Page 1 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,034
Location: Stendec

09 Oct 2018, 8:37 am

A Girlfriend's list of 22 rules:

1. You are NOT to have a single girls phone number
2. You are NOT to follow them on any social media (including Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter)
3. You are NOT to hang out with Keegan (including his house or anywhere public)
4. You are NOT to go to Honda without me
5. You are NOT to hang out with your friends more than two times a week
6. You are NOT to look at a single girl
7. If girls come up to you at any place or anytime you are to WALK away
8. Mo is to NOT hang out (with) us every time we hang out
9. You are NOT to ask for h--d
10. You are NOT to get mad at me about a single thing ever again
11. You are NOT to bring up Tyler, Noah, Deven, or Josh ever again
12. You are NOT allowed to drink unless I am with you
13. I am allowed to do a phone check when EVER I please
14. If we move in there are NEVER to be girls at our house
15. If we move in together your friends will RARELY be allowed over
16. If I catch you around girls I kill you
17. You are NOT to ditch me for your friends
18. Austin does NOT CONTROL WHEN I HANG OUT WITH YOU!
19. We are to go on a legit date once every two weeks at least
20. If I say jump you say “how high princess”
21. You are to make sure you tell me you love me once a day at least so I know you’re not messing around
22. You are to NEVER take longer than 10 mins to text me back.

:roll: ... another "Bridezilla" in the making...

Source: This Article


_________________
Fnord, the Metasyntactic Variable -- Keeping it real
since '57 by explaining the obvious to the oblivious!


traven
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,894

09 Oct 2018, 9:07 am



XFilesGeek
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,956
Location: The Oort Cloud

09 Oct 2018, 1:19 pm

Sounds like abuse to me.


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (moderator)


Yakuzamonroe
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2017
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 112
Location: Edmonton

09 Oct 2018, 1:22 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
Sounds like abuse to me.


+1



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,410
Location: US

09 Oct 2018, 1:41 pm

You are NOT to ask for h--d

Is hand a bad word now or am I missing something?



superaliengirl
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 20 Mar 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 288
Location: Scandinavia

09 Oct 2018, 1:44 pm

Wow... Sounds pretty abusive/controlling to me.



cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,149
Location: Boulder CO

09 Oct 2018, 7:15 pm

Good thing my phone is, has been & always will be encrypted.


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


Raleigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,009
Location: Out of my mind

09 Oct 2018, 11:45 pm

Hadn't he been cheating on her?
That's why the list was drawn up.


_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,410
Location: US

10 Oct 2018, 12:05 am

cberg wrote:
Good thing my phone is, has been & always will be encrypted.

I assume she’s rewuire you to unencrypt it, or for normal people unlock it.
Some woman could pick up my phone but unless she has my face she won’t get into it. Most people keep their phones locked someway or another. You refusing to unencrypt it would violate the rules and end the relationship

They’d say it means your hiding stuff

It’s probably be issue for me I see phone as such a personal thing I don’t let anyone use it.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,237
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Oct 2018, 1:21 am

Sounds like a typical Okcupid girl.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,300
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

10 Oct 2018, 1:43 am

Fnord wrote:
A Girlfriend's list of 22 rules:

1. You are NOT to have a single girls phone number
2. You are NOT to follow them on any social media (including Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter)
3. You are NOT to hang out with Keegan (including his house or anywhere public)
4. You are NOT to go to Honda without me
5. You are NOT to hang out with your friends more than two times a week
6. You are NOT to look at a single girl
7. If girls come up to you at any place or anytime you are to WALK away
8. Mo is to NOT hang out (with) us every time we hang out
9. You are NOT to ask for h--d
10. You are NOT to get mad at me about a single thing ever again
11. You are NOT to bring up Tyler, Noah, Deven, or Josh ever again
12. You are NOT allowed to drink unless I am with you
13. I am allowed to do a phone check when EVER I please
14. If we move in there are NEVER to be girls at our house
15. If we move in together your friends will RARELY be allowed over
16. If I catch you around girls I kill you
17. You are NOT to ditch me for your friends
18. Austin does NOT CONTROL WHEN I HANG OUT WITH YOU!
19. We are to go on a legit date once every two weeks at least
20. If I say jump you say “how high princess”
21. You are to make sure you tell me you love me once a day at least so I know you’re not messing around
22. You are to NEVER take longer than 10 mins to text me back.

:roll: ... another "Bridezilla" in the making...

Source: This Article


Gross, so why are you still with this chick?


_________________
All we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,237
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Oct 2018, 1:57 am

lol Fnord, now they are accusing you that you're actually dating this woman.



fluffysaurus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,257
Location: England

10 Oct 2018, 2:19 am

Raleigh wrote:
Hadn't he been cheating on her?
That's why the list was drawn up.

It sounds like a post-cheating list.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,503
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

10 Oct 2018, 6:23 am

fluffysaurus wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Hadn't he been cheating on her?
That's why the list was drawn up.

It sounds like a post-cheating list.

I’m partially sympathetic to her.

Emphasis: PARTIALLY.

I need to check out whether cheating is a factor or not. I’m going with it for now.

First off, if you are in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t be hanging out with anyone of the opposite sex. I’m a teacher, and it happens to be predominantly female where I work. I’m a clarinetist and a pianist. Woodwind players and pianists are predominantly female. I can’t help that. But what I can help is that I keep my interactions with these women in full view of others and strictly professional. Plus my wife also works at my school. And my wife recently got in the habit of stalking my phone (find iPhone), which stays on unless it overheats or the battery dies. She does this because I leave our vehicle with her on Wednesdays and (literally) run across town to my other job 5.5 miles away. So if something happens to me, she knows where I am, and she feels better knowing I made it to work safely. She always knows where I am and who I’m with at all times. I’m ok with that because I’m not jumping through hoops, nor am I doing anything that would be even remotely suspicious. I have nothing to hide. Stalk away, I don’t care.

