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ThisAdamGuy
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10 Oct 2018, 7:55 pm

I've been talking and going out with this girl for over a month now, and even though she keeps saying she "wants to get to know me" before actually getting into a relationship (how much more do you need to know?!) I'm holding out hope that it'll work out. Last week she got into a car wreck that gave her a concussion and kept her from going to work for a few days. I've been texting her every day to see how she's doing. If she doesn't answer after a few hours, I'll text again to ask if she's all right. I'm doing it because I care about how she's feeling, but I'm worried it's coming off as creepy/stalkerish. What do you guys think?


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RightGalaxy
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10 Oct 2018, 9:13 pm

It's better to stop by with flowers or candy. Wait just a little bit first and then show up.



ThisAdamGuy
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10 Oct 2018, 9:27 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
It's better to stop by with flowers or candy. Wait just a little bit first and then show up.

She hasn't told me where she lives.


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AnneOleson
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10 Oct 2018, 9:37 pm

You can date without it being a “relationship”. I think actually that is the purpose of dating and talking - getting to know someone, finding out if you enjoy their company before committing to them. Why would you be in a relationship, i.e. boyfriend and girlfriend, if you haven’t determined if you are compatible?

I’d say it is creepy to send the follow-up text. If she is well enough to have gone back to work, then you shouldn’t have to worry if the concussion has incapacitated her.



ThisAdamGuy
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10 Oct 2018, 10:00 pm

AnneOleson wrote:
You can date without it being a “relationship”. I think actually that is the purpose of dating and talking - getting to know someone, finding out if you enjoy their company before committing to them. Why would you be in a relationship, i.e. boyfriend and girlfriend, if you haven’t determined if you are compatible?

I’d say it is creepy to send the follow-up text. If she is well enough to have gone back to work, then you shouldn’t have to worry if the concussion has incapacitated her.


1. I don't know if she's back at work or not. I know her head still hurts, but I haven't asked her about work.

2. We've been going out, talking, and texting for over a month now. We've been having fun, and it's obvious to me at least that we're compatible. I'm frustrated because even after all this, she's pulling the "I want to get to know you" line. If she's actually considering dating me, what else does she need to know that she hasn't seen/learned already? If she's just trying to put off saying no, then I wish she'd just freaking do it and quit leading me on.


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AnneOleson
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10 Oct 2018, 10:54 pm

Sorry, I took the “kept her from going to work for a few days” as being in the past tense and that she was back at work. Maybe if you text her once and just say that you’re worried about her concussion and her being alone and does she mind if you keep checking up on her.

To me, “going out together” equates to dating in your circumstances, but not a committed relationship. I would be confused too. What does she consider you to be? A friend that she hangs out with some times?



RightGalaxy
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11 Oct 2018, 8:06 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
It's better to stop by with flowers or candy. Wait just a little bit first and then show up.

She hasn't told me where she lives.

Contact her just a couple of times and then stop. Wait for her to answer. If she doesn't answer, forget about it.



BeaArthur
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11 Oct 2018, 10:43 pm

When someone has had a serious concussion is no time to be bugging them. Instead of texting that you are worried because she hasn't responded, just text her that you are thinking of her and hoping she has a good day. Then, back off.

My daughter has had big problems from concussions, so I know a little bit about it. They need support, but they do not need new demands.

You really should continue to look for other people to date, because you and this girl have in no way committed, and doing so will keep your mind off her to the extent that you are not a harasser.


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RightGalaxy
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12 Oct 2018, 10:08 am

BeaArthur wrote:
When someone has had a serious concussion is no time to be bugging them. Instead of texting that you are worried because she hasn't responded, just text her that you are thinking of her and hoping she has a good day. Then, back off.

My daughter has had big problems from concussions, so I know a little bit about it. They need support, but they do not need new demands.

You really should continue to look for other people to date, because you and this girl have in no way committed, and doing so will keep your mind off her to the extent that you are not a harasser.



Best advice ever!! ! :D



The Grand Inquisitor
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12 Oct 2018, 2:25 pm

The way I see it, if the person hasn't responded to your first message yet, sending them another generally isn't going to make them any more enthusiastic about messaging you back. And if someone hasn't responded to your first message, they cant complain about you not sending another one.



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12 Oct 2018, 7:29 pm

it's neither nice nor creepy. but it is unnecessary.

you're doing too much, you don't need to force the idea that you care, she knows you do. sometimes when you aren't getting what you want from a relationsh... er, casually dating someone you don't know very well, the best action is to let them come to you. don't sit there feeling like you need to do anything, you've done plenty and she knows you're interested and that you care. let her decide on her own when it's time to show that she does as well. i do believe strongly that forcing the fact that you care on her is going to push her away.


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RetroGamer87
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15 Oct 2018, 8:42 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
she keeps saying she "wants to get to know me" before actually getting into a relationship (how much more do you need to know?!)
In other words she has no intention of being in a relationship with you.

Every girl I've ever been in a relationship with made their intentions clear from day 1.


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