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Dan_Undiagnosed
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13 Oct 2018, 7:14 am

I've been posting on WP again recently coz I lost my job (it was my fault but other people were doing the same serious stuff as me like drinking during work hours but I was the only idiot honest enough to admit it when HR confronted us all separately).
So last night I unexpectedly drank with one of the guys who kind of screwed me over (genius idea, I know). It was getting late and I just started confronting him about one thing in particular I got terminated for as well in my letter of termination (opening other people's mail from the shared mailbox) even though we both knew that was him doing it not me.
He was so smug and flippant/dismissive about it. When I'm telling him how this will hurt my attempts at getting my next job he just kind of shrugged and distance himself from his part of the responsibility. He showed no compassion at all and I just lost it.
I punched him to the ground and when he got back up I hit him softly once or twice more but stopped when he wouldn't fight back.
I'm really angry and disappointed with myself but still annoyed at him too. I've had this job for 3 and a half years and that whole time he's strutted around like the cock of the walk acting like a tough guy, even intimidating me in front of others to show off. But like most bullies when it comes to the crunch he was a coward. In the 10 years he's been in Australia I've only heard about him beating up two people. His current girlfriend when he caught her getting out of some rich guys car and an over weight middle aged alcoholic he used to live with. All his other tough guy stories just involve him mouthing off at someone. I've personally had to step between him and 3 other people. And he told me yesterday when we started drinking that it happened again recently. Our boss (my now former boss) had to drag him out of a shop when they went to get more alcohol because he nearly got in a fight with someone.
I'm ashamed, sad, angry and disappointed with myself but there's a reason these things keep happening to him. I know I'll learn my lesson and walk away and never deal with him or the other people here ever again (I'm currently packing to leave the company house).
The cops came today he's pressing charges (even I told him that he should). They were really nice. I guess they see this drunken crap all the time. They could have thrown me I the back of the cage car and locked me up but one of the officers said he checked my clean record so they would let me off a little easier. I just have to go pick up my charge sheet from any police station using my ID. So in 6 months I'll have a date with a magistrate. I know how this all sounds (losing my job, assaulting someone) but I'm actually not spiraling out of control. I've known for a good while that I binge drink and I needed to stop (especially with him because we're bad influences on each other). And all the crazy stuff that's happened at this job didn't help either.
I know it's strange but after I spoke to HR a few weeks back and admitted to the things I'd done I felt so relieved. It was like that relief after throwing up. And it was the same today after the cops left. I'm someone that actually feels better about being honest. Even if it screws me over. Right now I'm being a shitty person but I'm still optimistic because I know who I used to be and that I can be him again. Unfortunately for that guy I hit last night, he will never change.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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13 Oct 2018, 7:18 am

In six weeks* I'll have a date with a magistrate



SaveFerris
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13 Oct 2018, 8:26 am

Get a good lawyer / solicitor or whatever you call them in Oz and tell them everything hopefully your honesty will work in your favour - this can backfire though.


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nick007
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13 Oct 2018, 10:41 am

It may also help your case if you get treatment for your drinking like joining AA, rehab or something else. It's great if you can learn from this & turn things into a positive.


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Misslizard
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13 Oct 2018, 12:27 pm

How do you hit someone softly?


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CockneyRebel
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13 Oct 2018, 11:42 pm

I would never do that to anybody.


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Dan_Undiagnosed
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14 Oct 2018, 10:10 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Get a good lawyer / solicitor or whatever you call them in Oz and tell them everything hopefully your honesty will work in your favour - this can backfire though.


Since this will likely affect my ability to get another job, I'm not sure I can afford a lawyer. I can go to a government office to get some free advice and then apply for government paid legal representation. It's not guaranteed but worth a try. I intend on pleading guilty but there's so many mitigating factors that it's unbelievable. I'm hoping a lawyer will be able to plead guilty on my behalf but also provide that truck load of context leading up to it. Including my clean record for 34 years.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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14 Oct 2018, 10:13 pm

nick007 wrote:
It may also help your case if you get treatment for your drinking like joining AA, rehab or something else. It's great if you can learn from this & turn things into a positive.


Yeah I felt so depressed and ashamed the next morning that I started calling alcohol and counselling hotlines immediately. I know some people do that sort of thing just to look like they're trying to change in front of a judge but I sincerely want help so that I don't do anything like that again.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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14 Oct 2018, 10:16 pm

Misslizard wrote:
How do you hit someone softly?


By not hitting them as hard as you potentially could. In Australia they're known as "love taps". The first punch was out of anger. The next 2 (maybe 3) were just to try and goad him into fighting back. I really wish people knew how much of a tough guy this idiot thought he was. Hopefully being floored by someone like me (he's always known I'm kind of a quiet, gentle giant at 6ft and 90kgs). He always took advantage of that too.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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14 Oct 2018, 10:19 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I would never do that to anybody.