The problem with hanging out with other women is...WHY? Yeah, you can be “just friends,” but you also leave yourself open to the risk that two people become interested in more. I’m not going to pretend I’m not attracted to other women. It’s just a problem I have to deal with. I don’t lie to myself and say it’s none of her business who I hang out with, so I’ll go out with another attractive woman if I feel like it. I’m committed to her for a reason, and part of that commitment means I don’t see other women.

Second, your friends: I bet I know EXACTLY where this is coming from. What usually happens is “boys will be boys” and act like idiots together. For women, this needs to be one of those pick-your-battles kinds of things. Let the guys get together once a week and do what they do. Invite your girl friends over for margaritas and rom-coms, or whatever it is you like to do. That’s just healthy. Fighting your bf over what his friends do isn’t worth it.

My guess (without knowing any more than I do about their situation) is that these guys, among other things, gossip about other women, maybe even her, and he allows it without standing up for her OR he actively engages in gossip about her himself. If you really love someone, you should be singing her praises. If boys are complaining about their partners, keep your pie hole shut.

If you MUST complain to another male friend about your partner, do it one-on-one. Emphasize that you love her first of all, then very calmly explain that you’re experiencing problems and you don’t know what to do and could use some advice. “I f00k¡n’ hate that b¡+¢#” is not a good way to start. If you hate her, if she really causes all those problems, why are you still with her? You handle that in private, with discretion, with someone you can trust to not let it get back to her how you feel. If you’ve done your job as a bf, she should already know that, anyway. When you blab personal stuff to your buddies, it’s embarrassing for her. If you insist on humiliating her, at least have the testicular fortitude to break up with her first, though tbh I’d still keep it to myself. “She was a very sweet person and I never really stopped loving her. But somewhere along the way, and it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, we became toxic. We’re still friends, but it’s like, text-once-every-six-months friends, not call-every-day friends. One day I might tell you what happened, but let’s just say we are NOT getting back together!”

Third, your friends (part II): if your friends are that much of a problem for her, dump her. That’s all I have to say about that. You have to find a balance between loving someone enough that you COULD cut some people out of your life who aren’t going to support the relationship and still being who you are, part of which is defined by the company you keep. In other words, she doesn’t love you for who you are but rather who she can groom you to be. She’s GOING TO LEAVE YOU. How do I know? Because she fell in love with you the way you were. She’ll transform you into a whole new person that she won’t even recognize. The person she fell in love with is gone. So...do her a solid and bow out gracefully. She won’t waste any more of her own time and energy, and you won’t end up unhappy.

Fourth, HER friends: I’ll keep this short. The above rules apply to HER friends, too. If she gossips about you around your friends or her friends, if she tolerates her friends gossiping about you, if she hates your friends and doesn’t even try to disguise it, it’s time to go.

Final point: bringing up exes. Don’t do it. I’m thinking what happened was every time she catches him with someone else, he brings up exes or guys she’s always hanging out with. Ok, well...the past is the past. Nobody likes being reminded of their mistakes. So leave the exes alone.

If you insist on MOOS being in your life, don’t be surprised that your partner does the same. If you have an issue with their friend, don’t be surprised if they have a problem with yours. If you are the kind of person who makes lists of rules for your partner, beware of your own projection. Are you just as guilty, or is their something you feel guilty about that you’re punishing your partner for rather than getting it out in the open?

In closing, it’s best to break up if you reach the point you have to impose rules on someone. One feature of bf/gf status is YOU DO NOT OWN that person. It’s wise to have MOOS as friends. All your status means is that you’re not meeting up alone with any of them. If you want to talk/text occasionally, that’s ok. As you move closer to marriage, yes, you DO need to be more restrictive about who you see. I have an ex who will out-of-the-blue say “hi.” We’ll exchange messages on G+ MAYBE once a year. She’s halfway across the US from me and I like it that way. My wife respects me enough she doesn’t have much contact with other men.

We had our “rules” moments. Once was precisely one of those times a group of her friends began making trouble for us. At the time, early in our marriage, girls’ night out seemed appropriate. I didn’t know that the gossip should bother me because, heck, that was just how relationships always were in my experience. The breaking point happened when she came home drunk and another GUY (nobody else with them) brought her home. I was confused because it was GIRLS night. No guys. So...this guy was there but I’m not invited? THAT is a problem.

Other guys have tried to get her into compromising situations, especially if they knew she wasn’t feeling well, upset about something, or if she’d been drinking. I don’t believe that’s her fault. But I strongly discourage her from being around other men. It’s a safety thing, not a blame the victim thing. I hate it, too, but that’s just how it is. When men learn to keep our hands to ourselves and respect reasonable boundaries, I’ll relax and be more naive. But that day is not today.

If you have to impose rules on a bf/gf, you have problems. End it and get it over with. With marriage, it’s more common sense. My wife and I had to grow into it. It’s not so much “rules” as it is hard-learned lessons, and everything I’ve said is just my side. I don’t get a free pass either. So look at the “rules” as a teachable moment and be careful out there.



SaveFerris
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,569
Location: UK

10 Oct 2018, 6:28 am

Raleigh wrote:
Hadn't he been cheating on her?
That's why the list was drawn up.


It was also found in a used car so might never have been served


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard