Anyone Else Scared To Stim?

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I'm a very fidgety person, and I used to love stimming, biting things, flapping my hands, etc. But when I was younger my parents were always yelling at me for how annoying they were (and still today when I unconsciously stim in front of them.) Them being so mean about it has caused me to be afraid to stim when other people around, and it sucks when im upset or stressed because it just builds and I obsess because I can't distract myself or calm myself down.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Stiming is something I prefer to do in private, but I wouldn't say I'm afraid to do. It's just that I know I am alienating people when I stim in front of them.

Of course, because that amd talking to myself or repeating words or phrases are the only obvious things that identify me on sight as "different. "

I was punished a bit in elementary skewl for stimming. I would rock or make low noises repeatedly. I just thought it was a bad habit that I needed to force myself to stop. I eventually learned not to do it in public much so then I started mostly doing that stuff when I was alone.

I freaking love my fidget cube. Like I just pop into a pocket in my backpack and just stim. I've never had someone give me crap for it, and if they did, I'd just try to do it in a more subtle way. So if you're self-conscious, just remember that everyone around you probably won't notice anyways. Because I have to do it in some form. If I'm not fidgeting with my cube, I tend to mess with my hair or a pen. I just have to do SOMETHING.

I generally try to avoid stimming in public, but if I can't I have subtle stims that I can do without anyone noticing. The more obvious stims I really try to suppress until I'm in private as I don't want to weird people out any more than I suspect that I already do.

I remember noticing myself rocking back and forth the first time I ever smoked weed and thinking, "I'm glad nobody saw me doing that! They would think I was stimming like that autistic boy in the movie Son Rise!"

The last few days I've been noticing how many times I reflexively STOP myself from rocking, even in private, even though I have other reasons (grief), and even though I am completely alone.

I remember having more "tics" and uncontrollable physical weirdnessess during childhood and how bad the bullying was.

Clicking on the link for Stimtastic jewelry just made me think, "Oh cool! I want this and this and this and this and this...."

I'm glad things are better now. I don't want any of you to have the kind of life I did.

I'm so glad you can stim without being afraid.