A couple of days ago I thought I could say the same. Oh well, yet again I'm a late bloomer. I got my drivers license much later than most people. Same as losing my virginity and having a relationship. Trying pot for the first time. And now taking a swing at someone. Most guys who do that stuff get it out of their system in their teens or early 20s.



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15 Oct 2018, 1:29 am

Dan_Undiagnosed wrote:
I've been posting on WP again recently coz I lost my job (it was my fault but other people were doing the same serious stuff as me like drinking during work hours but I was the only idiot honest enough to admit it when HR confronted us all separately).
So last night I unexpectedly drank with one of the guys who kind of screwed me over (genius idea, I know). It was getting late and I just started confronting him about one thing in particular I got terminated for as well in my letter of termination (opening other people's mail from the shared mailbox) even though we both knew that was him doing it not me.
He was so smug and flippant/dismissive about it. When I'm telling him how this will hurt my attempts at getting my next job he just kind of shrugged and distance himself from his part of the responsibility. He showed no compassion at all and I just lost it.
I punched him to the ground and when he got back up I hit him softly once or twice more but stopped when he wouldn't fight back.
I'm really angry and disappointed with myself but still annoyed at him too. I've had this job for 3 and a half years and that whole time he's strutted around like the cock of the walk acting like a tough guy, even intimidating me in front of others to show off. But like most bullies when it comes to the crunch he was a coward. In the 10 years he's been in Australia I've only heard about him beating up two people. His current girlfriend when he caught her getting out of some rich guys car and an over weight middle aged alcoholic he used to live with. All his other tough guy stories just involve him mouthing off at someone. I've personally had to step between him and 3 other people. And he told me yesterday when we started drinking that it happened again recently. Our boss (my now former boss) had to drag him out of a shop when they went to get more alcohol because he nearly got in a fight with someone.
I'm ashamed, sad, angry and disappointed with myself but there's a reason these things keep happening to him. I know I'll learn my lesson and walk away and never deal with him or the other people here ever again (I'm currently packing to leave the company house).
The cops came today he's pressing charges (even I told him that he should). They were really nice. I guess they see this drunken crap all the time. They could have thrown me I the back of the cage car and locked me up but one of the officers said he checked my clean record so they would let me off a little easier. I just have to go pick up my charge sheet from any police station using my ID. So in 6 months I'll have a date with a magistrate. I know how this all sounds (losing my job, assaulting someone) but I'm actually not spiraling out of control. I've known for a good while that I binge drink and I needed to stop (especially with him because we're bad influences on each other). And all the crazy stuff that's happened at this job didn't help either.
I know it's strange but after I spoke to HR a few weeks back and admitted to the things I'd done I felt so relieved. It was like that relief after throwing up. And it was the same today after the cops left. I'm someone that actually feels better about being honest. Even if it screws me over. Right now I'm being a shitty person but I'm still optimistic because I know who I used to be and that I can be him again. Unfortunately for that guy I hit last night, he will never change.


Are there any organizations such as alcoholics anonymous in your area that can help you address your binge drinking?



Dan_Undiagnosed
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15 Oct 2018, 3:55 pm

Chronos wrote:
Are there any organizations such as alcoholics anonymous in your area that can help you address your binge drinking?


Yes, I've filled out an online assessment form with one of them and just waiting for a counsellor to call me back.



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15 Oct 2018, 5:27 pm

Sorry to hear what's happened, but I think that your response to it is admirable. I didn't get my drinking under control until I'd done some pretty awful things that shocked me into realising how badly the boozing was affecting my judgment, self-control, and mental health, and that I was sometimes keeping bad company in order to have someone to drink with. You've admitted your responsibility without letting the other guy off the hook for his behaviour, which is exactly as it should be, IMHO. As you put it yourself, past bad behaviour is now my guide to staying on the straight and narrow, and lets me see how far I've come. All the best.


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15 Oct 2018, 6:35 pm

As I read your opening post, a particular book kept flashing through my mind, and if you are a reader, it may help you understand how workplace sociopathic saboteurs work, and how we tend to only wake up to the systematic damage they do to their targets when we hit back, and then they play the victim card.

It opened my eyes when I first read it. If you are interested:
The Sociopath Next Door
by Martha Stout

I think you might also consider contacting an organisation (if there is one near you) that deals with bullying in the workplace and unfair dismissal grounds procedures.

The positive thing is that you have six months to prepare for the hearing, which may go in your favour if the mitigating circumstances are presented clearly.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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16 Oct 2018, 4:50 am

Trogluddite wrote:
Sorry to hear what's happened, but I think that your response to it is admirable. I didn't get my drinking under control until I'd done some pretty awful things that shocked me into realising how badly the boozing was affecting my judgment, self-control, and mental health, and that I was sometimes keeping bad company in order to have someone to drink with. You've admitted your responsibility without letting the other guy off the hook for his behaviour, which is exactly as it should be, IMHO. As you put it yourself, past bad behaviour is now my guide to staying on the straight and narrow, and lets me see how far I've come. All the best.


Thanks mate, it's always encouraging to hear from people who have been through something similar.