What is your greatest fear?

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We are 2nd class citizens in most areas of life

Dying doesn't frighten me. What frightens me is a homeless guy I once met. When his wife got sick he spent and sold everything he had to care for her, quit his job to care for her; who else was going to? After the modern American health care system had thoroughly wrung him out and extracted everything from him but the marrow of his bones, she died. A very nice guy; I liked him, but all hollowed out inside; like the shell of a burned-out building so long after the fire that even the ashes are gone. Not an alcoholic, not mentally ill, just completely used up; a hollow, empty shell. There's not a shadow of doubt in my mind that if we were down to our last slice of bread, my mate would feed it to me, taking none for herself.

What frightens me is the financial devastation. Due to the high costs of dying in America, the Social Security Administration estimates that widows are four times more likely to live in poverty than married women. 49% of foreclosures and 62% of bankruptcies are directly caused by medical bills. She is now my de facto and unpaid 24/7 caregiver, and the fact that I can do nothing to provide for her future (or at least mitigate the impending disaster) is a major issue for me.

What frightens me are the survivors I've met; exhausted and consumed by shame for silently hoping as they walk into a modern American health care facility that their Beloved has died, concealing bitter disappointment to find them still suffering, and overwhelmed by guilt to find that they're actually relieved when the love of their life finally stops breathing. I've known people to carry that secret pain deep inside for years afterward.

What frightens me is the confusion and cognitive difficulties I'm experiencing. My brother-in-law died of cancer, including inoperable mets of the brain. After he died, credit card bills started arriving; it seemed that in the final year he'd led a double life, engaging in some uncharacteristic and sordid behavior. This shocked my sister and caused quite a bit of sympathetic consternation among my siblings, until my Dad observed; “How horrible it would be to have a disease that not only robs you of your life, but of your families respect, esteem, and good memories of you.”

What frightens me is memory. I remember my 87-year-old aunt; she didn't want everyone's last memory of her to be an open casket; her casket was closed, with a framed photograph of her costumed as 'Queen of the May' from her college days; young, healthy, happy. I've known so many people, bedridden and warehoused months, years, in the modern American health care system, their contractures straightened out by the snipping of tendons, lying in a sh***y diaper in a Bedlam that reeks of ancient septic urine and the decaying flesh of decubitus ulcers, granuloma of the gastrostoma, chronic UTI, aphasically moaning through cracked dried lips at the ceiling in terror, or horror, or pain, lying awake at night listening to their roommate do the same; someone screaming down the hall. I've seen people stiffly decerebrate, the grinding of their teeth their only way to express their excruciating pain. In their lucid moments I've heard people begging and pleading to die. I absolutely do not want to experience that, and I absolutely do not want that to be my Beloved's last memories of me; seared indelibly into her consciousness.

I'm not concerned with dying, but the way we go about it in America frightens the hell out of me.

Probably two things more or less equally and in no particular order:

- messing up my kid's lives if my parenting ends up being subpar.

- getting Alzheimer's, Dementia or JCD and either having people abuse or neglect me as I'm out of my mind.

Honestly what scares me the most is eventually developing Alzheimer's or something and the way the world seems to be headed. Not to editorialize or anything, but I'm truly afraid when I see Nazis marching in the streets across the globe. Because I know they would exterminate me and everyone I know, along with every person who isn't NT they could get their hands on.

Getting lost, stranded, abandoned.

My biggest fear is to achieve nothing in my life, I don’t know why, but this is very scary for me

Another thing I fear is our government collapsing which would mean I no longer get disability checks or Medicaid.

How would I survive if I am unable to work?

Dying
Far right gaining hold of the government

1. Dying some horribly painful, prolonged, and horrific death. Like... in the middle of an ocean, and being eaten by some long-extinct gigantic marine reptile. (Very realistic this one, but you did ask. )

More immediate and likely fears:

2. Vomiting (especially at night, when the dark makes me feel even more trapped)
3. Blood draws