puzzledoll wrote:
It was very comforting to read this post and be reminded I'm not the only one who can't automatically sense and filter out these people. I've had the same experience of supporting people who I cared deeply about as friends just to find out that they are very bad to have in my life and very harmful to me as a person. It always hits me from left field and looking back I should have seen the red flags, but I made excuses for them instead because I couldn't believe my "friend(s)" could really be that type of person.
I really appreciate the list of things to watch out for as well. I've found that excessive drama is often a sign that things might be rotten. I don't mean someone who has things happen to them they have to deal with (this year has been thing after thing from left field in my life for example), I mean people who actively seek out and cause drama. People who have to have something to complain about or to blame others for and people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions.
I have the same problem myself where I get to know a person and think they are lovely and then I will see their behaviors as listed above and have a hard time accepting that this person is a "jerk."
One other thing that I wanted to point out in a toxic relationship is that they are not supportive and especially when to know that something or someone is not good for you or a good fit. Yet don't say anything and let the other person struggle or get hurt. Then when it's over, "I knew that was bad for you but I didn't dare say anything."
They also don't want you to have anything or don't care to see you with anything. So while they are cheering you on, they are really rooting for your failure
These types of friends often try on up with you by trying to make you jealous and even if it includes stretching the truth.
Examples:
1. I adopted a second cat when I was 10 from my grandmother's farm and I happened to tell my best friend at the time. Her response was "Big deal! I have new puppies who were just born as my dog gave birth" I knew that was a lie because her dog was a male.
16 Nov 2018, 12:23 pm
