I'm in Special ED Classes. Last year at this time as well as the second trimester, I had all A's and B's. After my most recent ex and I split, I got off the anti-depressant I was on because it made me suicidal and I was hospitalized for that back in March. As sad as I was about the break up, I went back to school with a positive attitude that Monday and tried to let go of the fact he and I broke up by spending time with some healthy friends for a few weeks. I was still doing really well in school, I wasn't on any medication, I felt great. Then 3 weeks later was when my ex started playing games with me and using me for sex (even though he keeps swearing up and down he never did, I finally called him out on it) and I was put on medication. My grades went downhill and I never stayed in class.
Then this summer, in June, my ex and I were fine until 2 weeks before I left for a music program for 5 weeks this past summer. We talked about seeing a movie together and he said he'd let me know how he felt later on in the day. I had heard nothing all day from him and then around 4 p.m I texted him and he said that he needed to be alone until August. I was super pissed and I finally went off on him.
During my 4th week out of the 5 weeks I was away, he reached out to me (and I really regret not leaving him on read and blocking him). He started constantly messaging and telling me how he is into drugs now because of a girl he met at a Beach (and now they are dating) and how much fun they were having but he was missing me a lot. Just a bunch of ex boyfriend BS. During that conversation we talked about meeting up when I got home and hanging out and having a serious about actually being in a relationship. None of that frends with benefits crap he was pulling. During my 5th week at the program he pulled away again. I wasn't surprised. I had made another suggestion for something he and I could do when he and I hang out. He left me on read. 12 hours later he blocked me without giving a reason as to why. I broke down and cried. For the next 5 days it was on my mind a lot but it didn't really hit me until I got home. I was depressed for a solid 3 weeks once I got home. Whenever I was in town, I had anxiety about running into him. The first week of school I was excited to start my senior year and because I did so well at the music program I thought I would start my first trimester off to a great start. I was wrong. I immediately started failing my classes and get very easily annoyed in those Special ED classes because I'm way more mature than everyone in those classes but they won't put me in any mainstream classes. We kept swapping around all my classes and also playing with my meds again and due to that I have 30 things I need to catch up in English. I'm trying to find positive people to hang around who don't always drop their problems on me or start drama and respect my boundaries when I say I don't want to hear their drama. No one understands that. Most of my positive friends have become cliquey with one another because they are all in the AP Choir together and I'm not (it has gotten worse since I joined the "everyone is welcomed Choir" because we're doing crappy songs in there).
98% of my friends are in relationships and every single one of my exs and guys I've had flings with are too! I'm just feeling so lonely. I saw my ex 3 weeks ago with his current girlfriend and even though I kept it together when I walked by them, I cried my eyes out when I got home.
2 days later, I found out he dropped out of college within 2 days of going. So that did make me feel better about not being with him but just hearing people talk about him makes me sad or angry at times. I don't know what is happening in that relationship because in all honesty it's none of my business but just the thought of him possibly treating her better than he ever treated hurts me. That was what happened after I dated my first ex. He treated the girl right aftet me like a queen and he would look at me dead in the eye when they would hug or kiss.
My ex's mom doesn't like me one bit. She blocked me back in June. I never really thought much about it until 3 weeks ago, she unblocked me. It was on the same exact day I saw my ex. I'm assuming he went on his mom's account to stalk my account. I was with one of my best guy friends when we walked by him and his current girlfriend but I don't think he recognized my friend due to his haircut and how happy he is!
Do you think this loneliness could be affecting my grades and if so, how do I improve them and my mood? I am feeling somewhat better. I will also mention my ex does have Aspergers as well.
28 Oct 2018, 2:15 pm
