell me I am ugly, one boy at school told me I had a gorilla face and I have had people confuse me for being male(though only when I have my hair shorter). So I have gotten mixed opinions of how I look to other people.