Is an aspie still an aspie

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Hey wrong planet is an aspie still an aspie ?

Yes no ?

So i lead local group of aspie men. Its not that im the oldest or something like that. Iguess its due to im the only real one trying to improve. More odd the follow suit.

A neurotypical made a a suggestion to bulk up and dress more trendy. So one of our group members did. hes non aspie on the outside looks killler cool but lacks charm/ flirt skills. He tried to get a date and even with a nerotypical wingman failed to get one number.
And when he got dates he never got past the third or forth usually after admitting he had it.

Hes back among us again and i feel sad for him and the prospect for the rest of us....

So is an aspie still an aspie even after cleaning up and blending in?

Do we evolve?

Or are we just left aside again?

That’s like saying if someone pretends they don’t have cancer do they still have cancer?
Different clothes and working out doesn’t cure a disorder

One can adapt to the wider world if Aspie.

Just like one with cancer can adapt within his/her affliction.

In real life, an aspie is an aspie for life. Changing the label doesn't change the reality. Only the USA designates everything as undifferentiated autism, and there were no doubt perceived benefits they had in mind, associated with the change - benefits to them and their affiliated stakeholders like Big Pharma perhaps.

An aspie by any other name will still be as ______.

But that doesn’t change that they have cancer or autism.

Someone with bipolar can take meds that stop the symptoms but they still have bipolar. It’s not cured it’s just hybernating. Until autism can be cured we will always be aspies, doesn’t mater how much we conceal it or adapt to its issues.

Especially as an aspie you should always care how you dress and style. It should always be a little bit better then average people. Better means different but in a better styled way and not most expensive or an adaption to all trends of average people.
Neverless the lack of 'charm / flirt skills' of people without the neurotypical emotions and empathy are an problem of aspies that have a lack of empathy and generating emotions. You have to improve emotionally to really get really over this. (see viewtopic.php?t=368901#p8033193). The alternative is just to become a 'dream man' and to act self-confident like sh*t and rely on your sense of humor and joy of life then.

I "cleaned up and evolved" quite young. It was after leaving the school where I had been bullied always and i've never been bullied or teased by anyone since. I go on dates quite often just to practice my social skills and i've never had a date with someone who wasn't interested in seeing me again, it's usually me who's picky... But i'm still an aspie.
I have my sensory issues, my lack of NT level energy - I need to rest after socializing and I get headaches easily from sensory overload, I can't handle change very well, I in general prefer to be alone and I have a hard time showing my emotions openly which often leads to misunderstandings especially in relationships. But especially as a woman I care a lot about looking good and I have learned to pass as NT, it usually takes a person time to notice that i'm different from other people and when they do I just tell them that I have aspergers so that they can understand me better and not take things personally such as if I don't feel like hanging out due to being exhausted after work for example. I've never had a negative reaction from anyone upon telling them although misunderstandings can still happen if a person isn't educated enough to understand what being on the spectrum means.

Just because people generally can't tell that I am an aspie due to being able to fake being comfortable in social settings etc. as well as putting in effort to not look any different from any woman who's NT, that doesn't mean i'm not. It'd be awesome if it were that simple though. And even if I blend in, relationships of any kind with NTs have never once worked for me because the longer a person knows me the more they realize how different I am and a lot of people don't have any patience or understanding for that and that's fine. I have friends on the spectrum and I have NT friends with aspie-traits whom it also works out great with. So I may have evolved and cleaned up as you call it but all I have to do to get reminded of how not NT I am is attempting to have a conversation with a typical NT my age or try to spend anymore than 5 minutes in a loud setting without my ears hurting or my head feeling like it's ready to explode. Some days I just want to not give a dam about makeup and looking great and just go out and be awkward and weird as I am on the inside but unfortunately you get used to only feeling comfortable behind a mask of some sort and you forget whom you really are... So I say be whoever you are, the people who can't accept that aren't worth your time.

It's always a difference if you feel to much emotions and empathy or if you lack them. Girls are more often bullied if they lack them but for guys it is more difficult to find a girl friend because most NT girls insist that a boy feels (!) emotional attracted and recognizes their wishes. Thats why most NT girls act so affected towards guys. For AS girls it would be nice to recognise this kind of attraction too just to know wether a guy is really into them. But for AS guys with a lack of emotions it's difficult to handle this especially if they additionally prevent eye contact to not scare the girls. Most NT girls don't want such a guy.

Yes this is how things are for me too. Especially when conversing with NT women. I'm just not on the same wavelength at all.

If you need to dress differently JUST to attract women, it betrays a certain lack of self esteem and a certain neediness, which are themselves - I should imagine - unattractive. As long as your clothes are clean, ironed, not shabby and so forth, I hardly see what the problem is. After all, there's such a thing as *geek chic" anyway. If you're trying to attract a woman who isn't temperamentally suited to you by adopting an artificial persona, you'll eventually find:

a) Keeping up that persona exhausting and quite impossible.

b) You've betrayed that part of yourself that made you special.

c) She picks up on these things, and rightly loses interest.

I don't agree with that. There's is no way in the world I would ever go out with someone who lives in just t-shirts and sweatpants. It just reeks of "I don't care about anything".

I think you can't except you enjoy the same kind of emotional affected behavior.


Most girls are that way. It's quite a difference how they act whether I wear a t-shirt or a casual shirt. Also the colors seem to make a difference. Pur black or blue shirts are not really liked. But what's wrong with that?

Most women spend a ton of time on their appearance. You could look for the few who don't if you are looking for someone "different."

You become a Reform Aspie instead of an Orthodox Aspie.

I'm an aspie, I always have been an aspie, and I always will be an aspie, even on the days when I don't act very aspie-like i.e. polite, friendly (most likely), not bothered by huge crowds and noise (least likely).