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MeLikeHouston
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09 Oct 2018, 2:26 pm

I am a straight guy with only one female friend. We met in Differential Equations; we now study Electrical Engineering and Computer Science, respectively.

Everytime I see her with her friends, it's always playing Yu-gi-oh, Magic the Gathering, etc. with a bunch of guys. She also loves Warcraft.

She wore the same red hoodie everyday for five years (until her mom threw it away because big holes appeared in the sleeves) because she "liked the color." Every time I saw her, it was always no makeup, no styled hair, just guys' T-shirts, guy's sweatpants, guy's jeans, and tennis shoes or guy's sandals. She does have armpit-length hair, though.

I like her because she is one girl who has never grown out of her tomboy phase. Although, when I asked if she was a tomboy, she said "she was when she was younger, but not really anymore, because she likes wearing dresses and skirts," which was strange because I had never seen her wear anything but pants.

She also avoids eye contact and has a monotone voice.

Funny thing is, when I asked her if she was autistic/had Asperger's, she said, "Isn't that a really rude question to ask someone? I'm not."

Is it possible that she could be undiagnosed? She said she has a very large, close-knit, and caring family; I wonder if maybe that would improve her social skills to help her pass for a neurotypical.



Prometheus18
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09 Oct 2018, 2:44 pm

I don't see why you feel the need to share your sexuality with us, but yes, I'd imagine there's more than an outside chance of her being on the spectrum.



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10 Oct 2018, 1:10 am

SOUNDS a lot like me. a big lot. maybe she is aspergerian. but asking it really sadly never helps. even if she knows it, she can still deny it. and it is a rude question. u dont pry coming-outs. yea, im ready to wear ASAN logo on my sleeve (not that there is ASAN in this country, i dont think anybody would recognize it even), somebody else is not. dont pry. of cause, not knowing her state could harm her. but questions like this can harm too. someone in denial has a right for it. she is very young, so well, let her. i had some coming-outs made to me, and most of the time it was either a person who had come to terms with their identity, or when i had made my own coming-out first. i am aspergerian. i say that out loud (had not, for 30 years). also, i had previously expressed extreme tolerance for well, anything. so i was considered safe. if u just ask a question like that, it feels like a threat - mockery, gossip, intrusion in deeply personal space. i know u didnt mean it, but thats what a person feels, and thats why u never ask and let them tell u - or NOT. and if they tell u, make sure u never, ever reveal it to anybody, at all. only they can do it. each time they chose to, or chose to not, its only their choice. keep ur guesses to urself, too. and ya it might sound like i am berating u or something. im not. im trying to explain, and please treat it as such. yep, aspergerian bluntness in it's earnest xD try to have fun with people, respecting the borders they set. apologize to them, if u see they got pissed off by trespassing. be careful)


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MeLikeHouston
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10 Oct 2018, 10:46 pm

A few more things:

She mumbles a lot, and her voice sounds like a ten-year-old boy.

Everyday, she would play with her guy friends after math class, and then after lunch, would walk around campus. She looked down while walking.

She did have some gestures but they seemed rather stiff and jerky. She used utensils clumsily.

She said all her other siblings make eye contact and don't mumble. Her older sisters are, like her, geeky, but not tomboys. When I asked her why she didn't make eye contact, she said she was shy, and that not everyone makes eye contact anyways.

My question is, are there any aspies who have suprisingly decent social skills because they, like her, grew up in a large, close-knit family?

Also, I thought female aspies were mostly tomboys and thus they hated wearing dresses/skirts. But she is very tomboyish, and strangely enough, likes wearing dresses/skirts, though I have never seen her wear either.



jimmy m
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10 Oct 2018, 11:44 pm

If she is an Aspie, being from a very large, close-knit, and caring family could help her adjust and minimize the stress and trauma that many Aspies deal with.

Around 50% of the people in the world are introverts and the rest are extroverts. Introverts are shy and do not necessarily engage in eye contact.

I think if she is well adjusted, I just wouldn't worry about labels. Don't become obsessed with finding out. Let her have her space.


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serpentari
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11 Oct 2018, 12:18 am

female (same as male) aspergerians (same as allistics) can have very varying tastes in everything. and seriously, STOP. what Jimmy here said, what i said. STOP. u are intruding on a person, and u keep doing it. stop prying. do something else.


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beware the ire of the patient ones!
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MeLikeHouston
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27 Oct 2018, 10:27 pm

serpentari wrote:
SOUNDS a lot like me. a big lot. maybe she is aspergerian. but asking it really sadly never helps. even if she knows it, she can still deny it. and it is a rude question. u dont pry coming-outs. yea, im ready to wear ASAN logo on my sleeve (not that there is ASAN in this country, i dont think anybody would recognize it even), somebody else is not. dont pry. of cause, not knowing her state could harm her. but questions like this can harm too. someone in denial has a right for it. she is very young, so well, let her. i had some coming-outs made to me, and most of the time it was either a person who had come to terms with their identity, or when i had made my own coming-out first. i am aspergerian. i say that out loud (had not, for 30 years). also, i had previously expressed extreme tolerance for well, anything. so i was considered safe. if u just ask a question like that, it feels like a threat - mockery, gossip, intrusion in deeply personal space. i know u didnt mean it, but thats what a person feels, and thats why u never ask and let them tell u - or NOT. and if they tell u, make sure u never, ever reveal it to anybody, at all. only they can do it. each time they chose to, or chose to not, its only their choice. keep ur guesses to urself, too. and ya it might sound like i am berating u or something. im not. im trying to explain, and please treat it as such. yep, aspergerian bluntness in it's earnest xD try to have fun with people, respecting the borders they set. apologize to them, if u see they got pissed off by trespassing. be careful)


I'll take your word and stop trying to figure you out.

But you said you were a lot like her? How so? You're also a tomboy into video games, programming, etc? You also have mostly male friends?



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27 Oct 2018, 10:39 pm

What is "arm-pit length" hair? Short hair on her head? I don't get it.

Are you just curious if she's autistic? If she was, how would that change things between you two?



MeLikeHouston
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27 Oct 2018, 11:37 pm

Magna wrote:
What is "arm-pit length" hair? Short hair on her head? I don't get it.

Are you just curious if she's autistic? If she was, how would that change things between you two?


She has long hair. It wouldn't change things at all if she was autistic.



Magna
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27 Oct 2018, 11:42 pm

Thanks for the clarification. I get it now.



serpentari
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28 Oct 2018, 2:20 am

still not getting it. and still, now meeting me on forum after 2 messages u ask me if i am "tomboy". that is rude. also its rude. i am a woman, and my interests have nothing to do with my gender. yes, i like videogames. no, i am not "tomboy". i am a female nerd. also i am an aspergerian. u dont need to figure me out, and u dont need to figure that person in ur real life out, either. u need to respect personal borders. and personalities, to start with.


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.