Is being direct the best approach to dating for Aspies?

Post Reply New Topic

Yeah good points. I think men would feel more flattered if another person asked them out in a straight forward way especially if it's somebody they like too. And Aspies have a hard time picking up on social cues so it would make things a lot easier for two aspies to be direct with each other.

Even if a guy turns me down it won't be the end of the world I can just keep looking.

Flirting is natural to Aspies and is not connected to social issues. Therefore it is not easier for two Aspies to skip flirting and use dating instead. Especially given that dating is not natural for Aspies.

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. There has to be a point where you both agree that you're hanging out for romantic purposes and not as just friends. A verbal conversation can help to establish this.

Even if you feel certain that the other person is into you romantically, a conversation can clear it up. I've been sure the guy was romantically interested only to find out he saw me as just a friend.

Verbal communication helps you not get in too deep when the other isn't interested. It can also reassure the other that you are interested if they are interested and it means they don't have to be on the lookout for someone else. They can focus on you.

"In my experience the direct approach freaks women out"

Not according to Richard Dreyfuss (bad joke I know) :p

you could always delete your rpely (click edit button and type *please delete*) you are a vetran and above this childishness... no offence to you, but you could have hurt the other poster with this\


or even the X button

I'm pretty unlikely to have that kind of discussion even if there is verbal contact, and we are hanging out together. In fact, I never had it with anybody. I think part of the reason I never had such a conversation is that it feels very weird and strange. It's like the people involved don't understand the interaction, and needs to confirm it verbally, which I find a bit off-putting.



It could also be that he somehow changed his mind. Just because he finally wasn't romantically interested doesn't mean he never was.



I believe in action and not in verbal assurance. That means a girl will need to prove her interest, a process that should advance. A girl should require the same from a guy. The major issue is that things become static and never advance. As long as things advances, even if very slowly, there is no need to be worried or fallback to verbal communication of interest.

Short answer: Sadly, no.

Long answer: if you ask a typical NT woman you're dating early on a straight forward question like "Am I your type?" or "Are you into me?", her answer will always be automatic no, even if she was into you. Why? Because it would make you sound incredibly insecure, desperate and socially weird in a tick and that's a major turn off for most women, what made you attractive to her is gone. A better approach is to be straightforward regarding your feeling toward her though without asking for any kind of 'approval' from her (ie.' I do find you attractive' - without the 'do you find me attractive too?'). A messy genderized sexist world, I know.

My girlfriend is my mentor in those matters btw.

I don't think that is only NT women. I also find it a turn-off if I have to verbally tell somebody I'm interested. This should be obvious from the interaction, and shouldn't need to be confirmed verbally. While the interaction is not identical between NTs and NDs, I think the desire for potential partners to understand it nonverbally is universal.

If I would indicate interest, it would be in some indirect way like "having a crush is wonderful".

You're missing the point rdos. No Boo said you shouldn't ask something needy like, "are you into me?"

Instead tell her how you're into her. That's more assertive.

I just assumed that this is what OP meant anyway. I wonder if that's because I'm female.

I'll add that the direct approach was used with both my exes & my current girlfriend. I'm on the spectrum thou & i would of had no way of knowing that my 1st girlfriend wanted to be more than friends if she hadn't come rite out & said it. Me & my 2nd girlfriend both had a mutual talk about things but we barely knew each other & met on this forum, she was an Aspie too. My current girlfriend was also an Aspie who I met on this forum. She sent me a direct message after reading lots of my posts. Trying to use the direct approach has never worked for me with NT women thou except with my 1st girlfriend but we were both friends 1st & she may have tried the indirect approach with me before she told me she liked me & I didn't pick up on things.

I'm not aware of any other way.

No need to be direct. Make it fun for her. Leave her a series of cryptic clues that lead her to a buried treasure chest containing two tickets to a concert or event you want to take her to.

Or you could write her an encrypted message using a rotating substitution cypher. When she decodes it, it says "willyougooutwithme"

One thing my boyfriend is always is very direct. Could be from the fact that he's also a NYer but I'd rather had direct more then anything else honestly.

I'm a New Yorker...and I'm pretty direct.

It's better to be direct....but not TOO direct.

Women like to be complimented on what they're wearing or their looks----but they don't like being told that they would be a good lay LOL

Wait, how direct? You're being too indirect?

I really like that approach. Or send her the message mind-to-mind.

Another way to tell her you like her is to buy small stones, arrange them as a heart at a public place, and then somehow invite her there.

Guys here needs to get more creative in their "dating" activities and stop using silly "will you go out with me?" talk. There are so many other ways to show her you like her that are creative and that show you are an intelligent guy, and not just a horny one wanting to get laid.